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Saturday, August 28, 2010

Dos and Don'ts of your first sexual encounter with someone you actually like:

- Do wear a condom. Seriously, I don't know know how much more I can stress this. There is nothing more safe then a condom, and just so this is out there ladies BIRTH CONTROL DOESNT PROTECT YOU FROM AIDS. or any other sexually transmitted diseases for that matter. If you are more worried about having a baby then catching something that will never go away and could potentially kill you, get your vagina sewn up.

- Do take your time. This moment will be another memory forever etched in your mind. You have the power to make it a really great and memorable experience, or something you wished never happened and would be completely erased from your mind. Chances are if you take your time you are less likely to do something stupid.

- Do play music. None of that marvin gaye shit cause that is so from the 70's. Make it good music and nothing too cheesy.

- Do prepare your body as if you were for sure going to have sex (that doesn't mean you MUST have sex). That means shave (your nasty parts too) (NO PUBIC HAIR, YOUR BALLS! I'M SO SERIOUS BECAUSE IF A BITCH IS GOING TO GET ON HER KNEES TO LICK YOUR BALLS AND SUCK YOUR DICK DRY THERE BETTER BE NO DICK HAIR ANYWHERE -Hannah) wash your body twice, brush your teeth twice, and apply lotion.

- Don't have sex on your first sexual encounter with your partner. That means its cool for you to grope and remove clothing but keep each other waiting. I know dudes are saying "no way! I want it now!" but seriously, then what's left? Plus it will drive him crazy.

- Do masturbate before your date if you haven't had sex in a while.

- Do wear clean underwear. Either way you should, because you should be a clean person, and therefor should have clean underwear.

- Do make noise. Why? cause its hot! but don't demon scream or something cause that would be weird.

- Don't try and eat my mouth, what the fuck are you doing? Who told you they like that? Your tongue belongs in your mouth, not fiddling my tonsils.

- Ladies Do put it in your mouth. There isn't a more polite way to say this other then that. What is the big deal anyways, its so much cleaner then vagina, and much more inviting. I get if your dude is raunchy and smelly and gross but if thats the case you are a sick fuck for taking this any further then a "Hi" and "Goodbye"

- Do moisturize your hands, this goes for both sexes please.

- Don't try some crazy crap like fisting or anal sex, thats just wrong.

- Ladies move. Seriously, dance on his cock for God sake. Don't just lay there like a dead moose. Flip your hair all sexy like and make your love like some hot baby making mess.

- Use your hands. I mean really use them. Tease us, please us, use them caringly by holding our hand or caressing our cheek.

- Don't be so selfish. You want all the pleasing then you are better off alone. Plus who doesn't get off on getting the person they are into off? weirdos.

Question: What was the most memorable moment for you during sex that you can remember? What was the memory you wish to forget? 

Do you know any do's and don'ts that you wish other people knew about? Share them please! by commenting on this post!

1 comment:

  1. Andrew "The Bedroom Macgyver" G.August 28, 2010 at 6:07 PM

    Asking the woman about her health is important, as well. Don't get yourself into a situation where you have herpes (or something worse) for the rest of you life because you let some dirty chick convince you that she is on medication and that you are safe. If she is that hot and her pussy is that great, use a dental dam (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dental_dam) or if you are in a pinch, Saran Wrap.