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Monday, August 30, 2010

Things you should know....

hey all! I just wanted to take the time to say thank you for stopping by and reading what I have to say. If you like what I have to say you should follow me on here, comment as much as possible and post links on every networking site you are apart of (myspace, facebook, Tumblr, twitter ect.) I would very much greatly appreciate it.

- If you work at a grocery store as a cashier or bagger act like you love that job, and you love people. It could be the only good thing happening in someones day and thats important.

- Don't have a billion abortions. If you catch yourself in this predicament you should probably get your fallopian tubes cauterized.

- I think that it's important for smart people to reproduce because too many stupid people are.

- Whatever "YOU" time you have left over should be spent reading something. A book, the news, this blog (preferably this blog first, but I wont hate if you don't) I don't care, just read something. Why? Because! thats why!

- Also, Watch the news people. Find out what's going on, there could be a rapist in your area and you don't even know it.

- Take interest in something, if you haven't already. It's what sets you apart from all the human robots. I know it doesn't seem like it now, but one day someone's going to think you are the shit for it.

- Be friendly and smile. Nothing annoys me more then someone who looks angry all the time, or gives me short mean answers when I'm simply just trying to make conversation. Who do you think you are? Really, what is going so wrong in your day that when someone is nice to you, a complete stranger, you feel the need to lash out at me. Hey buddy, fuck you very much.

- Sweet or awesome text messages in the middle of the day or night or wheneverthehelltimeitis are the small cherry on top that makes everything else perfect.

- Um yeah don't write a love poem about someone you don't and then tell that person you wrote a poem about them. It's weird and... yeah weird. Later on down the road when we are cool, and we know you aren't a serial killer or a rapist, then you can bring it up.

- Do make Jim Halpert faces when something completely crazy happens, and to make it better, stare somewhere else where you think a camera would be. How much you want to bet when your life flashes in front of your eyes, you are going to laugh your ass off. I do it all the time, trust me.

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Image and video hosting by TinyPic
Image and video hosting by TinyPic
Image and video hosting by TinyPic

- Voice your opinion. It's good you are passionate about something, but don't get too pissy. Also, don't voice your opinion unless its asked for.

- Not that its expected of you guys, but don't think we forgot because we got that whole woman's rights bill passed means you get to stop being the dude who brings home the bacon. You still have to, srsly.

- Give an excuse if its asked for, but don't be that person full of excuses. Accept that you did something wrong, and will never do it again.

- You need to start teaching your kids that its not okay to curse when you are 3 years old. What kind of mother are you. Seriously, how is this happening? How are people like you able to have kids?

- Make a list of things to do before you die, and make it long, very long. Make sure to accomplish all of those by the age of 50. Not that you are going to die at 50, but better safe then sorry.

- Do you brush your teeth with just toilet water because your breath be kickin daw. Srsly, use tooth paste or bleach, but I'm sure beach might kill you, but at least you wont has any germs!

- Why do guys seem to think that if they jack hammer you into the wall then we're guaranteed an orgasm? I know where this completely wrong idea comes from, it comes from that "bizarre" section on that porn site you are watching. You should stop it, cause its uncomfortable and it hurts and just incase you didn't notice, we DON'T orgasm from that. Are you trying to completely rid us of any feeling down there? Jesus christ.

- Write down every time you laugh so hard you cry just so in a few years you can read back on it and laugh again.

- Here is the #1 remedy to stop crying. Look in the mirror. I don't know why, but it just makes you stop.

- Dick size doesn't matter unless you can't even reach the womanly hole. Seriously, it really doesn't. Anyone who says it does is probably because they are looser then a whales vagina.

- Don't re-date someone because you are lonely, or even just because. It's not going to work out, and to be honest you never want to back track. You always want to take a step up/forward. That means someone hotter, smarter, funnier, sexier and all of the above.

- If a girl is being a total douche to you, then dump her. No one deserves that shit and the same goes for  girls.

- Here is how you can find out if you should continue on with a relationship you aren't so sure should continue on: You will need a pen and a paper.

+ fold paper in half
+ on one side of the paper write pros, and on the other side write cons.

if you have more cons then pros, leave them. if you have the same amount on each side then you probably shouldn't try and work it out anyways, but because I'm all about staying with someone even through the worst times, you should probably talk to them and express your feelings. Also, express that if things don't change with in a certain amount of time, that this relationship will end and you both will go your separate ways. THE END. Obviously if you have more pros then cons, then you should just slap yourself in the face because you are stupid for even going this far.

- Take lots and lots of pictures. You wont ever regret it.

- Don't text or call someone a million times. If they don't pick up the first time, leave a message and they will call you back if they feel like it. If its an emergency, then you should be calling 911 and if they don't pick up, the zombie apocalypse has started and it is time to start your first chapter of your zombie survival guide.

- Always make sure you are 110% sure of an accusation cause who likes feeling like an idiot? I know I don't. Plus it's never good to be that one person who everyone calls a sneek because you thought you were a secret agent spy and really you are just a dumb ass.

- There is no point in dwelling on something you don't even know is true! Don't beat around the bush, just straight up ask! If the person is a liar, then you will know! because I know my readers aren't dumb people who fall for liars bullshit.

- Embrace change. It's a wonderful thing.

- There is no such thing as ugly. So stop calling yourself that! You are the most beautiful person in the world. Fuck don't you tell me megan fox is have you seen that girls thumbs?! Plus, I have a theory she's secretly a tranny.

2 comments:

  1. "- Not that its expected of you guys, but don't think we forgot because we got that whole woman's rights bill passed means you get to stop being the dude who brings home the bacon. You still have to, srsly."

    Does that mean we are finally allowed to pay for everything on the first date if we do the inviting? The woman's rights movement killed chivalry.

    ReplyDelete