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Saturday, September 25, 2010

Tickle me pink.

Dos and Don'ts of your first real (or second or third) relationship:

Assuming you've had your fair share of relationships, ones short or long, eventually you will com across someone who is worth taking then extra step for. Here are some things you should know/think about when you decide to take this journey together.

- Do ask yourself if you are with this person for the right reasons. I come across a lot of people who are in relationships they wish to be serious but are really with someone to pass the time till something better comes along, or just simply because they are afraid of being alone. If you find that you really aren't madly deeply in love with this person, or you don't see yourself ever getting to that point then you are better off being alone. It's totally not fair you get to have your cake and eat it too you selfish piece of shit.

- Do get tested. By tested I mean STD and HIV tested. Not some pee test, you (yes you male readers) need to go to a urologist. Explain how madly and deeply in love you are and you want to make sure everything is working at its finest. Same goes to you ladies. Get your gynecologist to prescribe you some birth control, and give you your yearly pap smear while you are at it. knowledge is key here.

- I know I've said this before, and I will probably say it again but birth control does NOT protect you from STD's and so we can be absolutely clear on this here is a synapsis on the most common ones:

  • Syphilis: get this guys, this one is a killer. Literally it WILL kill you if it goes untreated. Thing is most people who have it don't even know till it is too late because symptoms look similar to a pimple or ingrown hair which usually subsides after a few days. If untreated it leads to dementia and in longer untreated cases DEATH.
  • Chlamydia: Is a bacterial infection in the urinary and reproductive organs. In a typical case, men will NEVER know they have it because there are usually NO symptoms. Woman who do have it usually don't have symptoms till it is too late. It causes scarring of the fallopian tubes which usually leads to infertility. In men it can later cause arthritis. 
  • Gonorrhea: Symptoms usually don't appear till 2-3 days after someone is infected however, usually the infected never see signs just like the rest of these lovelies. Even if you are just heavy petting, (masturbating each other) you can STILL be infected. Discharge is usually yellow or green and has a fowl smell similar to rotten flesh. Worst case scenarios are arthritis, infertility in both sexes, blindness, fever and pelvic inflammatory disease. 
  • Herpes: About 1 out of 6 people have it. You can become infected just by having direct contact to someone who is having/about to have an out break. That means someone might not be totally covered in sores for you to get it, it means someone might not have any sores at all for you to be infected. Guess what, once you have this bad boy it NEVER goes away. Not a single drug that will make it disappear must like HIV/AIDS. 
  • Genital warts: Also known as HPV(human papilloma virus) has become increasingly common these days which is why it is so important to be tested even before you become sexually active to receive the necessary vaccinations before you decide to take the next step in your relationship or life in general. HPV has many stages, some which can be invisible to the human eye, not like the normal cauliflower images they shoot into your brain in health class. Some cases there are only warts on the inside on the cervix, and remain in there till the bodies natural defense system fights the infection off. Unfortunately, much like herpes, genital warts never go away and are very contagious. Not even condoms will save you from this dude. 
  • HIV/AIDS: The name alone will usually scare people off, so I'm sure I don't need to go too much into details other then it is a deteriorating expensive disease that will more sooner then later kill you. There is no cure, no vaccine, no nothing to make this virus any better. Protect yourself, before you wreck yourself. 
  • Chancroid: This is also making its come back, especially in warmer climates like miami or california. Similar to herpes this bad boy has a "sore" appearance, usually causing swelling of the genitals. It can be spread just by simple contact with someone else's open sore. 
- Take the necessary steps to figure out how you are going to make this relationship last long happily. Everyone loves the honeymoon phase, but who says that has to end? great sex doesn't ever have to stop being great or interesting. Just like love doesn't ever have to get boring. Take it upon yourself to ask each other what makes the both of you explode with feelings and write them down. You can make it so that every year on your anniversary you can reenact your first date and completely act like you don't already know everything about this person. It's the exciting new things that make everything much more interesting, and that never has to die. 
- Move in together before getting married. I know that goes against some peoples religion but I think you really get to know more about someone after you have lived with them for a year or so. 
- Learn how to get over the arguments. Most people argue the same way every time and once you have learned how that person argues, it will make it easier on how to solve a problem quicker. If someone doesn't usually like talking about what's bothering them at that moment, then don't bother them! just wait it out and then talk about it. Yelling doesn't solve anything, and normally the person is either on the other line or right in front of you, there for there is no need to yell. 
- Have some future goals. It's always sexy as hell when someone has a "life" a head of them and the ambition for it. No one wants to marry someone who wants to be a professional couch potato. 
- Don't think about the past and how things could've been. I have friends who constently dwell in the past instead of think of the future, it's a real downer for a relationship. 
- Don't make it about the money. Who makes more or who does more or who brings in more doesn't matter. Both of you are an equal entity, you both bring the same amount to the table. If not then there is something wrong and that NEEDS to be addressed. 
- Guys you need to understand that women are emotional beings and we need comfort and love on a daily basis. Most of the time small amounts are all that is needed, but if you forget that you will have some problems. Simple text messages, messages, notes, hugs, kisses on the cheek, wishing the day well, "I'm thinking of you", "I miss you", or anything you can usually find on those valentine heart candy's will do. It's is the fuel to our relationship, never let it empty.
- Ladies understand that men are more mechanical then us, they need more practical things to feel needed and wanted and to enjoy themselves in this relationship. By that I mean usually awesome gifts will make them the happiest person on the planet and make you the most awesome. Sex is a big deal so keep it interesting, and don't ever let him think he isn't the most amazing you have ever had. Don't be the typical girl he talks about like the one his best friend is dating and hating. The one that never lets him go out or play video games, the one that basically runs his life. Don't be that girl. 

Do you have any advice for couples out there or you just want to say something that bothers you about men or women? If so you can always drop a comment and I will post it in my next entry, we will talk about it I promise! ;-) 


  1. "Don't be the typical girl he talks about like the one his best friend is dating and hating. The one that never lets him go out or play video games, the one that basically runs his life. Don't be that girl." - True words of wisdom. Apologies for stalking your blog, but I can't help but find myself consumed in your words.

  2. I LOVE STALKING! haha tell your friends!