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Friday, October 1, 2010


alright! I've had enough! I don't know how it is around the rest of the country but for the majority of it right here! in miami! think paying for shit photography is the in thing right now.

I get that whole bullshit deal about how "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" but am I the only one who's seeing this?

Now since I really don't feel like causing drama between a few friends (if you even want to call them that) I'm just going to demonstrate BAD PHOTOGRAPHY and then some other photographers you should look into as far as bettering yourself as a photographer or someone who is looking for quality photos.

I am not a professional, which is exactly why I don't even think about building a website for my photography when I know I need way more practice. It bothers me when I see SHIT photographers making sites when there work is the equivalent to what a 5th grader would do with there mothers cell phone.

So if you are a model and need a photographer but aren't sure what quality is, or you are going to be getting married soon, or you just got engaged, or you are pregnant and you want those cute little belly pictures, here are some tips:

If your pictures are coming out like this or even remotely close with rainbow colors and really unnatural light, WHAT IN THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING!? stop fucking with the exposure and levels of light in a picture! the only time you should do that is if you are using it to ENHANCE a picture NOT FUCK IT UP. 
YOU THERE! I SEE YOU! I SEE WHAT YOU ARE DOING! TRYING TO MAKE THIS POOR LADY ORANGE! she's not even orange! if anything you should make her NOT orange.

nobodies skin is ever this blurry in real life, I just thought you should know SINCE YOU DO IT ALL OF YOUR PICTURES! 

The fucking whole point to be a photographer is to do as little editing as possible. 

oh and you people who use your photography name and make it THE WHOLE FUCKING SIZE OF THE PICTURE PRACTICALLY, what is wrong with you? no seriously, what is wrong with you? Im not blind and I don't know very many people who are so stop. Also, your photography name should be just that, YOUR FUCKING NAME not some emo ass shit like "Im dying tomorrow photography" 

Also, while we are on this fucking fuck rant, make sure your clients are comfortable enough to relay what they are getting across.. for example:

You can obviously tell how deep this kiss goes. She's practically on the verge of crying probably because she loves this man so much and this is the happiest day of her life. 

this, not so much. I get the feeling SOME DUMBASS said "okay now kiss" :picture taking noise: 

This also needs to stop. This was very 2000andlate and now is considered SO FUCKING TACKY! the one color thing? just stop it, and stop it with the under negative clarifying. Jesus christ it looks like something out of a nightmare. 
Wow where can I get a mirror like this one? where it makes me into black and white? what? I can't cause they don't exist? THATS FUCKING RIGHT THEY DONT EXIST. This picture also looks staged. 
This picture doesn't convey love to me.

This picture does. 

I have no words for this except for "why?" 

I could go on and on but thats why I have dubbed this part 1. If you have any questions about photography or photographers feel free to ask. <3 


  1. It's dos and don'ts.

  2. Too bad I'm making money, and you're not :)

  3. Btw, do you have authorization to post copyrighted pictures?

  4. http://www.copyright.gov/fls/fl102.html