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Saturday, October 23, 2010

I don't need you to tell me how to make my potatoes

I came across this:

which led me to the #2 lesson 

which means if you have either, you have been subconsciously dubbed unapproachable because you resemble a villain, so get an appropriate beard by reading this entry.

- Fall season is meant for FALL colours which means more neutral, natural earthy tones.. Not hot pink toenails. 
- Buy sandals or shoes that fit you. 
- Next time you leave a note for your boyfriend make sure its something like this: 

I have friends that tell me "Emily, you should write a male handbook for woman" but the truth is I can't, everyone is so different from each other it is hard to pin point the female race. I only know certain motives from a series of steps and life lessons. Either way I am all knowing. 

Here are 12 ways to tick someone off with out directly pissing them off: 

  1. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.
  2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors."
  3. Specify that your drive-through order is "TO-GO."
  4. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what you think."
  5. Practice making fax and modem noises.
  6. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc" them to your boss.
  7. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."
  8. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
  9. Staple pages in the middle of the page.
  10. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times.
    "Never mind, it's gone now."
  11. Ask people what gender they are.
  12. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."
- Don't fucking talk during a movie, JUST DON'T its so rude no matter how quiet you are trying to be, I HEAR YOU! I just paid 10 dollars for this movie! I want to experience the WHOLE thing.


One of these days dude, one of these days...