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Monday, November 29, 2010

Take me away...

welcome back to another edition of "Things you should know monday are just too tired to deal with"

- First off, let me just tell you the car is an amazing place to do your eyebrows. On that note make sure there are always tweezers in your car or purse.
- I am convinced my coffee maker hates me. IT ONLY MAKES COFFEE FOR MY SISTER ONLY! 
- You still have a mother/father who is living and not gone due to cancer, Your argument/tantrum is invalid. 
- Next time you hear someone say "Money doesn't bring happiness"
Please slap them in slow motion. It's greedy people who aren't happy. DICKS. 
- Getting knocked up by a guy who is "working his way up" at dairy queen means you have a really dumb way of going about doing things. Therefor you should stop reading this blog. It is probably too hard for you to understand anyways.
- Hey, look. tastefully done nudes posted publicly on the internet are totally fine! 
Like georgia! I don't care what you say, but this is real society! Get with it. She is damn hot! 
- If you carry an item around costing more then 150 dollars then you better find a way for it to be attached to your body at all times. 
- On that note, If something feels too tight you should know that that isn't a good sign. It's actually a very very bad sign. If you have huge tits, then hey! that's great! but that doesn't mean they should have a huge personality. By that I mean they shouldn't be almost falling out from under your shirt. 
- If you brag constantly about your social status, you are officially an asshole.
- If you are famous via the internet, trust me, you don't want to be proud of that. That just means people find you attractive, NOT interesting.
- If you have not yet set up voice mail for your phone, you are the sole reason for the blood vessel popping on the side of my head. What are you doing that could be so much more important then missing and NEVER getting my missed calls?? hmm?? SET UP YOUR DAMN VOICE MAIL ASSHOLE! 
- How about trying to talk to me/get my number while I'm trying to run is not a good way to hook up with a me. I am in the zone dick, can't you see? 

Here is how you properly handle a car accident
  1. You should probably realize that this could very well be ALL your fault. Just because it "seems" like you may have been doing the right thing doesn't mean you were.
  2. With that being said, so what? maybe the dude that hit you was wrong but hey, he/she is hurt so it doesn't matter. That is someone's mother/father/sister/brother/bestfriend, and if they die because of your arrogance, then a whole family could be cursing you at night for the rest of their lives, and guess what that causes. Bad karma and bad karma is a fucking BITCH. 
  3. After you get over that fact and finally decide to help this person/people you should push aside that this is actually an accident till the police get there. No mentioning whos fault it is, and who did what. I don't care if someone is yelling at you, that's alright because why? karma. 
  4. Speak fluent, perfect english and be extremely polite to everyone including witnesses. Don't cry or use your crying baby as crutch 
  5. Get EVERYONES information.
  6. Sure, your car is probably ruined, but you still have your life. God saved you for some reason.

A client told me I remind her of this girl, specifically this part in the movie she was most recently in.

I laughed because, that was me in a nutshell. 

anyways, stay tuned for relationship tidbits tomorrow.
I will eat your heart.

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