Welcome back to another edition of "Things you should know Monday" but forgot cause it's Monday.
- Hey dude in the track suit texting while running. Who do you think you are? Too important to leave your phone at home for a little quality self time? You look pretentious so stop. Plus, isn't there a law somewhere that says running and texting is illegal? No? well there should be.
- If you are in a business suit and are aimlessly walking around a neighborhood lurking at houses, You would freak me out. So stop and get back to work.
- Is a homeless person that dresses more professional more likely going to make more begging then someone who dresses like a bum? I would feel more comfortable knowing my money is going to someone who at least looks like he makes good decisions.
- Even freaks think other people are freaks.
- I hate when people tell me "I don't know what I want to do with the rest of my life." What do you mean you don't know? You enjoy certain things right? and those certain things have certain places that could hire you, right? Well go to school for it YA DICK!
- It is more beneficial to you (and everyone else) to be decently good at everything, then fairly awesome at only some.
- Why are you so nosey on the road?! everyone's so interested to see dead bodies! you are one sick fuck let me tell you! Pay attention to the road asshole, don't you remember what your parents used to tell you? both hands on the wheel and eyes on the road! Just because you have a fetish with dead bodies doesn't mean I do! I have a job to get to!
- Happy thanksgiving. With that being said, stuff yourself into a coma that you won't come out of till next week.
- Don't you DARE be one of those douche bags that puts some ignorant political bumper sticker on your car. Not everyone is as passive aggressive as I am, it could cost you your life.
- If you buy a house keep in mind that the lawn isn't going to mow itself.
- Do pimps and prostitutes look normal in there attire on the corner they are running? In other words, do the neighbors walk by and nod as if it was just another passer-by? When they leave to catch dinner and a movie, do they not think "hey, maybe we should change because we are still in work attire" No but seriously, do they? Because I was at Jamba Juice a couple days ago and, it sure as fuck didn't seem like it to me.
- While turning a corner it is not acceptable to make a full stop unless there is an actual stop sign there.
- Everyone once a month should get there nails done but if you are a dude, keep that info on the down low.
- Note to self. It is sexy as fuck for someone to be compassionate and dedicated to there work.
- If someone uses their talents to help you for free, the proper way to thank them is NOT by casting them out because they wont ever give you free help again.
- Why isn't there enough time in the day?
- If you know someone and they do something completely out of the ordinary and boast about it, they are probably doing it for the attention.
- If you are a dude, you are NOT allowed to be scared of scary movies.
- Don't make the same mistake twice.
- When I was younger I thought babies came from the belly button, I could fall through cracks and grocery stores had there own personal police department used to house badly behaving children FOREVER. Point being, children don't have a clue about anything, therefore if you are under the age of 16 your argument is invalid.
- Guess what? If your child isn't with in a foot of your body, you are a shitty parent and need to go to mommy or daddy pre-school. Cars aren't made of marsh mellows you idiot!
How do you know a guy is really interested in you? I feel like it is taking him forever to make a move!
Well anon, It's hard to say but if it has been too long chances are he is probably keeping you around because he likes the attention. What's too long? well, if you have given him an open door to make a move more then 5 times and he hasn't done a thing, then it has been too long! By open door I mean you have hung out, left your hand out in the open, caressed his back, tousled his hair and all the other really cheesy shit you usually do to basically throw yourself out there with out getting demolished by a giant bus. Guess what's gonna happen when you all of a sudden disappear or make yourself appear to have a life? that kid will be knocking on your door wondering what the FUCK happened.