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Monday, December 27, 2010

Not sure what I should get.

Welcome back to another edition of "Things you should know but forget because you are too ungreatful to be happy with what you got for christmas you must return it the day after.... -______-" 

- If I don't pick up when you call then leave me a message. That's what it's there for. Not for you to ignore and play this stupid guessing game with me. Leave a message. 

- Just so you know the holocaust didn't happen because of Jews. If this is big news to you, You are officially a moron and need to go die in a hole. 

- Hey if I say "happy holidays", or anything remotely close but you don't celebrate any "holidays" then be nice and say "you too" don't be a dick and tell me you don't celebrate anything. That's just like me saying "have a nice day" and you reply with "fuck you too" 

- I hate when news personnel try to be funny on television. Just do your job and report the news. We know you went to school to broadcast, not to be a comedian. so do your fucking job, anything else makes for awkward television.

- I have a very short attention span, so please don't get angry at me when I am not paying attention after a conversation lasting more then 5 minutes. I blame the speedy society. 

- I wonder what would happen if we spent just as much time perfecting humans the way we did dog breeds. 

"And you know they are mad. Thats why corgis are so mean, because they have no legs"

- If you are trying to tell someone they will not be good at anything, then just tell them! Don't beat around the bush, it fucks with people self esteem even more.

- Hey dick, If I give you advice, you better fucking take it. I have zero tolerance for people who openly ask me for my advice and then never take it. 

- There is no such thing as a stupid question.

- To answer your question, Yes, everyone is judging you. Every single second of the day someone is thinking to themselves wether or not you are a good or bad person for what ever reason. You will not always be a good person, but I hope you will usually never be a bad one. That's all that matters.

- I promised myself never to bring up religion or politics but there will be few exceptions like this one. There is no greater religion! Religion does not define a person, It just gives you a fact about a certain person. If religion defined people, then that means food does too and sorry to disappoint but I am not a taco. 

- Nobody cares where you are. As a matter of fact the people you don't want knowing where you are, are the only ones who care. So take that stupid locater facebook app off. 

- If you have had more then 3 boyfriends in the last 3 months you are NOT allowed to bitch about being "lonely" 

- No matter how cold it gets in florida, it can't be anywhere near to how cold people are in newyork. So stop bitching and bundle up. 

- If you spend the majority of your time thinking Barack Obama is an alien from africa, you are no longer allowed to vote. 

Do you have a "Thing" we should know? Tell us by leaving a comment! 

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