That dude is double OH seven

Since I live in sunny miami florida this is ideal for guys. If you live in colder areas you can dress it down with a colder pair of dark jeans, a dark brown belt and some cool dark rimmed glasses. Get it. 

Edward H.

Guys!

- Look I think it's probably important you get a friend that doesn't hate every girl you date and thinks of good and bad ideas, and not just bad ideas all the time. Find someone who is going to think of were everyone is coming from and not just where he sees you from where he's standing, which is usually on the outside, 50 blocks away. 

I recently had a conversation with someone about wether or not I liked men who were shaven or not. When I answered he replied with "It becomes all itchy and irritated" 

GIFSoup

I like a shaved face sometimes, and I like a not shaved face sometimes.

I DONT LIKE TO BLOW A GUY WHO HAS RUSSLE BRAND IN BETWEEN HIS LEGS

Before I could go any further I asked his preference on his women, wether he liked them shaved or not. He replied "Yes! I am not planning on getting any hair stuck in my teeth when I do a girl a favor"

So let me get this straight, In order for us to get you to even "THINK" about going down on us, we BETTER be hairless in the nether regions, but you cant endure a few days of razor burn?

just an F.Y.I we weren't ALWAYS this smooth down there, it took practice and skill and the knowledge of our own bodies. There were days where we had razor burn and lumps and bumps we thought might have been cancer. We do it for you!

I know this can sound a bit intimidating but its okay! thats why I'm here! to tell you ALL of our secrets!

How to shave your private base! 
First you will need these supplies

• A NEW razor. 
• Soap (Pink Dove)
• Exfoliating shower gloves
• Gold bond medicated powder
• Trimmer
• Lotion

okay!

Step 1: Make sure you will be shaving at a night where you WONT be getting any action. Your skin needs to recuperate after the shave and any strenuous activities will stir things up and make your night really uncomfortable.

Step 2: Trim your hair if its that bad. I know a lot of guys who think having 1/2 a millimeter of hair is acceptable and ITS NOT. So trim first. Most guys feel a little insecure about having a total nude area next to there hairy legs so you can always trim around the groin area too.

Step 3: Shower. Wash your hair and body first before you go into shaving. Head to toe THEN your privates.

Step 4: Make the water a little more hot then usual and use the exfoliating shower gloves to lather the dove soap into your groin. Do this for about 3 minutes. You want to really get the hair to stand up to avoid getting any in grown hairs.

Step 5: Grab your spankin new razor. I usually use bic as seen above because they work well for me and are inexpensive. JUST MAKE SURE it has more then ONE razor or you will be here FOREVER. You are going to want to use a NEW razor each time you shave your privates because the hair usually down there is so coarse it quickly dulls the razor. which can cause complications when used after that.

Step 6: If you want you can use shaving cream. It will probably feel better too if its your first time doing this.

Step 7: Begin to shave. Most people say shaving with the grain helps but I never really care at this point. Shave until all hair is gone and take your time. This isn't a race, we don't want you to look like you got attacked by a cat down there.

Step 8: Wash yourself clean.

Step 9: After towel drying yourself off apply lotion and get into bed. Make sure its a lotion that has aloe in it.

Step 10: Once the lotion has set into your skin you may apply the Gold bond medicated powder to the area and let it sit over night. It cools and makes the area feel less irritated. I consider this product a god send.

Then rest. I think the key part is to not let there be any friction between after the shower and the morning. Apply the gold bond powder in the morning before work for the next 3 days or when ever you feel irritation starts. The reason why girls don't get razor burn is the same reason why you don't when you shave your face, because you do it at least once every 8 days. Once your skin gets used to the shave the razor burn slowly fades and becomes non-existent. 


Also, it's not a favor! its common courteously! much like pulling out a ladies seat or opening her door DICK FUCKS!

GIRLS

I gotta say I am not liking the pant-to-bra look. I just don't! I'm sorry! sometimes it looks alright but most of the time, and believe me its most of the time usually, it doesn't! I used to make fun of my aunt when she wore shit like this when I was little, and I will not conform to this fashion statement simply because its in now. 

This however, is WONDERFUL! get it! add her! BE HER! :)

Alicia A.

We have to stop being so jealous all the time! I see what you are doing, lurking everyones myspace/facebook/twitter/tumblr/jesustherearewaytoomanynetworkingsites! it has to stop! A little jealousy is okay and never hurt anyone! but too much is scary and really wrong. Grab a hold of your insecurities and let them go, he's with you for a reason, a reason I'm not so sure of but he seems to be! :) 

merp! its fang island! and man they resemble a british version of minus the bear which is always good news! 

Justin showed me this song yesterday and I instantly fell in love with it :) 

Recommend me to your firends! comment and ask questions you feel need answers! You can even ask anonymously! Tune in next week for some other neat stuff! 

Say goodbye to the voices in your head.

Im just going to say this because honestly it is bothering the shit out of me. I hate when people act like everything is peachy with there boyfriend/girlfriend/wife/husband when they were JUST on the verge of breaking up or divorcing. You don't get gloating privileges till after a whole month of not arguing and almost calling it quits. DICKS.

- When gift shopping, stick to what you know if you don't really know what you are doing.
- Just because you have a wad of 100 dollar bills does NOT make it okay for you to throw it at me like I am a 2 cent hooker. Next time I WILL throw your change.
- Be courteous to those walking in the rain while driving. It really sucks to get splashed by someone who is too busy texting while driving, which is illegal.

Here is a golden ticket:

Please do all the finding of yourself BY YOURSELF. It bothers me when people say "I really just need to find out who I am" a year into a relationship. Seriously? what were you doing before? Coasting? GTFO. It's never fair to date someone who is ready for something amazing, when you CLEARLY aren't.

While we are on this subject, forcing someone to do ANYTHING is wrong. You can't FORCE someone to change, just like you can't FORCE someone to have sex with you. So either you come to terms that someone will always be the way they are and deal with it, or pack your shit and go. Don't sit there trying to make someone change because the only way someone will change is if they REALLY want it. Change does happen, people do change when they want to.

Also a side note, NEVER put your best foot forward for a girl because its always a major let down to find out a month down the road that the person you made yourself up to be, really doesn't exist. Just be real, we will accept it if we like you enough, trust me.

Eh, my secret room is better...

"How come I never get the girl/boy?" 

1. Don't be so available all the time! I know this is hard because you have been single for what seems like forever, or maybe you forgot what its like to be in the game cause its been so long since you have or maybe you think you knew what you were doing and its just not working. The LESS someone knows about you, the MORE interested someone will be. That doesn't have to apply AFTER you have finalized your feelings for each other. 

FOR EXAMPLE:

girl and boy meet via internet (i say that now because i don't know someone who has met someone IRL yet and it actually work out)

For the first 3 weeks DON'T play 20 questions. I know you are thinking "wtf why not" because thats what the other person is going to be thinking "why the hell aren't they asking all these things about me? I thought they liked me" which in return will make them even more interested/intrigued about you. 

Play it cool, by that I mean sit back and relax. Don't have a heart attack if they don't up and ask you for your number or ask you out on a date. Also, make yourself seem like a busy person. Even if you aren't a naturally busy person, thats okay! make pretend you are. That doesn't mean to completely ignore who you like, it just means to seem not so completely available all the time. 

Leave texts open for a text back, like a question. If they don't text back then, hey its not the end of the world. If it is, then don't ACT like it in front of the person you like, in other words don't text the person a MILLION times hoping they will write back. 

Tune in next week for how to hook someone you like! :) 

Tickle me pink.

Dos and Don'ts of your first real (or second or third) relationship:

Assuming you've had your fair share of relationships, ones short or long, eventually you will com across someone who is worth taking then extra step for. Here are some things you should know/think about when you decide to take this journey together.

- Do ask yourself if you are with this person for the right reasons. I come across a lot of people who are in relationships they wish to be serious but are really with someone to pass the time till something better comes along, or just simply because they are afraid of being alone. If you find that you really aren't madly deeply in love with this person, or you don't see yourself ever getting to that point then you are better off being alone. It's totally not fair you get to have your cake and eat it too you selfish piece of shit.

- Do get tested. By tested I mean STD and HIV tested. Not some pee test, you (yes you male readers) need to go to a urologist. Explain how madly and deeply in love you are and you want to make sure everything is working at its finest. Same goes to you ladies. Get your gynecologist to prescribe you some birth control, and give you your yearly pap smear while you are at it. knowledge is key here.

- I know I've said this before, and I will probably say it again but birth control does NOT protect you from STD's and so we can be absolutely clear on this here is a synapsis on the most common ones:

• Syphilis: get this guys, this one is a killer. Literally it WILL kill you if it goes untreated. Thing is most people who have it don't even know till it is too late because symptoms look similar to a pimple or ingrown hair which usually subsides after a few days. If untreated it leads to dementia and in longer untreated cases DEATH.
• Chlamydia: Is a bacterial infection in the urinary and reproductive organs. In a typical case, men will NEVER know they have it because there are usually NO symptoms. Woman who do have it usually don't have symptoms till it is too late. It causes scarring of the fallopian tubes which usually leads to infertility. In men it can later cause arthritis. 
• Gonorrhea: Symptoms usually don't appear till 2-3 days after someone is infected however, usually the infected never see signs just like the rest of these lovelies. Even if you are just heavy petting, (masturbating each other) you can STILL be infected. Discharge is usually yellow or green and has a fowl smell similar to rotten flesh. Worst case scenarios are arthritis, infertility in both sexes, blindness, fever and pelvic inflammatory disease. 
• Herpes: About 1 out of 6 people have it. You can become infected just by having direct contact to someone who is having/about to have an out break. That means someone might not be totally covered in sores for you to get it, it means someone might not have any sores at all for you to be infected. Guess what, once you have this bad boy it NEVER goes away. Not a single drug that will make it disappear must like HIV/AIDS. 
• Genital warts: Also known as HPV(human papilloma virus) has become increasingly common these days which is why it is so important to be tested even before you become sexually active to receive the necessary vaccinations before you decide to take the next step in your relationship or life in general. HPV has many stages, some which can be invisible to the human eye, not like the normal cauliflower images they shoot into your brain in health class. Some cases there are only warts on the inside on the cervix, and remain in there till the bodies natural defense system fights the infection off. Unfortunately, much like herpes, genital warts never go away and are very contagious. Not even condoms will save you from this dude. 
• HIV/AIDS: The name alone will usually scare people off, so I'm sure I don't need to go too much into details other then it is a deteriorating expensive disease that will more sooner then later kill you. There is no cure, no vaccine, no nothing to make this virus any better. Protect yourself, before you wreck yourself. 
• Chancroid: This is also making its come back, especially in warmer climates like miami or california. Similar to herpes this bad boy has a "sore" appearance, usually causing swelling of the genitals. It can be spread just by simple contact with someone else's open sore. 

- Take the necessary steps to figure out how you are going to make this relationship last long happily. Everyone loves the honeymoon phase, but who says that has to end? great sex doesn't ever have to stop being great or interesting. Just like love doesn't ever have to get boring. Take it upon yourself to ask each other what makes the both of you explode with feelings and write them down. You can make it so that every year on your anniversary you can reenact your first date and completely act like you don't already know everything about this person. It's the exciting new things that make everything much more interesting, and that never has to die. 

- Move in together before getting married. I know that goes against some peoples religion but I think you really get to know more about someone after you have lived with them for a year or so. 

- Learn how to get over the arguments. Most people argue the same way every time and once you have learned how that person argues, it will make it easier on how to solve a problem quicker. If someone doesn't usually like talking about what's bothering them at that moment, then don't bother them! just wait it out and then talk about it. Yelling doesn't solve anything, and normally the person is either on the other line or right in front of you, there for there is no need to yell. 

- Have some future goals. It's always sexy as hell when someone has a "life" a head of them and the ambition for it. No one wants to marry someone who wants to be a professional couch potato. 

- Don't think about the past and how things could've been. I have friends who constently dwell in the past instead of think of the future, it's a real downer for a relationship. 

- Don't make it about the money. Who makes more or who does more or who brings in more doesn't matter. Both of you are an equal entity, you both bring the same amount to the table. If not then there is something wrong and that NEEDS to be addressed. 

- Guys you need to understand that women are emotional beings and we need comfort and love on a daily basis. Most of the time small amounts are all that is needed, but if you forget that you will have some problems. Simple text messages, messages, notes, hugs, kisses on the cheek, wishing the day well, "I'm thinking of you", "I miss you", or anything you can usually find on those valentine heart candy's will do. It's is the fuel to our relationship, never let it empty.

- Ladies understand that men are more mechanical then us, they need more practical things to feel needed and wanted and to enjoy themselves in this relationship. By that I mean usually awesome gifts will make them the happiest person on the planet and make you the most awesome. Sex is a big deal so keep it interesting, and don't ever let him think he isn't the most amazing you have ever had. Don't be the typical girl he talks about like the one his best friend is dating and hating. The one that never lets him go out or play video games, the one that basically runs his life. Don't be that girl. 

Do you have any advice for couples out there or you just want to say something that bothers you about men or women? If so you can always drop a comment and I will post it in my next entry, we will talk about it I promise! ;-) 

There's too much going on these days

Guys: 

- You WANT to be this dude. Ask him for advice or copy him, I don't give a shit. Just do it.

Bobby's Tumblr

I'm answering a few questions I've gotten over the last few days:

- Its not an issue if you aren't circumcised. The bigger issue is if you are a clean person or not.

How to wash your penis:

Step one: After you have washed your whole body (Hair first, limbs next, lastly all your nasty parts) using warm water use a bit of soap (not to much because sometimes this can cause burning because of the amount of detergent in most soaps) start up a decent lather rubbing your hands together. (The most effective way of getting germs off of your hands is to lather for more then 25 seconds, just a little fact for ya)

Step two: While standing, spread your legs evenly to shoulder length to allow more effective cleaning.

Step three: Gently grab your shaft and stroke evenly around the sides. If you have an uncircumcised penis, pull foreskin back with out using too much force as too much force will cause the skin to stretch. Wash the head evenly and let warm water run remaining soap between the head of the penis and foreskin off, then you may release your grip on foreskin.

Step Four: Gently cup your balls and massage to clean, feeling if there are any unnoticed lumps you may have over looked before.

Step Five: I don't know if most males know this, but the most stinky area of ones genitals aren't actually the penis or balls. It's actually the inner thigh area, which essentially is similar to an armpit. While I don't condone putting deodorant directly on your balls or dick, I might suggest placing some here in the inner thigh area.

Step Five: Guess what, your shit does stink. So wash your asshole. No really, please do.

Tune in next week Tuesday for more info on how to groom yourself.

Someone asked me if genital piercings are okay, or what my views on them are. While I'm still not entirely sure why someone would do that to themselves, my personal thought still stays the same. I don't personally like nipple piercing on men, why? because men usually have small nipples. Even if you didn't, emphasizing them wouldn't make any situation better by putting shiny metal through them. Females, however, I find to be sexy with nipple piercings. I should know, because I have them. Pierced genitals are a different story, which I don't think either sex should have only because of how many germs one can get. I also don't find them to be ascetically pleasing to the eye. This doesn't mean that there aren't girls out there who don't mind it, or do find it sexually appealing, I just don't personally like it.

In other words, don't pierce your dick or clit. It's just wrong and pointless.



Girls:

- Why is it so difficult for us (you mostly) to take a compliment. I used to think it was the fear of sounding snobby or self centered but it's getting really annoying hearing from my male friends that they feel obligated to compliment you because of your ridiculously low self esteem. How many times can someone call you beautiful before you finally believe it? It's simple, if you don't think you are then that is totally cool and you can totally keep that to yourself but how DARE you insult someone by telling them indirectly what they think is a lie! If they like you, and are attracted to you, telling them they are wrong isn't going to help your situation any more. Im not saying for you to overly agree with how amazingly hot you are, but you could just say "thanks". You are beautiful even if you are over weight and you sleep all day or flat chested or big boned. That is what is sexy as fuck is confidence, and not that over bearing confidence, that right-amount confidence. You want to know why that's so sexy? because about 97% of girls disagree with any positive statement said about her personality or looks, which in return makes a man turn his head when a girl says "I think so too :)"

Miami horror - Don't be on with her
I do really love this song. It reminds me of something from the 80's which you can never go wrong with.




Pretty lights - Finally moving
This song helps me so much with my writing or editing. Its super chill. Pretty lights have pretty much always been about chill down time. You should definitely check out there stuff.

She playing with her jewlery

Dos and Don'ts of a work place/space:

- Do hide your pens. It seems to me there is a pen thief and he always steals MY pens.
- Don't give too much information about your personal life. It gives people the incentive to "worry" about you and no body wants that from co-workers.
- Don't check your phone too often, like when you are speaking to clients? or talking on the phone with your boss. Its just bad work ethics. There is a place and time for everything.
- Work relationships? keep em at home. I'm not saying they can't happen, just don't bring it to work.
- Life lesson/quotes I could live with out but if I ask, I'd like to know :)
- Smile.
- How about what I'm writing in my journal isn't any of your business so don't look over my shoulder.
- Don't hover.
- How about I didn't ask you for your opinion on how I could better my work ethics, so you don't need to waste your breath.
- Brush your teeth.
- You can drink coffee but drink it with a straw because it stains your teeth and stained teeth are a no bueno.
- Relationship/family/friend issues stay at home.
- Its okay to have a bad day, everyone does.
- Nobody intentionally shows up late, or gets deathly sick in the morning. If they do, you should fire them. DON'T be mad at them if they are for realz though.
- Write things down. I am a very forgetful person. I just usually have so much going on at once so I've grown accustom to writing things down and momentarily going over them once I have the time during the day.
- Do write down your hours. I've had incidences in the past where my boss has "forgot" that worked 44 hours instead of 34 hours. Woopsie, I guess. But don't let it happen again or else someones getting punched in the dick.
- I really can't take my own advise cause for the life of me even when I try to leave early it just doesn't work for me. DON'T BE A TARDY ASSHOLE. If you are call at least give me a heads up, don't just assume I have some tracking device on you. I have a life, and it doesn't include trying to find your late ass.
- Don't but in when someone is trying to explain something. I can't fucking stand it when I'm in the middle of explaining something and someone interjects my sentence with something I was going to say but clearly wasn't given the chance because someone likes the sound of there own voice.

- Hey asshole, I'm not getting paid extra to do your job so how about you do your own job description. You want to pay me half of your salary so you can slack off, I will be more then happy to pick up the slack. But until that happens GET THE FUCK UP.
- What does it look like I'm doing, it's called working.
- Don't ask dumb questions that you are clearly capable of finding the answer on your own (I fall victim to this just because I think its easier to ask, and I like to talk out loud sometimes? BUT DON'T BE A DICK TO ME ABOUT IT AND THEN AN HOUR LATER ASK ME SOMETHING SIMILAR TO WHAT I WAS ASKING EARLIER)
- Why don't YOU get a little more organized.
- Don't talk down to your employees, We work hard enough to feel like we are just as important as anyone else in the work space.
- Personal calls should be at a minimum and not because someone wants to hear your voice.
- Take a shower before work if you are a naturally stinky person.
- Lets not talk about how you are used to picking up shit because you have a 1 year old. KTHANKSBAI
- Never, by any means talk about religion or politics.
- Don't be a dick boss. Be a Awesome possum boss. Working with an APB makes everyones life so much easier.

GIFSoup
- Bring lunch. It will save you TONS of money.

- Hey if you have the body, fucking show it. I praise you for doing it. But if you don't WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM? DO YOU OWN A MIRROR? you are not Jennifer Lopez dude, fucking cover your tits.
- Lets keep the shit talking to your self and close friends, I know its tempting because you think there are people you can trust but there NEVER is. So lets just zip it.
- Wash your clothes. No really, just cause you have a dress code that requires you to wear the same thing every day doesn't mean its totally cool for you to wear the same thing everyday for a month. GRODIE!












Decemberists - The rake song

I know I'm totally late on this but FUCK THIS CD IS SO GOOD!


 The Decemberists - The hazards of love pt.1


Goodbye Sunrise - On Your Birthday

It's been a while since I was in to the whole poppy scene but, I like this band. They make me want to move.

(I got my new lens! do you like!?)


Do you ever want something more for yourself? Your relationship? Life in general? How could you get it and why haven't you?  

On and on until we disappear.

- Sometimes all someone needs is an "I love you" in the most unexpected time. I know you say it all the time when we are hanging up the phone, or when you are leaving to the store but those "I love yous" are just another form of goodbye. Who wants the meaning of "I love you" to be goodbye? Don't make it have that meaning.

- If you are continuously getting treated wrongly in a relationship, you should seriously ask yourself if it is worth your sanity and happiness to be with this one person. Why is it so hard for us to give up on something that causes us so much hurt? We can't all be masochists or over achievers can we? Differentiate the two, tell yourself couples argue and make up but if its personal attacks, then you should pack your bags and get up.

- Never call a girl fat, whore, bitch, cunt or any other vulgar name in the urban dictionary. We are old enough to know that they are your way of attacking our self esteem because you have nothing else to attack because you realize you are in the wrong. Instead, if we are being unreasonable, just tell us we are acting like a child. It gets under our skin more.

- Saying goodbye is the hardest thing any of us will ever have to do.

- If life is all about transitional periods, then why aren't we made of silly pudy? Bones protect our vital organs from blunt forces yet sometimes it still feels like invisible forces are able to penetrate it.

- If you knew your next move would take a turn for the worst, would you still do it?

- Its worth waiting for the one person that makes you feel like the only person they will ever love.



-

We cannot restore

Things you should know mondayerificfantasicalmagnificent 

- It takes 10 bottles of tea that you buy at any department store, made by a giant corporation, to administer all the antioxidants a single bag of tea made at home does.
- If you have a hot boyfriend/girlfriend and they post picture of themselves that looks decently nice, the wrong reaction would be to yell and tell them they are an attention whore. You should be happy such a beautiful human being puts up with your psychotic ass.
- Talking out loud in public when there isn't a recipient there to answer you makes you look crazy, so stop.
- Don't get too lost in your dreams.
- Falling asleep with make-up on doesn't mean you will look just as pretty in the morning.
- If you know you are the type of person to over-react over something silly, like innocent comments to your boyfriend from other girls, you should take the time to ask yourself if it's worth you feeling like an asshole in the end. If you think it is, discontinue reading my blog.
- Pounding, hard sex, is not always best and in most cases unacceptable.
- Multiple orgasms, Guys learn it.
- The definition of administer: To Give.
- The definition of apply: To put onto.
- Soul mates are real.
- Just because happy endings are only in fairy tales doesn't mean they don't exist.
- Educate your ears by listening to all types of music, and enjoying it.

You could start here:
August mixtape
September mixtape
July mixtape

- If your marriage didn't last longer then a year then you fail at life. (unless you weren't the one who wanted a divorce in the first place)
- Divorce/Cheating are not a "normal" part of life.
- Fuck without a condom, means for happier sex safe lives.
- Remember this isn't "insert your name here" world.
- No one should ever stop you from your happiness.
- If you don't want to take someone's advice, thats cool. But if said person's advice turns out to be the better judgment, You should probably listen to what they have to say from that point on. Just sayin...
-  Confidence is the most sexy thing a man can have. Over confidence is the most unattractive thing a man can have.
- The mating game is a confusing one that it seems not many of us are very good at playing.
- If you have a crush on someone, try not to be so available all the time. Act like you have a life at least, outside of dreaming of your crush.
- Nice guys do finish last, only because your dream girl let douche dude get eaten by a zombie knowing you would get there soon.

GIFSoup

"Take my misery, I give all of it.

Take one chance, I'll be there.

Offering all of myself I give everything,

for my last opportunity."

Meeting someone's parents for the first time:

- Don't dress like a douche. Normally, I don't think that douche's normally know they are dressing douche baggery, so heres how you know:

• Your pants are below your hip line.
• You are wearing flip flops with socks
• Your button down shirt isn't tucked in and the collar is flipped up (who the fuck are you trying to kid)
• Your clothes aren't ironed.
• There is any form of glitter/really lame tag line/badly drawn animal/missing sleeves/visible tags/ visible bra.
• Your tattoos are clearly visible.
• Your hat is on/backwards/sideways
• You are chewing gum
• You are wearing a tank top
• Your underwear are showing
• Your Cologne is overbearing 
• Your hair doesn't move in a natural way.

- Do hide your tattoos for at least this once. Even if your boy/girlfriend says their parents are the coolest people on the planet. It will go a long way once they know you did it out of respect for them.

- Do only wear one item of jewelry. That means a set of earrings, or 1 necklace. 

- Do make this the one impression the best one, as if your life depended on it.

- Dudes, shake dads hand.

- Girls, kiss dads cheek.

- Do talk about common interests, and just nod if either one of the parents say something you don't particularly agree with.

- If you opinion is asked, make sure it is something everyone WILL agree on, if you know it wont be then just say you aren't really sure how to feel about it and smile. 

- Open the door for your lady.

- Don't bother asking to help wash dishes, skip that part and just do it. If mom or dad insists on doing them just say "dinner was amazing, its the least I can do" 

- Napkin goes on your lap, not in your shirt.

That is how you properly hold a knife when at the table. Use it.

- Be punctual. Always better to be early then late.

- NEVER start eating before everyone else has even thought to do so. I know you are hungry but trust me, it can wait. 

- Cellphone = OFF AND PUT AWAY.

- Cover your mouth after you have fully swallowed your food when you want to say something.

- I know this goes with out saying but CLOSE YOUR MOUTH WHEN CHEWING. 

- If you are a smoker, you are not allowed a smoking break unless mom and dad beg you to do so with them.

- Do shower before going to a dinner. (duh.)

- Ladies, Don't dress like a 2 cent hooker from the projects. Since most 2 cent hookers don't know they dress like 2 cent hookers from the projects, here are some things you shouldnt wear:

• Your skirt is clearly showing your ass (skirts shouldn't be worn to dinner that are 4 inches above the knee)
• Your top clearly shows your cleavage. (Always wear a cardigan when in doubt)
• Your hair is disarrayed. (Pinning back your hair is always an option that shouldn't be over looked.)
• Your nail color is some bright unknown color of the rainbow and matches your eyeshadow but doesn't match a single clothing item you are wearing.  
• Your high heels look like they are strangling your feet to death. 
• Glitter is everywhere.

- Don't talk about your sex life or anything relating to sex. 

- Do talk proper english. 

- Don't come off as a pretentious asshole. That means having a "higher then thou" persona or having an answer to everything, even things that need not an answer.

- Don't drink. By that I mean try to stay away from any alcoholic beverages. 

-  PDA is okay as far as holding hands and a kiss on the cheek. 

I would hope that either sex is dating someone who is good enough to impress ones parents by having some sort of values and goals set for themselves. I would hope that my readers have that much of a standard for themselves. It is important for parents to see that there son/daughter isn't dating someone who is just "Sticking around". Goals and ambition are qualities that make people and an atmosphere seem happy and light. If you don't have any goals or ambition, get some.  No one wants someone like you, and if they do, they aren't the type of people someone worth having wants around. 

Proper grammar and knowing what you are talking about is important, because no one wants to be that person that totally mistaken the twin towers for a mall they visited in new york. It is sometimes better to not say something at all then to think what you are saying is correct. 

Mission accomplished. 

Would distance keep you away from something amazing? 

Miles away.

This is pretty much how I picture my room being:

as see HERE

I want things to be organized perfectly in artsy ways and for some reason that is the most difficult for me to do. I can do it though. You will see.

On a side note Really people? Flickr dedicated to twilight themed rooms. :shakes head: 

Onward...

- Band dudes should be on the lower part of your "do date" list. Why? well this might not go for EVERY band dude out there but for the majority they aren't looking for anything serious. Even if they say they are, completely ignore that statement as if it never came from his lips. Hey, if thats what you're looking for, by all means do it. Just sayin, don't be surprised if you find out he's also dating some chick in oklahoma. 

- I know divorce happens for a reason, but does that make it any more okay that it happens? I hate when people try and fool themselves into thinking divorce is "okay" because one or both parties just got tired of each other. Someone please tell me that there is hope for safe and happy marriages. 

- Where ever you are living, will always need a helping hand, even if its your own home. So do it a favor and clean up. I mean REALLY clean up. Get in the crevices, places that normally don't see the light of day.

- If you are a dude, and your girlfriend is coming over. Clean your room and any room she may possibly step foot in. I know we say we don't care but we do, really.. we really do. Dirty dishes, those boxers on the floor, what that stain is behind your toilet. No bueno, and it kinda makes us cringe. 

- Bleach kills EVERYTHING. All of those over the counter cleaners that say "Kills 99.9% of bacteria" Don't do justice compared to "KILLS EVERYTHING". So use bleach when cleaning, and make sure you clean in clothes you don't care about. 

- Clean sheets are nice. 

- While I'm not a vegetarian,  I do respect my meat. Buy organic, and try Kobe beef. It may be a bit expensive but it's totally worth it. Also I'm pretty sure anything injected with hormones so that it can have cancerous sizes of muscle so that fat asses like you and I can have more "bang" for our buck (literally) HAS to be bad for you. and if you are vegetarian or vegan, YOU ARE LOVED.

- Speaking of eating habits, why are the bad foods sooooo tasty!? Anything that good tasting can't be good for you. I'm sure it's not, so lets have a salad instead. :( 

- Use lotion. 

- Smoking is just bad. It hurts you, and it hurts the people around you. Don't do it. 

things you should know.

-Anything can happen, and anything that does is worth happening. It forms us into the greater version of ourselves.

- Love can be felt almost instantly, it's possible and it does happen.

- Small things, Normal things that occur with in your normal day, should be what makes you the happiest once you notice how important they really are.

- You cannot bring anything with you once your soul leaves this earth. Therefor that box of useless shit that you for some reason wont get rid of because of some emotional attachment or small thought that sometime in the future someone will use it, should disappear almost instantly.

- Family is forever, regardless of your differences. Happiness, however is more important then being unhappy forever.

- You could be the only reason someone smiles on there hardest day of being alive.

- Take a chance, just do it. Don't listen to what other people tell you, they don't have the slightest clue.

- Texting should not be your main way of getting in contact with someone or the world.

- No you will not turn out like your parents, because you know exactly what they did to get there.

- There is absolutely no point in doing drugs unless it is to help you get over a sickness, and no, addiction is not allowed to be used as a sickness. What is the point? seriously? You experiment with 1 drug. That could go either way, 1: You don't really like it, therefor there was no real reason to try the drug in the first place. 2: you get addicted, and now you throw your life away over a costly experiment. Neither of the two sound worth anyones time, so why do it?

- I know I speak for everyone here but no one ever really wants that "honey moon" phase to disappear for no reason. So lets try and keep that phase going on forever? Its fun and exciting and everyone loves it.

- Good hygiene is a must. I know that sounds like something everyone knows, but apparently they don't. So there. Use deodorant, actually shampoo your hair, wash your face and for god sakes take care of your genitals.

- I don't remember asking your opinion but hey, go ahead and waste my time.

- Everyone should be told that it is okay when they have a bad dream. "It's okay, it was just a dream"

If you loved someone who was self destructive (friend? family? lover?) How would  you cope other then leaving and never coming back? 

I love you more then anything in my life.

Happy wednesday! I was so lucky to find such great music for you guys!! I really hope you enjoy it. If you have any suggestions please send em my way!

September Mixtape!

you could also stop by my flickr and check out the pictures ive shot recently.

Emilyisasecret's flickR