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Sunday, January 9, 2011

Pregnant woman are smug...

After signing online today It was overnight that everyone on my facebook began to pop out newborns. Some I didn't even know were expecting! Don't get me wrong, pregnancy is beautiful and the most exhilarating part of a womans life, I just feel that its SO glamorized now what with all the run offs on MTV and TLC I almost feel happy that I haven't had kids yet because Its almost like I'm not following some child hungry crowd. 

I know if you are reading this and you have kids, you must be thinking "what the fuck does she know, she's never had a kid" Well you may be right, but with that being said, I am really grateful I hadn't and can honestly say all the people I do know, who ended up having a kid a little too early became just a little too smug for me. Its almost like they think a baby actually brings a bag of money and a helping hand and the fact that they did it out of wedlock, or maybe even in wedlock but still quite too young makes them God's on earth.

Yeah, wow big surprise the dude that knocked you up also knocked up his ex behind your back. I bet you weren't expecting that, but guess who was? Me.. see just because you have now acquired another brain in that big ol' tummy of yours doesn't make you smarter..

Guess what else I saw coming? Being totally dirt broke. Having to scrounge for money because neither of you took the time to flourish in education and get an actual job with a 401k. Here is some simple math so I can break it down for you since you are too busy.. doing what ever it is expecting mommys do... 

1 + 2 = 3...  1 = boyfriend who doesn't have a job/dropped out of school/ hasn't ever had a stable income or life what so ever. 2 = Girlfriend who is dumb enough to think that birth control is the one and only way to keep herself from getting pregnant/works a side job at some restaurant/parents pay for everything/ obviously doesn't have a brain because she let some dude put his seed inside her with out a second thought of the outcome.  what's 3 equal? what the both of you have created... a very large disaster for a tiny helpless baby. 

maybe marriage wont fix things, hell divorce rate is at an all time high, but at least you can rest at night knowing you picked the right one.. because you took the time to lay out the pros and cons of Mr. Right

- Job? (check!)
- Education? (Check!) 
- No baby mama/ex girlfriend drama? (Check!) 
- Healthy family environment? (Check!) 
- No prior cheating? (Check!) 

all is a go girls, and he's hot? what the hell are you waiting for?! 

But if the cons higher then the pros or even if there are a *few* cons you should probably NOT HAVE HIS CHILD. I'm not saying that a man isn't able to change, but damn you are at least allowed to be smart about this! It really isn't YOUR decision to make, Its definitely the childs. What child wants to be brought into chaos just because you are trying to keep that douche bag around? 

Also, yeah, I may have never had a kid but just because I haven't and you have and you are strugglin over there in your 1 bedroom apartment trying to make all the ends meet doesn't mean you are much more a better person. 

And if you have had a kid at a young age and you still have a healthy relationship with your husband/boyfriend (meaning you are still together) and had a rough time in the beginning but its all been smooth sailing since then, then BITCH TELL ME YOUR SECRET! teach a fucking class or something! It's not fair so many woman are so ignorant till the last straw is gone! You have the power! 

Anyways this post was to congratulate my new found mamas 

Krissy's sister (I dont know your name but HAPPY BABY!) 

And if you did do everything right, You found the one, you took your time and now you have this wonderful life JESUS I WISH I WAS YOU!  send me some pictures! Tell me your story! 

Or if you just think I am completely wrong with this because you are glad to have a baby daddy with 14 kids and having to buy a new set of tires every week cause someone keeps "mysteriously" slashing them and thats the way you always envisioned your life to be.. you can go ahead and tell me your story too. 


  1. AMEN!!! Happy baby everyone. Kudos to you for extending your family tree. And have fun cleaning up poop and vomit at three a.m. I know the only vomit and ass I'll be wiping at that time will be my own! ツ

  2. hahhah I love how honest you are. Great post!