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Monday, April 18, 2011

LeGAL



- I hate when people use old sayings at the wrong time. If you aren't sure exactly what the saying means, just don't say it to sound wise, cause in the end you will sound very stupid.

For example:
Joe: I just think those TSA reports were done last week, which is why there are none on my desk this week
Alex: Yeah, this weekend was craazeeeeee like beating a dead horse.

umm yeah... no... thats not how you use that expression, sorry.

- Sometimes when moments like that occur, I like to pretend I'm on my very own episode of the office and look at corners of the room and act like there is a camera to make faces like this:


- Apparently cumming on a girls face isn't degrading according to every single person I know with a penis.

- If it means you will be saving a life, you are doing your job as a human being. 

- On that note, I would personally take a bullet for any stranger. 

- If you are the type of person that gets very over dramatic when something very miniscule happens, such as a change in temperature, go to a doctor and have them sow your mouth shut. kthanksbai

- Speaking about vagina, thanks to Laz I am now referring to my/any "naughty part" as a cookie. It's fun! It's cute! just do it. It makes for neat inside jokes.

- I used to care about what people said about me, but now if you don't like me... there's the door. 

- there is no harm in looking for love as long as you know you will be disappointed the majority of the time. 

- I cannot stress enough how sexy confidence is. 

- Understand there will be many situations in life. A lot of them will be shitty, but its just so you can appreciate when they aren't. 

- I don't think you are ready for this jelly. 

- People who are able to create drama out of nothing should be only allowed to associate themselves with other people who do the same thing. although, I think if we did that, a giant black hole will open up and... yeah... no bueno. 

- It's not a good thing to have nightmares that feature you being late to work.

- Drugs are bad. They just are. I don't need to tell you that because we've been saying it for God knows how long, but just stay away from them. 

- If you are getting sexually turned on just by sitting next to a person of the opposite sex, something isn't right. 

- What's also not right is continuing to cancel date plans on a girl that really wants to just have a make out session.

- Everyone should have a wooden figure of JAWS. I know I do and this guy is pretty awesome. He sent mine really quick, just in time for my friends birthday gift.


- The reproductive cycle of bees is fascinating – and complex. But here’s the short story: a queen is selectively bred in a special "queen cell" in the hive and fed royal jelly by worker bees to induce her to become sexually mature.

A virgin queen that survives to adulthood without being killed by her rivals will take a mating flight with a dozen or so male drones (out of tens of thousands eligible bachelors in the colony). But don’t call these drones lucky because during mating, their genitals explode and snap off inside the queen!

Strange as it is, this actually makes evolutionary sense: the snapped-off penis acts as a genital plug to prevent other drones from fertilizing the queen. But tell that to the dead drone whose penis just exploded.

happy monday.

1 comment:

  1. Awwwwwwwwww!!! ;) Am I famous now? So famous that I'll be seeing more cookies that the Keebler Elf factory?!?!

    ReplyDelete