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Monday, April 25, 2011

We all come from broken homes.


- If you are going to take your date to the movies, take it up a notch and take her to play. its original and awesome, sure fire way into a girls vagina. 

- Everyone should have a car survival kit in their car that carries, rope, a flash light, screw driver, a knife, a flat tire repair kit

- Never be the one who is canceling last minute on a date, I will never pick up your phone calls again. 

- Cuddling is cute but not when I am trying to sleep. It gets hot as fuck and I always feel like I'm suffocating 

- I have a big pet peeve about people who use incorrect grammar. This is weird because I can sometimes not be the greatest at spelling, but I know it when I hear it and its much like hearing someone vomit.

- How do I not speak spanish? Well its simple see... anywhere else it would just be normal for my primary language to be english being that the more prominent language anywhere else in america IS FUCKING ENGLISH. No, I don't NEED to speak spanish, I won't die if I don't. How about YOU learn english? One day Miami is going to be taken by a giant wave and where will you be then? hmm? If you left miami and went anywhere else in Florida or out of the state you would be royally fucked. Miami is the only place you can get away with this. So fuck you very much. 


- I don't date anyone in Miami simply because all the men I know and see are shorter then me.

- Someone asked me the other day if I was filthy rich would I own a yacht? FUCK YEAH I WOULD!!! what else is there to throw away money on? I wanna be like jay-z, bitches... 

- It's not my fault you are late... I didn't wake you up an hour late. I didn't create traffic JUST for you, so don't take it out on me. 

- I am definitely NOT a feminist. I do think woman should be in the kitchen, safely at home catering to a loving family. By the same token I think men should fix absolutely anything and everything. If you can't, you obviously have a small penis. 

- I have 3 very important qualities I look for in a dude. 
1. Do you love dogs, specifically LARGE dogs?
If your answer is "I like dogs" then you have answered this question wrong and have failed. You must LOVE dogs, not just "Like" them.

2. Do you love scary movies?
If your answer is "I like scary movies" then you have answered this question wrong and have failed. You must LOVE scary movies, not just "like" them.

3. Have you ever cheated or been convicted of a felony?
If you answer yes to either of these, you deserve a punch in the dick. 


- A lot of people take much comfort in sympathy from others and self pity themselves. I personally find you pathetic.

- I use the Force for knowledge and defense, never for attack. 

- I am still a mystery and take great comfort in that.

- Today I thanked God for cold air in my grandmothers 1980's BMW, no traffic and a hot cup of home made cuban coffee. 

- Studying for finals is a medical term for "Zombie virus" 

- Wow ^^ 

- One of the shittiest feelings on earth is finally being right about something, and then being totally WRONG about something else in a matter of minutes. 

- I believe in "Jynx" just like I believe in "Hope" and "Faith"

- Every time I think about another guy when I masturbate, It will always force my current relationship to fail. It's is a bad Omen so don't do it. It's not like I'm thinking about like other guys I physically know, maybe its about ryan gossling you sick-o's 

- I would not hesitate to punch someone (maybe even a complete stranger) for doing something wrong.

- What ever is necessary to do, you do it. 

- Motels always look like the AIDS virus owns every single one of them. Who ever dare to actually stay in one is one sick human being. 

- I will never again, give up my happiness for someone else's 



3 comments:

  1. How limited and specific. Goodluck.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I disagree with number one.

    1-Only a shallow scrub takes someone on a date with intentions of getting into their pants.

    2-The girl who falls for it doesn't know how to be treated with respect.

    Though I disagree, I have to say your blog is very enjoyable. Keep up the good work EmilyisaSecret

    ReplyDelete