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Monday, June 13, 2011

I'm awesome.

- I believe the new "Of mice & Men" Album called "The flood" is amazing. 

- Also sending nudes to your boy toy is hot, sending them to a social networking site isn't. Nobody wants to know how many dicks your trying to shove in your vagina.

 - According to a 6 year old "Hideous" means "Blood thirsty" This is why I love kids.

- I spend a good deal of my time forcing myself to try things I wouldn't normally try. About 89% of the time i regret it, but I feel better about myself that i at least tried.

- It is important to come to your work facility ONLY thinking about your job. Distractions cause mishaps and those suck.

- Never see a movie opening night unless its a really awesome re-make like starwars, you will see things you never thought you would see at a movie theater and its totally worth the wait.

- Make a list of all the music you want to see live before you die. Make it happen.

- I am obsessed with plus size models. I am not a lesbian or anything, I just find them sexy, more specifically Denise Bidot.

Does anyone else feel this way? If you are a male, let me know!

- I still would like to visit Disney world. I don't care how old I am.

- If you have a business deal, it is important to always remain professional at all times. Don't be afraid to be yourself, but be a professional self.

- Never say "I'm going on a diet" everyone hears "Give me diet advice". I don't need your advice, I was just stating a fact. If i am asking for advice, then you can give it to me.

- Don't just give your awesome services to free, you are selling yourself short. Reward those that deserve it.

- Do you love emilyisasecret? Promote me by posting my website on your status feed. Help me help you!

- There is a big controversy over whether men should shave their genitals or not. Its true, its hard to decide but why not at least be in the middle? Trim (very close) yourself. I would rather at least be in the middle then on either side. At least we will know you care enough about us to make en effort. and personally I don't care what anyone says someone who has 2 inches or longer pubic hair is disgusting.

- How come when a black person impersonates a white guy they always have to say "Duuude" and by the same token, Why do white people have to say "Dog" when mocking a black guy?

- Don't let the fact that you haven't shaven deny you of a good sexual experience.

- I am not a fan of being insulted yet people still seem to think I am.

- If someone gives you a discount, appreciate it. There is nothing more I hate then someone who doesn't appreciate a discount.

- You must not get excited over anything.. at least act like you do so I can think what I say is interesting.

- 3 pomegranate margaritas  = one very drunk emily.

- Threatening to kill yourself just for self pity is the worst thing someone could do.

- Maybe you should learn from your mistakes that way you won't look like a douche when it never happens again.

- Karma is a bitch, believe that.

So relevant.... 

- This is exactly how I feel when I do something right.


  1. Ok, so first off I'm a dude and I LOVE "plus size" women. Beauty is beauty and quite frankly sinny ass bitches tend to annoy the fuck out of me. Plus, I tend to like a litte cushion, if you know what I mean! ;) I totally agree with you as far as length of shaved-ness goes. "Nothing there" on women is a little "I'm a pedophile" as far as I'm concerned. Landing strip works just fine for me thank you. If you like pom margaritas you should try a half blueberry/half vodka mix with a splash of pom... awesome. And, the kid in the video at the end should be the fuckng president. He's got my vote. Why can't more shithead assholes just shut the fuck up and realize what this kid has learned in his limited time on a bike?!

  2. ahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! i love this post. it's so amazing!!!!!!!!!

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