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Monday, July 4, 2011

New moon on monday.

I am going to go ahead and be honest, I TOTALLY FORGOT TODAY WAS MONDAY.

- I know your a fucking idiot, but could you just not be for one second? 

- If you are in a parking lot, and there is clearly no more spaces available, you can't just make up your own rules about parking. If I am vertically parked, you can't park horizontally behind me and possibly think I can get out. First off, jackass, my car doesn't fly. It also isn't big enough to run your car over.

- Note to self: keep post-its and pens in your car to nicely leave people who poorly park little notes. 

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU!? God am I the only one that thinks this? Who the fuck publicly posts about there recent suicide attempt. WHO!? this guy.

- I can't expect much from this town anymore. Not when fat people wear cookie monster shirts, guys with poorly done tattoos think we automatically have something in common, and more then half the people that live here think smoking pot is not actually a drug. 

- It's a nice day for a white wedding? NO IT AIN'T BITCH NOT WHEN YOU ARE 500 LBS! Your tits are about to pop out of that tube top dress, GTFO. 

- A friend asked her boyfriend "what is wrong with you, what do you consider funny? are there any comedians you like??" his response was "family guy"

- Listen, the thread count does make a fucking difference. SO JUST FORK THE MONEY OUT TO BUY THEM. It will make your saggy ass bed a tiny bit more comfortable. 

- It takes a real man to pick up explosive diarrhea from a 16 year old yorkie. Just sayin. 

- Don't expect me to fucking contact you when you have canceled plans like a million times.

- Listen up children. TEXT MESSAGING IS NOT THE ONLY FORM OF COMMUNICATION. You have a cell phone, use it for talking too. 

- I don't know how much more clearer I could get then to tell you that our appointment is at 2pm. Do you need more clarification? Want me to over-night you a letter? fax? pigeon? I SAID 2PM! THAT MEANS OUR APPOINTMENT IS AT 2PM. 

-  "I don't know its like my dick has a mind of its own...."

- Beetlejuice is one of the greatest movies ever made.

- I have a lot of friends, the ones closest to me I don't consider my friend but more of family. I feel more then blessed to have the small handful I have, and even more grateful to know I have friends. So you can imagine what goes through my mind when someone posts a status update on facebook that says "Its funny how the more people that I have come in my life, the more lonely I feel" I can't even comprehend this statement. I can't comprehend it because I can't count how many times I have driven past a homeless person, and not once have I ever seen them write "Lonely, just need friends." That statement is an oxymoron. It's not even possible. uGH!!! JUST UGH!!! 

- I'm so close to writing facebook head quarters about my idea for people who are in and out of relationships more then 3 times a year. It bans them from changing their relationship status until they have been dating their boyfriend/girlfriend for more then a year.  I CAN'T TAKE YOU SERIOUSLY ANYMORE. Just don't even bother changing your relationship status until its REALLY LEGIT. In your case, since you can't tell the difference, just wait till you both have been dating for a year. PLEASE. 


  1. Please learn the difference between then, and than.

  2. This comment has been removed by the author.

  3. so you posted something that made you sound idiotic, and thought "or else what?!" was far more clever. Yet you are sadly mistaken. You should learn your grammar before you correct everyone else's, like you so often do on facebook to make yourself seem so smart.

  4. First off, I am smart, so I don't have to make myself "Seem" smart. Second, if you don't have a sense of humor, then you can take your "stiff as a board" personality elsewhere. I am clever, don't kid yourself.

    thanks for taking the time to correct me, it is greatly appreciated.

  5. Which is worse? Being rude and mean, or using grammar incorrectly?

    Of all the things you could have chosen to say, you chose, "Please learn the difference between then, and than."

    OK... you enjoy proper grammar. You are aloud to be that way. But wouldn't it of taken the exact same amount of time to say something like... "Hey just to let you know, you used "then" wrong in your blog. This website, grammartips.homestead.com/than.html tells one how to properly use then apposed to than. :)"

    That way your not you're not adding to the shit in this world by being a jerk and you get to enjoy spreading the word about proper grammar. :)

  6. Hey just found your blog. I love the movie Beetlejuice! :)

  7. "You are aloud to be that way. But wouldn't it of taken the exact same amount of time to say something like... "

    You used the wrong "aloud." It's allowed. Next time you call for reinforcements make sure they are a reliable source.

    Owned twice.

  8. Damn Em, Someone's jealous of you!

  9. @Brooke, thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment!

    @megan, are you surprised? lmao!

  10. Jealous of bad grammar? Highly.

  11. Mad at your bad grammar? Yes.

  12. http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/archive/7/73/20110128203738!Trollface.png

  13. http://movie.masjo.com/images/schoolhouse-rock-grammar-classroom-edition.jpg

    Maybe going back to elementary school would be ideal for you. Owned for a third time.

  14. http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/archive/7/73/20110128203738!Trollface.png