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Monday, October 10, 2011

- Anyone else have the shittiest week last week? It was like having a re-occurring Monday for a whole 7 days. What gives?

- Someone told me once my fear of clowns was "typical" 

"Everyone says they are scared of clowns" like I'm trying to follow some sort of trend. MOTHER FUCKER PEOPLE ARE SCARED OF CLOWNS BECAUSE THEY ARE SCARY! what the fuck! if I could not be afraid of them, I wouldn't. Its not like I choose what I am afraid of. If something is scary, then I will be scared of it.

- Being an empathetic person means you can automatically feel for someone when they are upset. I think it is an important quality to have.

- I have learned that when something goes wrong. No matter how tiny it may seem, you should always prepare for a line of bullshit to follow. If it doesn't at least you were ready, and if it does... at least you are ready.

- There are times you will meet a certain person that no matter if you both get to the same exact answer. If you DO NOT do it the way THEY reached this answer, your answer is automatically wrong. I don't know why these people exist.

- It is important to tell people on a regular basis how much they mean to you and why they mean so much to you. Friends, family and loved ones.

- Sometimes the right expression is "I love you"

- Mustache kisses tickle and are awesome.

- Try to remember everything. Not just the good things. Not just the bad things. But everything as a whole.

- I'd much rather die abruptly then slowly.

- If getting drunk at a public park on a Thursday is your idea of a good time then you officially don't deserve to live anymore. Die.

- If a dog is barking at you, the correct thing to do is ignore it and walk away. Not creepily sneak up on it. That's how people get bit in the face.

- I take way too much shit for granted. I wish I didn't

- I think as a citizen, I work too fucking hard for this country to shit on me.

- In the morning... specifically on Monday morning... I don't need to hear about your weekend unless I ask.

- I can't stand people that always try to 1-up you in conversation. No... You aren't having a shittier week, I am.. that's why I'M TALKING not you. Why the hell do people do that? like I'm already feeling shitty, now I'm supposed to feel sorry too? fuck you asshole.

- I do think they should legalize marijuana I don't smoke. I never have and probably never will but what fucking difference is it from cigarettes and alcohol?

- I think some people talk just because they enjoy the sound of their voice. These people will start a conversation with you when you never said a word to begin with. This weirds me out because they have to know I could care less about whats going on in their life, cause If i did give a shit, I would ask... But its like they choose to ignore it.

- I don't know how to deal with death. I don't know how to help others cope. I wasn't born with that mechanism. So when I try and make jokes when its actually time to be serious, I'm not trying to be rude.. I'm just trying not to be sad. When it comes down to it. The day anyone I am close with has to leave this realm, you will not see me for days. Don't take it personal.

- I cry, like clock work, once a month for something really girly and stupid and I hate to admit that. However, I do think crying every so often is good, and if you don't do it.. there is something wrong with you.

- That saying "there is no I in TEAM" is kind of redundant because normally when someone says that its usually about a bunch of lazy people, and the one person doing there job isn't getting recognition. So in reality, the word team, in that sentence.. can go fuck itself. I am this fucking team. Team Emily.

- You know you are working in a slave position when you have motivational posters somewhere in the building. Like a poster is gonna remind me I gotta shine. "Oh that's right poster... thanks for reminding me... time to shine" BITCH PLEASE!

- I have a friend. Her job is to tour the U.S and she DOESN'T take pictures. I want to punch her. On another note, I just bought this sucker yesterday...

- I feel very sorry for people who work drive through. You have to deal with shit all day. Mondays are exceptionally worse for these people. I dedicate this post to you.

- I have a notion and its backed up by relevant facts from people I live through vicariously. This notion is that hot dudes cannot fuck. They get fucked. When they fuck (I mean they are the ones making the moves), they last no more then a few seconds. In these few seconds, they are happy with their glorious act. Truth is, when you are working it, its a lot easier for a person to orgasm because its their turn to get what they want. Think about it, is it more fun to drive yourself, or for someone to drive you? If you said "for someone to drive me" you are a lazy ass and will still orgasm in 23 seconds. This also feeds the notion I have about whether or not having a large cock means ANYTHING. It doesn't... but you will have a bit of a disadvantage if you have a small cock, and don't know how to pleasure a woman. Then you just look pathetic and we will regret it, BUT you will look even MORE pathetic with a huge cock.. and we STILL see that orgasm face WAY too soon. Get your shit together fellas...

- The statement above does not mean that if you do please a woman.. you aren't hot, so don't think about this too hard. It's easy. Don't follow what you see in porn. Look into a girls eyes and don't say anything too creepy. When a girl says "yeah.. i like that" don't switch it up just yet... If she likes it, your doing a good job, why do you have to change it up asshole!? Don't EVER orgasm before a girl. Mistakes happen but AVOID this one. Be a fucking gentleman... Ladies first...

- You tell a girl shes beautiful/hot/awesome in bed she will fuck your brains out. We try to cover our inner freak because of our insecurities.. When we finally feel comfortable that's when sex gets crazy good.

- If we break up then that's it, its over.. you lost your chance so stop trying to get me back. You shouldeve made up your mind when we dated. What do I look like? a charity case? I'm an adult.

- You can't spend your whole life jacking off.

- I hate when people say "I've been trying to fuck you since forever" NO you haven't. What have you been trying to fuck me with? thin air? Magic? well I have news for you.. your "trying" skills fucking suck...

- Someone asked me "Who's Steve Jobs" this is when I lost all faith in mankind" 

- Men say "woman are terrible drivers." I say "men are terrible lovers" 

- I love looking at people in my rearview mirror and wondering what they are thinking. 

This movie was kind of dumb but this opening scene is totally relevant 

1 comment:

  1. Harshly spot on! Love your reading your thoughts!