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Monday, October 24, 2011

It can wait...

- I still get really weirded out by nice people. There is this guy at starbucks that insists on giving me free coffee and always tells me "good morning! how are you?" but not in a way where he is trying to pick me up or anything, just generally being nice and my first instinct is to drive away as fast as i can just because of how weirded out I am by his niceness. That's kind of sad when you think about it.

- I should learn that all the days that I don't take the time to put an outfit together and put at least mascara on are the days a hot guy will be put in my day. Which is so unfair God. Why do you do that to me?

- Penetration sex is the best sex, any other non-penetrating sex are for posers.

- Someone literally asked me "wheres your compassion" really? I don't know... how about I don't have compassion for idiots? compassion is lacking for you sir, because you are a fucking dumbass.

- If for what ever reason you get a text message from a friend that states they are hurt for what ever reason whether it be emotional or physical and you ignore it. We are no longer friends. Your friendship card has been revoked and you can go to hell.

- It is important for someone to know their self worth. In other words, you should know what you deserve and what you don't deserve. If someone you care about is treating you any less then you treat them, you are seriously questioning your self worth.

- I think the kindest thing someone can do for someone is something with out a person even having to ask. If I say "I am thirsty" you could, with out asking, get up and get me a glass of water.

<3 love

- If you have at least one person in your life that is there for you at anytime of the day you should consider yourself blessed and stop bitching about how your "friends" are never there for you.

- Life must be really boring for you if you spend the majority of your time watching other people with binoculars.

- I assume that every guy with a sports car costing more then 30,000 dollars is an asshole. I also assume that every woman with any luxury car is a stuck up bitch. Does this mean its true? Yes. Why? is there a point to owning a luxury car at all? If you willingly buy a car that does the same thing a less expensive, more economic car does, that already makes you an asshole in my book.

- I want to know why porn is so God damned raunchy. Its almost scary to think that dudes get off on a girl being punched in her vagina. What is hot about that? You know that study they did on people who abused animals are more likely to become murders or some sort of criminal? I'm sure if they did a study on dudes who watched this shit they would come to the same result. Seriously... I want to know why you watch it... there has to be something mentally wrong with someone to actually enjoy that. I almost instantly get turned off by something that doesn't seem natural to me... like anal sex.

- Speaking of anal sex I am convinced it was created by either gay men or rapists. Gay men for obvious reasons and rapists because there isn't enough time to pick a hole.

- I realize that rape is a tough subject but you aren't going to get very far with a soft shell so build a bridge and get over it.

- Soft shell tacos are for pussies.

I applaud the person who made this costume 

- Who changes there child's diaper in the middle of an office? go in a bathroom and change it. Go in your car and change it. Don't do it in a room where everyone else has to smell it. Jesus.. where were these people raised? in a fucking barn?!

- It is very hard to insult an idiot. As a matter of fact, I am not completely positive on this but I think the only way you can insult an idiot is by thinking like an idiot and then saying what comes to mind.

- I like to think of more clever ways of telling people I currently have my period. "There is a war going on in my uterus" "I have tiny serrated fish swimming in my uterus" "If I buried something in the pet cemetery, it came back to life in my vagina"

- Any guy that can completely put aside the fact a girl is bleeding from her vagina and still wants to fuck her is instantly upgraded to a "man" status. Guys get all squeamish about that shit but you know damn well if it came down to it, it wouldn't stop you. Quit lying to yourselves

- I always found this to be a encouraging and should definitely be put up as a motivational poster somewhere in every office to add a little humor. "Out of thousands of sperm, you were the strongest" I mean... yeah... I'm a survivor. I was born that way.

- How weird is it though, that we came from a tiny microscopic sperm? I'm a fucking giant.

- How even more weird to think that when you jack off you are killing thousand of potential important people..

- Steve jobs came from a sperm.

- Someone says to me "I am never having sex again"

YOU CRAZY!? sex doesn't define a relationship. It wont make or break your relationship so stop making it out like its the sole reason why relationships work or don't work.

- I think if you can make someone laugh then you are alright in my book.

- When I was a kid I had a friend who was convinced that the fairy god mother from the wizard of oz was her actual god mother. I also believed that all the Disney characters at Disney were the real. I think this is kind of wrong having kids believe in a false hope. Why cant we just be real with our children. Also, what is the actual point of Santa clause? Why cant we just say we are celebrating the birth of Jesus or celebrating the gift of family? instead we tell children that a fat dude comes through our chimney. What is this? a fucking joke? and we don't even have fucking chimneys in Florida think how much of a mind fuck that was for me. I didn't even need a nasty snark to tell me Santa wasn't real. I put 2 and 2 together... Why can't Christmas be the day we give gifts to people we love and why cant we just tell our kids that? My mom used to tell me "we do it cause its fun to believe in something" but don't make me believe in something that most definitely isn't real. You are setting your kids up for disaster. No wonder I question everything. My parents couldn't tell me the truth what makes you think I am gonna believe you?! Its like all the parents got together and said "lets think of all the imaginary characters we can create to tell our kids a BIG FAT FUCKING LIE" and not only that but lets make all the characters so far fetch that only a child would actually believe that.. really? a fucking GIANT bunny hides eggs?


- With that being said I still had a really amazing childhood due to my crazy imagination and my best friend who lived across the street.

- When I was a kid I loved when people acted super interested in what I did. Before any of my friends started having kids I remembered that I always wanted to be that girl that kids wanted to hang out with, that dream actually happened.. kids love me.

- I love seeing movies in the theater with my dad because when my dad gets so excited in an action film he cannot contain himself and will blurt out something. For example we saw avatar when it first came out, and I think the last movie my dad and i saw in the theater together was starwars episode 1 so its been a while. Towards the ending scene when all the avatars are fighting back, my dad involuntarily blurted "YEAH! GET SOME!" like he was watching some football game. It made me and my brother giggle. The point of me telling you this is you should clearly get to know my dad.

- Today I witnessed someone honk their horn a total of 25 times to someone that wasn't going fast enough for them on a 4 lane expressway. I now understand why people get shot due to road rage. 

- I wanna know why its so easy for me to forgive someone for not hearing me correctly yet when I don't hear someone correctly I am automatically made fun of.

- Not because I'm morbid or anything, but I think it would be a cool thing to leave a note somewhere someone will find it talking about everyone in your life. 

I have a huge photo shoot at the end of this week. Its all I think about. 

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