I am a firm believer in the fact that you cannot appreciate the great things in life till you have witnessed the shitty things. It still doesn't change the fact that the moment of sadness still sucks.
I don't believe in second chances, okay I lie.. I do.. but not third or fourth. Maybe my brain works differently, I just assume that everyone does this but I'm starting to think I am just an anomaly.
I'm going to give you some golden advice that you should seriously consider to help avoid possible heart break. I still think you should do what your heart tells you to do because eventually you will re-read this and have that "She was right... shes always fucking right" moment, and decide it just just better to follow the rules then think you know whats better for yourself.
It is so important. Anyone who tells you "you just like people for their looks" in a condescending way are bunch of assholes. Yes, I like people for their looks at first because I can't like someone I am not attracted to. It is an important factor in a relationship because if for what ever reason you aren't physically attracted, you are missing a fundamental part, and are setting yourself up for failure. Involuntarily, by natural selection our body's tend to choose people we see fit to be good mates physically. We are already set in a tribe (family) and that tribe has built you to enjoy a certain "type" of person. Eskimos choose woman based on girth because they are likely to keep warm during winter.. In America it is a little different because the gene pool is so wide with variety there are bits and pieces in everyone.
I really shouldn't explain why this is important but because I have so many people I am not attracted too, asking me why can't I just take a chance on someone I don't have feelings for.. I'm gonna explain.... Its as simple as IF I'M NOT ATTRACTED TO YOU, THEN I DON'T WANT TO BE WITH YOU.. fucking duh right? the other thing people ask is "well, you cant just be focused on looks" really? the whole point of focusing is using your eyeballs and what ever is ascetically pleasing to the eye is whats going to catch my attention. so yea.... attraction is super important.
This sounds worse then it really is but for some reason some people skip this entire part which is so confusing to me. This is literally the most important thing for you to do when starting a relationship. Questions. I don't mean to bomb the person with questions but, have a conversation! ... find a common ground and really open your eyes and ears. You can pretty much figure someone out by asking little questions. The important questions to ask are entirely up to you. What ever is most important to know is what you should ask.
personally, my most important questions are:
"what are your views on horror movies?"
My dog's judgement is important to me too. I like to see how dudes interact with my dog.
"Have you ever cheated on a girl before?"
"What happened in your past relationships?"
This part is important because this is where common sense comes into play. This is where logic (should start) starts to work. Based on the evidence you have gathered, is this person a reliable mate? Does this person meet your needs? I know that not everything can be learned about someone during the investigating phase but you can "guesstimate" a persons personality based off of what you have learned about them with the few most important questions you have chosen. Also, intuition here is key. If you feel like something isn't right.. it most likely isn't... get to the bottom of this feeling while your are ahead. We are all private investigators, some are better then others but that doesn't mean you can't be smart about this.
WARNING: if at any point in time the other person does something, even in the slightest that you disagree with, QUESTION THIS RELATIONSHIP SERIOUSLY. for example.. If you like someone, and they have answered one of the important questions wrong.. then this person should NOT be allowed a chance, if you allow it proceed with great caution. If a dude answers "yes I have cheated on a girl" even if his reasoning seems like a good reason (no reason is good unless he was raped) I appreciate the honesty but you leave me little room for trust, and sorry dude but I GOTTA trust you.
Okay if you have gotten this point then you have followed all of these steps correctly. If you didn't follow these steps then mark my words you will be reading this again sometime in your life time. Dating someone is important. By Dating I mean its not totally official but you guys are seeing each other more then twice a week. Sex? maybe? I get people asking me "when is the right time to have sex" and I really honestly don't know the answer to this.. Only because what sex to mean means to me can mean something completely different to someone else. Do I think its possible to fuck on the first date and it actually sustain a good decent relationship afterwards? sure, why not.. It is rare, but it can happen... People do actually win the lottery right?
I think a good time frame is to wait until you are official. Only because sex, in the wrong frame of mind, might complicate things. The dating phase is still to really get a good feel for who you are with. This phase is to really see what this person is capable of. The "action" phase. Sure someone can SAY they are a romantic person but are they really? This is the time to figure that out.
WARNING: if at any point you find yourself having to be a different person around this person then you should question your situation again. Walking on glass for someone really sucks especially this early in a relationship.
The question I get about this is "how do you know if it is official or if you are still dating?" sometimes people are nice enough to actually ask you "so will you be my girlfriend?" but since we aren't in high school anymore this can be a little more difficult. Personally, I think its cute for a dude to actually ask but some people are different. Also, I think a while back I did a post on chivalry.. It is the guys job to make it official. Don't get all sexiest on me.. be a fucking man and claim your woman.
I hear guys say all the time "Woman want rights so they have to do man things" sure if we want something bad enough we will fight for it but when it comes to being a man, there are things you have to do. This however is a list of things I'll post for another day.
Yes, fellas you have to be the man and let a girl know you want her. There is only so much woman can do with out looking desperate and crazy. BTW its official? WOOHOO SEX TIME!
WARNING: If at any point in time you find yourself more unhappy then happy GET THE FUCK OUT. Don't wait till the last moment to leave if you are unhappy and don't give me that "i dont want to hurt them" bullshit.. feelings are easy to get over.. it hurts for a few days and then we are back to normal.
After you have had some (some being over 2 years) experience being a couple together the next step shouldn't be marriage. I think moving in with someone first before you pop the question is important. I get that this goes against a lot of religions, but I will tell you why I prefer it this way... You think you know your significant other? Not until you move in with them do you get a whole other perspective on the type of person they are. Living with someone will help you understand whether or not you can put up with this person for another 40 years... sure you can put up with them while you are officially a couple because at the end of the day, you get to go to your House, take a shower in your shower using your products and sleep in your bed. After a fight you can tell them to go fuck themselves and leave and have a place to be...
not when you live together... You are stuck. You have to face your problems one on one and learn to fix them when they happen. This actually creates a deeper bond between two people.
Before you even think about asking yet I think its time to lay out some ground rules that need to be known before you make this life long commitment. Rules like "no cheating allowed" you would think that this is an unspoken agreement but a lot of people use the line "Well you never said I couldn't.. so I just assumed...."
there will be no assuming up in this bitch..
I think, even though you think you know this person like the back of your hand, you should still take the time to lay some ground rules down...
If you have gotten to this point, You won...
You have won the game...