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Monday, November 14, 2011

I need a respirator!

Some sex noise for your earholes...

- I want to know why people decide to designate Mondays to start new beginnings. Monday is the shittiest day of the week. Just because its the beginning doesn't mean its the best way to start something. that's like saying the best time for a blow job is in the morning. I mean sure its a good idea but isn't every time a good time for a blow job?

- Its probably not a good idea to sleep with someone you actually like on the first date.

- Its very important to let yourself settle after each relationship, stirring things up constantly can cause problems later on down the road.

- Stop rushing damnit.. This isn't a race, you want something good then you have to be patient.

- I have a hard time feeling sorry for myself only because I know people in worse situations. but sometimes I just want to feel pathetic and lonely and soak in my own sadness. It never happens though.

- Just because someone has all the qualities you look for in a person doesn't make them perfect. A person can answer all the questions correctly but can they really play the part? Time will only tell.

- You can't just always be assuming. If a dude/girl says "open sesame" then you can't just let him in. You can't let yourself be that easy. People secretly like broken, complicated people (to an extent). They will never admit that but its true.

- Someone told me last night "I'm just tired of making the effort all the time" but you can't afford to be lazy. You will ALWAYS have to make an effort with anything. The difference is, if you are the only one putting in effort then you can give that shit the middle finger and move on.

- Stop trying to deny your feelings for someone. You and I both know you are completely infatuated with that chick... You don't have to make it anymore obvious by showing me texts. pictures and stuff... I love you bro but get on that shit, for real.

- I recently started doing yoga and I gotta say.. its pretty cool.

- I saw a dude buy a carton of cigarettes, beer and condoms... I thought dudes were a bit more conspicuous when buying that shit... I guess not.. Party hard dude... literally.

- By the same token, I wonder if dude purposely have a box of magnums laying around waiting for their crush to find them. EVEN THOUGH they have an average size cock.

- Also... is there a condom for little dicks? I kind of want to know but I feel like this is something I should continue to be naive about only because I always notice the black and gold box, and YOU KNOW what that shit is for... but... I don't want to notice the little dick box...

- Look people, I'm smart... but I'm not a fuckin mind reader. I try hard to be ahead of the game but if there is something you need me to do, you can't expect me to know with out you telling me what you want from me and then look at me like I'm a fucking idiot because you didn't inform me on this elaborate plan...

- If you are working with kids, specifically photographing them, it is important to have a muse/compromise. These can be simple things such as bubbles or a ball. Compromise that they can blow bubbles or throw a ball each time you get a picture of them being cute.

- Every morning, mostly on Monday mornings, I will ask myself "Why am I still in Miami again?" I haven't been able to answer it still..

- I work well with rules because rules are like guidelines and those are easy to follow because they are fucking guidelines. I don't work well when there are rules that always seem to not have a set guideline.. "This works this way because of this reason and that is the end". You cant say "this works for this reason sometimes depending on the time of day and maybe on the temp only then will there be a real answer" Im going to look at you like you are fucking stupid.

- Simplicity is so much easier for anyone.

- You want people to be their own individuals yet you hate on people for certain insignificant reasons..

- My brother says that a man is defined by whether or not he has normal pictures of himself on facebook and if he can drive a stick shift. Normal pictures being that he doesn't have angels or isn't trying too hard and stick shift meaning you actually have to use a clutch pedal. None of that steering wheel shifter bullshit or triptronic shit.

- Sometimes I have to step on my toes when I feel like I'm being annoying to someone. I'm an affectionate person, and I'll admit it.. I like the attention (don't act like you don't you lying piece of crap) but sometimes it can be a little suffocating and I would hate to feel like I am suffocating someone. I think girls are mostly to blame for this. take a fucking chill pill dude, breath...

- Just so you know "so.. are you going to make the first move?" is not something a shy person asks.

- I think everyone knows when someone is bullshiting them. First of all, if someone does something and then completely goes against it later on that's a red flag for bullshit. One of these things are not like the other... Some people are very obvious bullshitters and I still am amazed that these people still get their way with shit.

- Just because someone is attractive doesn't mean you must mold yourself for them to like you. Its amazing the shit that gets done just because someone has good looks, its almost scary.

- First of all.. let me make this clear.. I am nobodies fucking assistant. Assistant is a professional word for bitch.. and I am nobodies bitch. I would never call someone my assistant. Assistant should be used as an insult and insult only. If your profession is someones assistant, unless you are getting paid well (i mean really well) then I suggest you get your career going and get the fuck out.

- You should make it clear to someone what your intentions are and what you want from the start if not you will come off as an asshole/phsyco for not directing this situation in the right direction.

- If you break up with someone, give at least one reason that isn't making the entire situation out to be entirely your fault. we aren't stupid.. we know it takes two people to make this right and something happened along the way to make you think twice. Let a nigga know.. seriously.

- There are many insults for the female race. Bitch is one that a lot of people like to use but personally I think the word "Cunt" is WAY more derogatory and hurtful. Its also more creative since everyone uses the word bitch.

- Did I rehearse Britney spears dance moves till I passed out in my room from exhaustion? Do you really have to eat to survive?

- I just have to say something... That blonde bitch in the series the walking dead needs to die already.. like she shouldeve died like in the 3rd episode.. I am so over her fucking character. What the entire fuck walking dead? you had a blonde moment last night.. not fucking cool.. Please get her rid her of the fucking show and put her out of her own trigger happy misery. fucking cunt.

- I am still very unsure of MTV's purpose

- When I am at work, and my name is called I like to turn around slowly with the most ugly face possible... I probably look stupid as hell but it makes me laugh.. yeah... I laugh at myself.. My boss says I'm never gonna get a decent dude making the faces like that but its not like I'm trying to impress dogs and cats...

- If you have deactivated your facebook more than 2 times ever... you can go ahead and never re-activate it again.. you are defeating the purpose of the Internet.. and you wont be missed... believe me.

- I had an old couple come in the office today. In there mid 80's, the husband was laughing holding his wife's hand, I over heard about how they went dancing the night before. She was calm and collected but he was giddy and excited. I almost made my heart sink right into the bottom of my stomach. I asked the old man "where is it you go dancing?" and apparently they go swing dancing on the weekends to some club near by. His words were "I'm a better dancer then most of the fellas on the floor, right sweetie?" she nodded. I had to walk to the bathroom, i couldn't handle the sweetness.

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