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Monday, December 26, 2011

So adorable.

- I fall into the shitty friend column every now and then.

- Shitty waitressing service fucking sucks but you know what sucks more? unknown substances in your food. So suck it up and deal with it.

- If you are a waiter or waitress I suggest taking every ones order first, and getting their drinks out first. I would much rather wait longer for food then wait an hour for food and drinks all to come out at once.

- I don't give a fuck what you think but chili's 2 for 1 frozen margaritas are the fucking shit. 

- Why does milk taste so much better when its from a carton? 

- "I would much rather be a fatter version of myself then an ugly woman that's been in porn too long because I can lose weight for cheaper price then getting surgery to be pretty.. and surgery isn't always guaranteed"

- Was blink-182 in some part of my teenage memories? Yes but I kind of wish they weren't. 

- Weezer was always better. 

I realize this is a "Bring me the horizon" Gif

- Having a good mattress is important. If you are having a difficult time sleeping, its probably a good time to get a new mattress.

- Everyone eats sandwiches differently but I suggest not eating one like your a fucking 10 month old baby in public. 

- You gotta love the skin your in because you can't change skin. 

- Don't keep friends around that clearly aren't benefiting you. That sounds completely selfish, but I mean it as in a way that if you have a friend that isn't doing shit with their life, and will probably NEVER do shit with their life, and has never done a single "friend" thing for you then you can go ahead an click the "unfriend" button. 

- A friend would not leave you high as fuck in their drive way unable to drive to go and hang out with some other dude at a bar... just saying. 

- A friend would never not hang out with you unless you gave them a blow job... just saying.

- If you find yourself wanting to hang out with your cat more than this friend, then the friendship can be spared. 

- Girls often ignore dudes they don't like because we don't want to hear a guy we already don't like try and pressure us into still liking them. In other words we don;t want to hear "we should still hang out, I promise I wont make you feel uncomfortable"

- Having a good hairstylist is so important. ESPECIALLY here in Miami, I recommend Valerie Paquet at peter of London if you are in the Miami area. SHES FUCKING AWESOME.

- I don't mind a dirty room, I DO mind a dirty bathroom. Because we already do... dirty things in there, and WE ALL KNOW the bacteria that lay dormant there... Bleach that mother fucker daily.

- I always ask for a dildo/vibrator for Christmas but I'm starting to think my friends aren't taking me seriously.
- I mutter "two can play at that game" a lot but that always back fires on me.

- Question... Who buys Paris Hilton/Justin beiber perfume? NONE THE LESS an imitation of either of those... to give as a gift? WHO? WHO EVER DOES SHOULD BE SHOT AND DRAGGED TO HELL BY A HORSE.

- That's how gay Justin beiber is... He has a perfume.... fagotory.

- If you are gay and don't like my use of words you can hop off it.

- If the height of your issues is due to the fact you have not had any matches on match.com... then you need to get out more.

- These are good starter questions.

- By the way.. seriously get out and be carefree once a week at least. Yell, laugh and loot.

- Ex girlfriends are off limits to you. Seriously, get the fuck away from them, they are trouble makers. 

- Don't hold grudges or they will hold on to you.. and that shit is NOT fun.

- "I like you because you are in touch with your sexuality"

- Inspired flights new album has been my sound track for today.

- How about you don't tell someone "I like you because you have tattoos" 

- Hey dude would you like some sun? CUZ YOU SHADY AS FUH. 

- You can't tell someone to get up and do something with their life when they know that's what they do because that shit doesn't happen over night. Picking yourself up from the floor requires hard work.

- Late people really suck, which sucks even more when you are carpooling and the person driving is the sole reason you are late and they make everyone else look like an asshole because they had to blow dry their hair... Moral of the story... drive your own car
- Saying my movie taste is bad is the equivalent to calling me fat. I realize I don't like the greatest movies but they make me happy.. and if you like me... you should like them too.. and if you don't I wont be mad if you "act" like you do... 

 "A tiger mother lost her cubs from premature labour. Shortly after she became depressed and her health declined, and she was diagnosed with depression. So they wrapped up piglets in tiger cloth, and gave them to the tiger. The tiger now loves these pigs and treats them like her babies."

- Sex time is the most dangerous time before bed, and in the morning. 
- You are worth something. Just remember that.

- If you died, would you come back to haunt people? or would you start all over? 

- Dudes have it built in their cocks to have sex with out any feeling what so ever. Its a little bit more difficult for woman.

- If a dude orgasms too quickly is it because you sucked... or because you were awesome? 

- If you like someone, and they like you too.. Is it safe to say you should not be listed as "looking for serious relationships" on dating websites?  Seriously... I want to know.

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