we'll get through this...

- I spend a good deal of my sunday night asking myself "what would I need in order for my Monday to be perfect?" These are the answers I've come up with

 *Morning sex

*Full tank of gas

*Free coffee

*Clean house when I get home

- Facebook is not the place to voice revenge.. If you have something personal going on don't put it on blast on Facebook. You look like a dumbass.

- I refuse to feel sorry for people who are always looking for people to feel sorry for them.

- If you cant explain your actions then you deserve what they come off as being.

- Your statements/advice will be ignored if you and I both know you have no idea what you are talking about... your argument is invalid.

- If you know you will regret it later then don't do it.

- Don't fuck just to get fucked.

- If you find yourself having more drama in a relationship then having an actual relationship you should seriously question your relationship...

- What the fuck do spanish people see in Marc Anthony? seriously...

- If you are broken up, on a break, or you have a "Idontknowwhatthisis" relationship status... YOU/THEY ARE FAIR GAME.. Understand this please... Don't get pissed when other people are talking to your prey... You haven't shot that bitch yet... Man up.

- Don't be a fucking poser and go to prom.. MAKE YOUR OWN DAMN PROM...

- I will not be attending my high school reunion.. because I am making my own reunion with the people I actually care about seeing again.

- I always get disappointed when I see an old car and there is usually an old dude driving it..

- Anyone else have friend requests from family members they keep ignoring because you know they are going to question every good time you are having? I love you, but you have to stay family.

- If I have a day off... it will be a lazy day.. Don't fuck it up for me...

- What the fuck October? You were here and then you were gone... what gives ?! your like my favorite movie holiday! I can not get enough of you... PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME!!!

- There is a fine balance in the morning when listening to coldplay, drinking coffee the way you like it, and the air is cool enough to let the windows down.

- I think Halloween is the most creative decorating holiday. I also love how creative my friends got with their costumes, they get better and better every year.

- There will be people that come into your life that for what ever reason cannot stand to see you happy. If you make a joke, even though everyone else is laughing, they will still look at you like a moron. Do not get discouraged, this person is just a giant walking asshole and that is his personal problem. As a matter of fact these people are usually just jealous because you are awesome.

- Never rely on people. Just don't. Even when someone says "you can count on me" tell them "no thanks... I count on myself"

- You are never second best. NEVER EVER. So don't let anyone make you feel that way. If they do, then they themselves are second best, and no body likes second hand anything.. so neither should you.

- I love kids, eventually I want some of my own but I am so... so terrified of the sleepless nights. I mean I am a good person, but I am convinced its because I get a great amount of sleep. When I haven't had any sleep, I am something else entirely. That scares me.

- I didn't know Christmas started on the 31st of October. All I see are Christmas commercials and we aren't even done with Halloween yet. I should be happy about this but I like to take my holidays one month at a time. Next up is thanksgiving... Not Christmas..

- If it is up to me, I would like to celebrate every religious holiday. Do I have to be actively practicing a religion in order to enjoy its holidays?

- "Are you Jewish?" "No I just like lighting candles"

- I think, with the exception of today's music industry (for obvious reasons), in order for you to become someone of importance, it is important for you to be different and think out of the box.

- You must make mistakes to know when to do the right thing.

- You cannot change people, you can only offer advice.. If they still ignore you... fuck those people.

- The word abuse doesn't just mean to physically cause harm to someone. You can abuse someone in many ways like taking advantage of someones niceness.

- If you have a failed marriage, or you have a shit marriage currently, you have no room to offer words of advice towards a newly wed couple.

- I know I have said this many times before but facebook is NOT the place to talk about your relationship status. Use a journal to vent, not my personal news feed.

- You have an ex stalking you, possibly physically abusing you, the correct action to take is get a restraining order. Not sit and wait for him to shoot you in the leg. I don't have patience for people that continue to allow these things to happen. If you do, I will no longer offer advice.

Awesome E-sesh of the week goes to Julian Sunmi Park and Benjamin Jinsuk Lee

- I think it is so raunchy when a grown ass man walks out in only his boxers to fetch the mail/newspaper and then just stands there for a few minutes like the morning breeze against his balls feels like heaven. Dude, do that in your back yard... This all changes of course if you look anything remotely close to Dallas Green or Kurt Russel from the thing.. In that case... air your balls out dude... by all means...

- Whistling always creeps me out, like that person is up to something super devious...

- Lately I have religiously been watching American horror story, walking dead and new girl. You should too.

- The new year is coming, which means its another year that none of my new years resolutions came true. I am finally learning the best thing for me to do, is not have any new years resolutions so that I am not disappointed next year. Who the fuck cares anyways right? aren't we all dying next year due to the Mayans predictions?

- Congratulations to Edwin Rivero and Adriana Larios...

- Who the fuck thinks this is a correct response to a cop that just pulled another dude off of you that was trying to rape you "No... I do not want to press charges...." I hope he does come back and rape your asshole you stupid idiot..

- When I was a kid someone asked me "Is your glass half full or half empty" my answer was "What are you stupid? those are both the same thing"

- Who likes to shit on a happy moment? I can't stand those types of people. You know those people that say some shit like "Be careful..." or "congratulations but..." I mean who shit in your cereal this morning? keep those comments to yourself.

- I have seen more children that should be put on leashes then pets..

- Don't you hate when you put 100% in a relationship and the other person puts in -5%?

- I have a plethora of slutty Halloween costumes. Enough to clothe a small slutty town.

I wanna know every ones rating system for rating themselves in bed.

First off, How can you even rate yourself?

Secondly, How do you rate yourself?

Thirdly, How'd you get to that number? (assuming we are speaking about a scale from 1-10)

So I've come up with a helpful answering system.

Add a point if you never orgasm before a girl.

Add 2 points if you last longer than 20 minutes

Take away 2 points if you last less than 20 minutes

Take a point off if you like the girl to be in control

Add a point if you just as much touching as you do Humping/thrusting

Take a point away if you orgasm faster during doggy style then any other position.

Add 2 points if you make an effort to always start with foreplay

Take a point off if you are turned on by anal sex.

Take a point off if you are turned on by fisting a girl

Take a point off if you are always trying to shove more fingers in a girl then your supposed to.

Add a point if you have never fisted or stuck more than 3 fingers in a girl.

Give yourself a point if you understand that closeness and deep penetration is important. 

Take a point away if you are usually silent during sex.

Give yourself a point if you understand the meaning of passion.

Give yourself a point if you understand that just because dudes jackhammer girls in porn doesn't mean girls like it IRL

If your answer is "10" take away 3 points. dick

- As a parent you should make it your #1 priority to make sure your child has a unique costume for Halloween. None of that store bought shit, if you allow your child to go out in that crap you deserve a punch in the dick.

- Who says trick or treating has an age limit? That's not fair. Disney doesn't have an age limit and I still love riding "its a small world"

- I think someones Halloween costume can say a lot about someone.

- I hate people that say "I never win anything..." but seriously... I never win anything...

BRB... watching scary movies.. 

Im getting tired of your attitude.

Am I really the only one that sees marriage as a life long happy commitment. Cut the trials and tribulations bullshit if you got that crap going on in your marriage in the beginning then you got married too soon, or you just plain married the wrong person. What do I have to do now put you on some pedestal because you are married? I have more cents at the bottom of my purse then the sense you have in your brain, and trust me... its not alot.

Marriage isn't just another step people that you take because well quite frankly there is nothing else to do and well.. why the fuck not..

No dickholes... its a commitment you make to someone you can spend the rest of your life with. THE REST... OF YOUR FUCKING LIFE.

Am I the only one that gets pissed off at people that blast their marital/relationship problems all over the Internet? Like what the fuck are you doing? is facebook or twitter your consultant for everything? ITS A FUCKING APPLICATION NOT A COUNSELOR.

I had someone ask me today "Why don't you think he will want to marry someone" in reference to a family member.. my answer is "why not" marriage is nothing but a piece of paper, no one binds you together via words what are you fucking stupid? Either you have the love or not and that's what binds you. Not a fucking priest... Not a Rabi... Not a fucking pastor. You want Gods blessing? then pray about it.. don't spend over 10,000 dollars feeding people who careless about you and are probably thinking this is the worst decision you've ever made.

i get pissed when people talk shit about their relationships publicly that's the most childish shit anyone can do and well honestly, if you don't like it then fucking walk. Get the fuck out you fucking dumbass, what are you waiting for? a sign?

Another thing that pisses me off is when people are constantly judging other couples based off of how great theirs is WHEN THEIRS ISN'T THAT GREAT TO BEGIN WITH. I have a friend, who is on and off with his girlfriend.. they are/were? pretty serious... he posts status updates all the time about how hes so lucky... but this chick cheated on him like a million times... "I am better than you because my girlfriend is awesome" Um.... Are you fucking stupid? Your girlfriend used you as a fucking door mat...

THEN

THEN! those people that are the actual cheaters justifying their cheating because the person they cheated on is weirdly enough doing so well with out them.. You know, not begging for them back like any smart person would. "Well yeah, I don't need you! That's why I'm glad we broke up" Yeah? Your glad you fucked someone else while you told this other person how In love you were with them?

MEGA DICK? check.

You aren't fooling anyone with those happy status updates, as a matter of fact when you boast about your relationship on the Internet its almost like you are trying to cover something up. You can fool half of facebook but you can't fool me asshole. I also want to stab you when you talk about how shitty things are for you with out actually posting what the shitty part really is... shit like:

"I can't take any of this heart break"

what heart break? why? who? when? I mean now I'm just curious, I could careless about what you are sad about but I just have to know whats going on. Can't you just stop dickin me around and write a real status update? I mean at least you are being honest.


The other side of this is I could always turn my head... you know... look away... not say anything but MAYBE its because people just don't know any better... and well this is a blog about things you should know....

It can wait...

- I still get really weirded out by nice people. There is this guy at starbucks that insists on giving me free coffee and always tells me "good morning! how are you?" but not in a way where he is trying to pick me up or anything, just generally being nice and my first instinct is to drive away as fast as i can just because of how weirded out I am by his niceness. That's kind of sad when you think about it.

- I should learn that all the days that I don't take the time to put an outfit together and put at least mascara on are the days a hot guy will be put in my day. Which is so unfair God. Why do you do that to me?

- Penetration sex is the best sex, any other non-penetrating sex are for posers.

- Someone literally asked me "wheres your compassion" really? I don't know... how about I don't have compassion for idiots? compassion is lacking for you sir, because you are a fucking dumbass.

- If for what ever reason you get a text message from a friend that states they are hurt for what ever reason whether it be emotional or physical and you ignore it. We are no longer friends. Your friendship card has been revoked and you can go to hell.

- It is important for someone to know their self worth. In other words, you should know what you deserve and what you don't deserve. If someone you care about is treating you any less then you treat them, you are seriously questioning your self worth.

- I think the kindest thing someone can do for someone is something with out a person even having to ask. If I say "I am thirsty" you could, with out asking, get up and get me a glass of water.

<3 love

- If you have at least one person in your life that is there for you at anytime of the day you should consider yourself blessed and stop bitching about how your "friends" are never there for you.

- Life must be really boring for you if you spend the majority of your time watching other people with binoculars.

- I assume that every guy with a sports car costing more then 30,000 dollars is an asshole. I also assume that every woman with any luxury car is a stuck up bitch. Does this mean its true? Yes. Why? is there a point to owning a luxury car at all? If you willingly buy a car that does the same thing a less expensive, more economic car does, that already makes you an asshole in my book.

- I want to know why porn is so God damned raunchy. Its almost scary to think that dudes get off on a girl being punched in her vagina. What is hot about that? You know that study they did on people who abused animals are more likely to become murders or some sort of criminal? I'm sure if they did a study on dudes who watched this shit they would come to the same result. Seriously... I want to know why you watch it... there has to be something mentally wrong with someone to actually enjoy that. I almost instantly get turned off by something that doesn't seem natural to me... like anal sex.

- Speaking of anal sex I am convinced it was created by either gay men or rapists. Gay men for obvious reasons and rapists because there isn't enough time to pick a hole.

- I realize that rape is a tough subject but you aren't going to get very far with a soft shell so build a bridge and get over it.

- Soft shell tacos are for pussies.

I applaud the person who made this costume 

- Who changes there child's diaper in the middle of an office? go in a bathroom and change it. Go in your car and change it. Don't do it in a room where everyone else has to smell it. Jesus.. where were these people raised? in a fucking barn?!

- It is very hard to insult an idiot. As a matter of fact, I am not completely positive on this but I think the only way you can insult an idiot is by thinking like an idiot and then saying what comes to mind.

- I like to think of more clever ways of telling people I currently have my period. "There is a war going on in my uterus" "I have tiny serrated fish swimming in my uterus" "If I buried something in the pet cemetery, it came back to life in my vagina"

- Any guy that can completely put aside the fact a girl is bleeding from her vagina and still wants to fuck her is instantly upgraded to a "man" status. Guys get all squeamish about that shit but you know damn well if it came down to it, it wouldn't stop you. Quit lying to yourselves

- I always found this to be a encouraging and should definitely be put up as a motivational poster somewhere in every office to add a little humor. "Out of thousands of sperm, you were the strongest" I mean... yeah... I'm a survivor. I was born that way.

- How weird is it though, that we came from a tiny microscopic sperm? I'm a fucking giant.

- How even more weird to think that when you jack off you are killing thousand of potential important people..

- Steve jobs came from a sperm.

- Someone says to me "I am never having sex again"

YOU CRAZY!? sex doesn't define a relationship. It wont make or break your relationship so stop making it out like its the sole reason why relationships work or don't work.

- I think if you can make someone laugh then you are alright in my book.

- When I was a kid I had a friend who was convinced that the fairy god mother from the wizard of oz was her actual god mother. I also believed that all the Disney characters at Disney were the real. I think this is kind of wrong having kids believe in a false hope. Why cant we just be real with our children. Also, what is the actual point of Santa clause? Why cant we just say we are celebrating the birth of Jesus or celebrating the gift of family? instead we tell children that a fat dude comes through our chimney. What is this? a fucking joke? and we don't even have fucking chimneys in Florida think how much of a mind fuck that was for me. I didn't even need a nasty snark to tell me Santa wasn't real. I put 2 and 2 together... Why can't Christmas be the day we give gifts to people we love and why cant we just tell our kids that? My mom used to tell me "we do it cause its fun to believe in something" but don't make me believe in something that most definitely isn't real. You are setting your kids up for disaster. No wonder I question everything. My parents couldn't tell me the truth what makes you think I am gonna believe you?! Its like all the parents got together and said "lets think of all the imaginary characters we can create to tell our kids a BIG FAT FUCKING LIE" and not only that but lets make all the characters so far fetch that only a child would actually believe that.. really? a fucking GIANT bunny hides eggs?

GTFO.

- With that being said I still had a really amazing childhood due to my crazy imagination and my best friend who lived across the street.

- When I was a kid I loved when people acted super interested in what I did. Before any of my friends started having kids I remembered that I always wanted to be that girl that kids wanted to hang out with, that dream actually happened.. kids love me.

- I love seeing movies in the theater with my dad because when my dad gets so excited in an action film he cannot contain himself and will blurt out something. For example we saw avatar when it first came out, and I think the last movie my dad and i saw in the theater together was starwars episode 1 so its been a while. Towards the ending scene when all the avatars are fighting back, my dad involuntarily blurted "YEAH! GET SOME!" like he was watching some football game. It made me and my brother giggle. The point of me telling you this is you should clearly get to know my dad.

- Today I witnessed someone honk their horn a total of 25 times to someone that wasn't going fast enough for them on a 4 lane expressway. I now understand why people get shot due to road rage. 

- I wanna know why its so easy for me to forgive someone for not hearing me correctly yet when I don't hear someone correctly I am automatically made fun of.

- Not because I'm morbid or anything, but I think it would be a cool thing to leave a note somewhere someone will find it talking about everyone in your life. 

I have a huge photo shoot at the end of this week. Its all I think about. 

You're not from around here are you?

I shot Adriana in her costume today. She's pretty.