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Monday, January 23, 2012

When life gives you lemons



- If you like the person you are fucking.. you should know that every girl likes to still feel wanted romantically after sex. Pull her towards you, play with her hair, rub her arm.. kiss her forehead. Don't act like a dead log.

- Valentines day Is coming and I bet you are flipping out trying to make dinner reservations...

save yourself the trouble and make dinner at home.. Make a tent in the middle of your living room or where ever the tv is and watch a movie together.

Flowers? sure...

You want to get her a gift.. check out these cute ass things from etsy..



-Don't ask why bitch, ask why not.
-No but seriously, stop asking why shit keeps happening because YOU allow it. 

- You have to enjoy the tiny moments because when you die and your life flashes before your eyes its going to be one short boring movie.. and NO ONE likes those kinds of movies.

- If you act like you have a big penis, subconsciously your penis will grow 8 inches.

- SO perfect morning = Sex, breakfast and collata 



- First, to figure out what a girl likes in bed you MUST observe completely when you go slow or fast. Depending on her reaction, you will get a better idea as to what she really likes. Just because a girl moans when you are jack hammering her DOESN'T mean that's what she prefers. KEY WORD is  "prefer" That means that jack hammering may be nice once in a while.. but not all the time.

- Don't be afraid, Be prepared.

- A woman wants to feel safe and secure emotionally and financially. That is an important quality all SMART woman look for in a mate. If we don't feel safe, then we feel vulnerable and what happens to vulnerable things in the wild?



- Just like every dude wants a woman who is kind and nurturing. 

- I think as a dude, it is important for you not to be afraid of anything or at least act like it. Own up to your balls dude! 

- Its a bad idea to give a dude the time of day that totally ditched you for a dumb reason last week. Fuck that guy.



- I have a very low tolerance for people who beg for advice and then never follow it. I just took the effort to care about you and you shit on my chest. You totally deserve whats coming to you.

- I am all for sexuality and embracing it any way you can. I am NOT for sexual shit that 16 year olds spread on the Internet. YOU HAVEN'T EVEN GROWN INTO YOUR VAGINA BITCH! COVER YOUR TITS! 

- "I was concentrating on fucking you, not breathing... I'm pretty sure that's why I have a head ache right now" 

- You are a dick if you have no idea how to keep in touch with friends.. 

- You ever need to apologize for something always apologize with this expression "I am sorry about *insert mistake here* It WONT happen again" You obviously have to mean it, but that's not the point.. the point is that no one can continue to be angry at someone who says "it will never happen again"


- I love Adelle,
really... but they are really fucking over doing it by playing her music on every single station.

- When you are young, you approach relationships in this order:
Get to know each other, date then fuck.

When you are older you approach relationships like this:
Fuck, get to know each other... then date. 



- I think glasses make you smart... yeah, I said it... they make you smart.

- I hate when people fuck up expressions. Its like nails on chalk board. 

Someone said to me today "I hate to beat a blind horse" 
What the fuck really? that doesn't even make sense! Not that beating a dead horse makes sense either but a blind one?

- Maybe I like shitty shows... Maybe I work all damn day and want to come home and catch up on some vampire diaries...

- I read a health magazine today that stated "Giving heals" it said that "giving what you can, physically and emotionally can heal your emotional wounds" I agree with this. 



- I think its sad that some people cant even rely on their friends for a favor. 

- I have accepted the fact that I was at one point in my life listening (and enjoying) limp bizcut and linkin park. Don't judge me okay? I was also listening to glassjaw, across five aprils and poison the well before all you fucks 



- You gotta understand this, and I mean it in the nicest way possible... NOBODY gives a SHIT about your past. In other words your boss, who knows nothing about your personal life, doesn't care enough to know what type of trials and tribulations bullshit you've been through in the past 

- You ever think of something so fucking vial and rude that you just cant help but laugh because you can't believe you were smart enough to say something like that... 

- I hate when I say something isn't fair, and they reply with "Well, life's not fair" Fuck you bitch... 



- If someone gives you a complement, the right way to react is reply with a come back compliment... even if its a fucking lie.

- I don't understand how people can run away from their problems because I am the type of person that deals with it head on. If you don't deal with your problems this way, they will linger on forever... 




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