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Monday, February 20, 2012

- Every girl wants to be some dudes trophy girlfriend. 

- If you are the type of person to buy apples that are pre-bagged then you make poor choices in life and we can't be friends.

- Bruised fruit is like fruity vomit, its gross.

-  That moment when you catch someone whispering shit about you that you aren't supposed to hear but they look right at you with this fear in their eye like they can't stop now but they know they should. Yeah.. I caught you... dick face.

- Typically I'm not a loud person. I don't think that someone who is a loud person means they have a loud personality. I think it just means you have an annoying one.

- When your parents tell you "You don't know what hard is!"
Yes I do...

- I don't often eat at 5 star restaurants but the other night I did and I realized this. Woman are not about dressing right, they are definitely worried about dressing less.

- When I was a kid, my dream was to be a velociraptor. My excuse was "they are the smart dinosaur" cause they could open doors, and I'm not about the 'big head, little arms' thing. Anyways, my point is I think thats what ultimately shaped my personality from the start. I mean... how many girls do you know that did that as a child. This explains why so many girls are bitches 

- Mondays are bad for me, on sundays I almost always have a nightmare about it. 

- Next time you are at the gynecologist, play reverse psychology. Instead of you answering if you have been sexually active in the last year or so, ask your doctor right after. I mean, that's a personal question to ask, and I'm not about just answer your questions if you wont answer mine.

- The PT cruiser was the worst car invention. Nothing good can come out of someone that owns a PT cruiser.

- I hate when people ignore you when you are clearly not feeling well. Selfish mother fuckers.

- That show "toddlers in tiaras" is the worst show on television. 

- 'NO SOLICITING' means DON'T COME IN MY OFFICE AND SELL YOUR SHIT. unless you are a girl scout.. bitches love girl scouts.

- A friend of mine said she felt sorry for girls that didn't have curves. It got me thinking how a dude could possibly have fun fucking a pole.

- Don't buy a dildo that is going to be bigger than 90% of the dudes you might fuck in the future. Its not fair to you or the next dude. 


- I almost always imagine running someone over in the super market parking lot. It would be so easy.

- How come nobody stops the "rolling stop sign" person. That person is a dick! they are rebels and don't give a fuck about anything obviously.. they just roll on by through life and stop signs and I don't too much care for you. I think a giant bolder should fall from the sky even if there isnt a fucking mountain in sight and fall directly on you.

- I think... mondays... should be the complimentary blow job day. 

- Texting is so simple. If I text you.. you text back and vice versa.. if you don't, I wont... and don't you dare give me an attitude when I don't

- Not texting back is 'end friendship' status for sure btw. 


- Lets not get hung up on people who are not hung up on us, kay people? 

- I like really to hear really damaging stories that have an happy endings. Even if your story hasn't ended yet, if you are optimistic about it.. we can be best friends. If you are negative about it, You can fuck off. Why? because everyones story is a fucked up one and because its happening to you, you automatically think you have the worst story to tell. Now, there is nothing wrong with that so long as you aren't feeling pathetic about it. So you have some scars and bruises, that is sexy believe it or not. Whats not sexy? you crying about it. 

- It must give your mind a real work out to try and find a way you can put a frown on my face. You mad? 

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