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Monday, February 6, 2012

headache from hell

- I hate when people say "but that was before your time" its like saying "your too young and dumb to understand" no bitch... your too fucking old! I think I know who fucking Led Zepplin is.

- Even the worlds biggest asshole will pucker up to a hot sweet lady. Which is why you should always be polite and friendly.

- I don't have to jump when you say jump. Sometimes I will put off doing certain tasks for certain people I don't like because its a nice adult way of giving someone the middle finger. 

- Someone that cares about you in general wont do the following things:

- Never answer your urgent calls, or any calls in general.
- Never hangs out with you outside of one specific area.
- Make you feel like shit or doesn't care about your feelings in general.
- Not take your opinion into consideration at all.
- Doesn't feel greatful for any thing you do for them.

These people you should cut out of your life completely. EVEN if they are family. There is no point to keeping someone you are not benefiting by phsyically or emotionaly.

- Friends call friends sometimes just to talk. Thats a normal friend thing to do.

- People tell me "I'm not a phone person"... all I hear is "I'm weird so don't talk to me anymore or you'll regret it"

- If some asshole drops you off the face of the earth be happy they did you the favor.

- Girls will lie about how great the sex is with you because sex will NOT get better by telling a dude they fucking suck. Don't tell me it will because you cant even take directions right. "Slow down" "SHH!" Ive never seen a dude get so frustrated when you are trying to explain what you want in bed, this isn't a fucking circus act, its fucking sex. Jesus.

- That is the reason we are always asking "do you like it?" during any sort of sexual act.

- I told my friend that if I ever got to the point of not be able to get out of bed because of how fat I get her duty as a friend to me would be to lock me in a dungeon and feed me crackers until I wither away into nothing.

- Dude your dick will never be great enough to cry over. Just know that. 

- When my friends recite things I've already posted on my like they never read it to begin with, like they just had an epiphany, I will say "You should read this blog I found on the internets. Its full of things you should know"

- I don't like playing games. I'll tell you why... you know that one dude that plays world of war craft for a living? I mean hes so fucking good at the game that the game pays him to play? that's why I don't play "the game"... because I'm so fucking good at it.. that the game pays me. 

- Never NEVER depend on anyone but yourself. You are the only reliable source in your life. If you can't do something by yourself, then don't do it.

- The expression "some people just never learn" is a lazy persons excuse to not grow up and change.

- Men are the most simple human beings to figure out. They are usually up front about their personality, I rarely ever find a dude that's fake about his persona. this is why I don't believe when a girl acts like they didn't know their dude was a lazy fuck from the start.

- Girls, on the other hand, can be fake as fuck from the start. 

- You're an asshole if you answer a question as if there was some magical way I could have found out the answer. If I knew the fucking answer, don't you think I wouldn't be asking? and why do you have to be the prick that just can't answer the fucking question.

- I should have been a lot cooler when I was younger but my parents put me in a shitty school in the middle of farm land... nothing exciting to see here folks.. move along.

- I am not an asshole for putting your idiocy on blast. If you can't take a joke then you seriously need to lighten up dude. 

- People ask "why am I so dumb?" you always reply "You just are..."

- Woman hang out with cute well behaved babies and their ovaries almost instantly start shooting out eggs.

- If you have a shitty waiter, make him feel like and even bigger piece of shit and leave a nice note that states they should smile more. 

- I always leave my waiter notes. Why? because I'm fucking awesome.

- Wait, so what happened in the black swan?

- Oh so we're playing that game now... when we act like we are 5 years old its all about you. Were in 'youville' oh okay... can you point me to your nearest fucking exit? 

- The more you ignore a situation that needs to be addressed, the more cowardly you look and NO DUDE wants to look like a coward. Want to know why? because pussies are cowards. That's right... big ol' pussies.


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