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Monday, March 5, 2012

- Mondays are general "fuck up" days.

- Don't rush some one when what ever their doing requires concentration. I don't rush you, so don't rush me okay?

- Question: When did it become cool to openly talk about how your a cuter? Is this another trend like triangle tattoos?

- Also... when dudes utter "Did you cum yet?" or "are you close?" makes me lose any type of sexual feeling and I want to officially get your dick out of me.

- I often wonder if pitbull is as famous in other places as he is here.

- Sometimes I will let an idiot slide with certain mistakes because I just tell myself "he's not smart enough to know better" but if they make the same mistake twice I will point out how completely fucking stupid you are.

These are the Six types of Love:


a passionate physical and emotional love based on aesthetic enjoyment; stereotype of romantic love

a love that is played as a game or sport; conquest; may have multiple partners at once

an affectionate love that slowly develops from friendship, based on similarity

love that is driven by the head, not the heart

obsessive love; experience great emotional highs and lows; very possessive and often jealous lovers

selfless altruistic love; spiritual

- Dear writers of "the walking dead"
It wasn't exactly who I was hoping for and I know you know who I mean, fucking blonde bitch, but You gave me what I wanted... and I appreciate that.
Sincerely, Emily.

- Woman like passionate sex even if you aren't really serious about each other. You can't ever make sex about you, It has to always be about who you are fucking and that goes for both sexes.

- I am convinced bitter people who do nothing but shit on your happiness were bullied as a child. Some on straight up stole their yo yo

- I think child rapists should be raped in the ass with a giant splintered 2X4 daily while wearing a dress. These are people that make me wonder what in the fuck type of purpose were they supposed to serve. Like what was their reason for being here on this earth?

- Is it bad that I wish all murderers murdered the right people? Like child rapists?

- If I have done nothing but repeat the same sentence or word for the last 15 minutes of our conversation, it means I am no longer interested in talking so you should stop trying to make the conversation more interesting.

- I think everyone was born with a little bit of ADD. I'm convinced that's just a medical term for "I only pay attention when It's something I might be interested in"

- Not down with dudes/girls who continue to shit on their decent relationships. I think you don't deserve them, and I am not afraid to admit that in public and by public I mean by telling your significant other.

I don't feel sorry about it, it does nothing for me. 

- If you can't handle the repercussions of your actions than you need to re-think your strategy

- You're a moron if you ignore an email from a girl that says "your boyfriend is cheating on you with me", or something along those lines.  Nobody does that shit cause their jealous, they do that shit cause it's true. 

Why? because no smart girl is going to try and sabotage your already shitty relationship so she can get with someone who cheated on you with them. That's an oxymoron.

- Expect people to be in a shitty mood on Monday just like you would expect people to be in a happy mood on Friday. 

- If you are dating people younger than 22 you should prepare for the drama to follow.

- I could very well write a 500 page book about facebook rules, but I don't have the mental strength to put the effort into that. I will say this, Can you fucking stop it with the cliff hanger status updates?

"Sometimes... it's like I'm holding a gun"

Oh... kay... what? what does that even mean!? WHY?! WHY DO I NEED THIS IN MY STATUS FEED!? GET IT OFF...

- I'm not an insagram pro or anything but can we stop with the posting of pictures that are clearly from your DSLR and NOT your iPhone? 

- Catching people off guard means your interesting and mysterious and people love that shit.

- If you've had sex with more than 5 people, then you are officially more attractive than the average person. This is a true fact I made up.

- No I have not had sex with more than 5 people.

- You will not prove that you are an amazing person by commenting on all of your significant others photo's and status updates. What you will prove is that your insecure as fuck, so stop. 

- Any dude will look over any completely fucked up situation if their girlfriend is a "10" I call this the trophy complex. These dudes will say "Yes" to open relationships for the girl only or threesomes with another male. These dudes will Turn their face when their trophy girlfriend is being polished by another dude. Wake up bro, you're better than that. 

- I don't know how it is anywhere else, so I am speaking for the people in Miami Florida. It is a nice thing for a dude to open doors for me. I'm not lazy and I'm not from some sort of royal family. I just like for a dude to treat me like a lady and Its called chivalry. I think a lot of girls don't know that because it is unlikely for a dude to be educated in chivalry here in south Florida. That's not your fault dudes, that's your parents fault. but now you are reading this blog, and now you know... and knowing is half the battle.

- I'll be the first to say I love getting penis pictures but there is a time and place for that. If you JUST started talking to a girl, wait until she asks for it. This type of thing is like giving a serious present too soon. It kind of freaks us out...

- Subsequently I am terrified of only ever being some dudes "play thing" rather than someone that actually matters.

- You know that moment when you think you've found the most perfect parking spot only to find out a fiat or smart car is parked there. It's a lot like almost about to orgasm but then someone switches shit up and completely ruins the moment.

Here is my movie critique on the first sex in the city movie.

Okay, so you are telling me that carrie (the main blonde chick) waited 10 years for this dude to marry her. 10 years of an on and off relationship where he cheated and treated her like shit. and she told this dude "yes" and then she was surprised when he left her at the alter? 

you know crazy religious folk fucking complain about how gory or how dangerous some movies are but look at the fucking subliminal messages these fucking chick flicks are giving.

THEN she finally gets over him... moves on.. seems a bit bitter but fuck it.. shes got her own thing going on but the second he does something "nice" like take a girl to the emergency room when her water broke (fuck even I would do that) she's back in his arms like nothing happened.

a million dollar wedding... down the drain.
10 years... of her life... waiting for this dude to change.

Your telling me a smart journalist from New York is going to take him back?

someone from the middle of America where the population is like 5 but not some sophisticated educated broad.

The oldest one is the one that surprises me the most. Shes like 60... some odd... thousand years old and still hasn't figured her shit out? by that age you are either married or have 50 cats. 

What shouldeve happened was after the first time this dude left her she shouldeve moved on to someone who wouldn't. Period. Now some blonde toothless woman is thinking "well if it worked for her, then its gotta work for us baby!" :face palm:

- I'm sorry I know that was long but its really all ridiculous

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