emilyisasecret facebookemilyisasecret twitteremilyisasecret youtubeemilyisasecret flickremilyisasecret tumblremilyisasecret formspring

Monday, April 9, 2012

- I think the best places to people watch is at walmart OR the liquor store. You can spot weird from a mile away and those are weird people hot spots.

This song is soooo good.

- I always feel embarrassed when I catch people having sex in public. I don't actively search these people out, it just so happens that I run at night and a lot of people like to get blow jobs at that time... at the park where I run.

- You know how people say "I've worked hard to get where I am today" or "You have to work hard to get where you want to go"? I'm sure in most instances, this is true but I always wonder if that's depending on each person. Obviously some singers/actors/actresses already had their foot in the door because a parent was already famous, so in that case, in their heads they may think they worked hard, but... they didn't really..

or like.. for example Paris Hilton? You think she worked hard at all? but you know that in her own mind she thinks she has...

I guess what I'm trying to say is, I think some people just get lucky, and if you work hard long enough you are bound to come across something. There really isn't such thing as a "hard work pays off" its really "If you're lucky, you're lucky and if you're not, you're not" because someone can work hard all of their life and still never get a break...

- People always say "girls never want a nice dude" and this is true but not in the fucked up way you are thinking. It doesn't mean all woman like assholes or dudes that slap them around. Girls DO want nice dudes, but they don't want a pussy. This is hard to divide for a guy because USUALLY if a dude is a nice guy, he's most likely going to be a pussy. So I'm going to help you.

Don't be a dick.
Answer us back but not right away.
Be sweet.
When the time comes to be a dick, be a dick. 

This means that in the instance that you both are somewhere, and some dude comes along and disrespects one of you, you say something.

If there is a personal problem going on, you handle it.

If you want sex, YOU INITIATE SEX.

- Girls will always want sex if you know how to probably prepare a girl. That means if she says "no" the answer can always be "yes" if you "prepare". This means I am always up for sex, but when I am not, it just takes a decent massage, and some sweet words and I will want it. I don't mean some lame... 5 second massage, I mean the type of massage you give when you know you are going to get sex after.

are all girls like this? maybe not, but I haven't found a girl that isn't this way and that says something.

- There is a huge difference between back scratching and caressing. Caressing is as if you were using your fingers as feathers against someones skin. It is the most glorious feeling in the world.

- I think the type of person that can insult you all day long because it makes them feel better about themselves, but when you make fun of them they turn into a fucking asshole are the type of people that need to be publicly humiliated every once in a while to know what it feels like.

- Do not EVER get the word "YOLO" tattooed on your inner lip, or anywhere for that matter. You aren't cool.. You are dumb.

- I don't know whats the deal with people who can't accept the fact that other people have tattoos, it's not your body so what gives? It's just like getting an abortion, You don't have to live with it so fuck off...

-  Going to church once a year (or even 10 times a year) doesn't make you spiritual. It also doesn't mean you are being very productive with your time. Want to know why? You can pray at home or anywhere else at your own convenience. How about volunteering your "free" time (because that's really what it is) to a local shelter or non-profit organization you religious natzi.

- The "bad ass car" complex does not work the same way for girls as it does for dudes. Which is totally unfair...

- There are a lot of people in this world that no matter how right you are, their irrelevant facts mean they are right. These are the battles you should just choose to lose because you are smarter than that.

- If drawing a happy trail or landing strip above your vagina is considered sociably unacceptable, then why are drawn on eye brows so widely accepted? 

p.s why are people that draw on eye brows so fucking horrible at it usually? the point is to look natural and honey you ain't fooling anyone. 

- Yo, this cross trend bullshit is really getting on my nerves..

What's next? an octagon? 

- This little Spanish dude drops off a local news paper called "GOODNEWS" which is funny because it never has "good" news in it. 

So I read it of course because I read everything as it fuels my daily life with hysterical nonsense.

Question, did he call you to do an article about how you openly judged someone from afar?

but then there was this....

Well thank fucking God. 

- The best way to wake someone up from a nightmare is probably NOT to punch them in the side...

- I think the moment I realized I was an adult was when all the kids got an Easter basket and I didn't.. so I just stole a child's Easter basket because I refuse to believe that shit.

- You automatically become a GIANT WANKER when I email you and you do not email me back EVEN THOUGH I KNOW YOU CHECK YOUR SHIT! I need answers dick face... If I didn't need a reply I would've texted you.

- If other people are allowed to do fucked up shit and not get any repercussions for it, then do NOT be afraid to use that to your own advantage. 

- Why is tattle tailing a bad thing? I've never once heard a cop tell someone "No no no... now don't be a tattle tail... If you saw a robber, then let him be" yet as kids, it was bad to be one? what the fuck gives?

No comments:

Post a Comment