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Monday, May 14, 2012

Big spender


- It is not humanly impossible to run out of advice for one person. I thought that it was, but it's not.

- Monday would probably be the wrong day to tell me something really fucked up or stupid.

- I think friendships are just like any other relationships and if you are lacking in communication then you have a huge problem.

- I don't like my friends to date douche bags, just like I don't like mushrooms or those weird seed things you find in pizza (what ever the fuck they are) you can't mask that shit with good taste or looks... either way its still mushrooms and weird pizza seeds.

- John Travolta? Gay. I called that.

- If you're the type of person that gets razor burn easily.. crush up some low dose aspirin and mix with lotion and apply to your inflamed areas. Inflammation goes away. magic bitches.

- Trying to explain to someone how bad of an idea something else is when they believe it isn't full heartedly is like trying to explain to an infant how bad soda is when all they do is drink it. Do you know how hard that is?

- Anticipation is such a turn on.

-Sometimes I wish my superhero power was to punch someone in the face using my mental powers. They wouldn't know it was me, they would just feel the wrath of my invisible punch to the face...

- Unfortunately my superhero power is the power to suck.

- It takes a lot for someone to personally get on my bad side but one surefire way to get there is if you fuck one of my friends over... I have no problem publicly embarrassing you.

- You have major skills if you can shave your vagina in the dark.

- Why do Japanese people always look scared to death in porn?

- If a dude hasn't brought up moving in together its probably a good idea to never bring it up period.

- I will never understand the concept of posting how pathetic you feel or look on the Internet. Shits not attractive. Plus, who ever feels better when someones like "Awww... don't worry" NO ONE. dudes/girls don't like that shit.. they need someone who's got their shit together... not falling apart at the seams

- zooey deschanel isn't fucking real, so stop trying to be like her.

Emma Stone however... 

- Don't buy the same pair of sunglasses every time. They are an accessory, not a necessity and when you are accessorizing you need variety 

- Every girl want to be the best you've ever had. Vocalize that...

- The key to great sex is all in the prep work. Just like painting a car. You wont get a decent paint job if you slack on the prep.

- If you know for a FACT that someone is being unfaithful then it would be a sin NOT to say anything

- I think some people should have a cut off time to relay information. Some people take too long to tell stories and that shits annoying.

- When people say I have a head ache I always assume they mean "migraine" because I suffer from migraines... and to think of anything more dulling then that would make me think you're a giant pussy and I'd rather think you are more manly than that.

This song is... pretty fucking bad ass... 

 - "The reason our relationship works is because Its not about what I want... its about what they want. Theres no room for selfishness. You just accept things for what they are, and if they do the same, then It just works" 

- I commend lesbians. Anyone that can put up with that much vagina in one sitting deserves a medal. 

- Seriously though delete assholes off your facebook. It's time for a spring cleaning. 

- My life is basically all clumbsy awkward moments bunched up in daily routine. 

- The reason he keeps coming back after he told you how worthless you are is because he enjoys that you keep taking him back after hes made you feel like you are nothing. 

- Dude, she likes you because you have the same music interests.... period.... that means outside of your music tastes, you're a giant dragon dick.

- He's not even good looking, seriously get a hold of yourself. 

- Peoples reasoning behind doing dumb shit like keeping a giant dragon dick around all depends on how good a person looks.. 

- You should stop drinking or doing drugs when you almost kill yourself or someone else in the process

- I hate how much taller I am than everyone else... 

1 comment:

  1. you mean the caraway seed in the sausage on a pizza?? i don't like them either.