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Monday, May 21, 2012

I'm gonna hunt you down

- I've noticed that there are 2 things my friends judge to base on whether or not someone is a good mate or not for themselves or their friends... These 2 things are their looks and their ability to fuck..

- If you can't kick whats bad for you then you deserve whats coming to you.

- There are times when I see people post the most melodramatic bullshit on the internet and it takes every fiber of my being not to say some asshole remark.. and yeah I could unfriend them, or make it so their stupid shit doesn't pop up in my feed but then how else will they learn that being like that is bad form?

- Personally I like the closeness of sex. What I mean by that is I like the type of deep penetration that feels almost like you are grinding on eachother. That is a quality mate right there... We aren't fucking turtles... we are sexual beings... make this shit a show.. I want the audience to clap afterwards...

- And just so its clear... I would never date someone that didn't know how to make it a damn good show... 

- Just because it looks like I'm not busy doesn't mean its time to give me a task.. You want something done then do it yourself.. I got my own list of shit I have to do.

- When going to a rave, expect a high volume of douchery and drunk bitches.

Speaking of rave, I saw rusko this weekend thanks to my awesome boyfriend...

If you have never heard his shit, here's two songs to start...

I've bee listening to these a lot 

- I can't speak for everyone, just the majority.. which means 9 times out of 10 I'm right.. so just follow what I say and no one gets hurt... 

- Don't be afraid to dance, it's just dancing.. not brain surgery... 

-If the person you are crushing on is the main reason you have panic attacks then you should probably move on... shits like a ticking time bomb waiting to blow up in your face...

- I don't mind acting like I'm wrong (even though I'm totally right) if it means I'll avoid a stupid argument. 

- If we have to avoid a certain topic because it will automatically dampen a good conversation then something needs to be re-adjusted. 

- If all of your friends think what you are doing is definitely the wrong thing, then chances are it is..

- Every girl feels envy, jealousy and has insecurities. Some feel these emotions more than others. To better ease these demons, you can always re-assure your chick buy complimenting or comparing their great qualities to those that have shitty ones.    

- Mega turn on: When a dude is about to orgasm and must notify a girl but uses something completely different then your average "I'mmmm cummmminggggg" 

- Mega turn off: When a dude is about to orgasm and must notify you by doing something really fucked up like smacking you in the face or saying something really ridiculous like "BAAATTT MANNNNN"

P.S... no high-fiving after sex... that doesn't happen unless you are friends with benefits or a douche bag. 

(In no particular order)

1. Rolling on my cat in the middle of the night and suffocating him.
2. My dad dying.
3. Shitting in my pants as a result of something really terrifying. 
4. My pets dying
5. Never getting rid of the "I'm never going to be good enough" feeling.
6. Throwing up on someone.
7. Giving birth.
8. Anal sex
9. Being dependent on someone else.
10. Open closet doors at night.
11. Pool drains.
12. Laying under cars.
13. Falling in love with someone who's going to cheat on me.
14. Shaving near my Achilles tendon.
15. Eating upside down.
16. Public bathrooms.
17. Walking on seaweed.
18. Sting rays.
19. Any abnormally large sized insect. 
20. People running behind me while I am running.
21. Low battery on my phone anytime I'm going to be alone.
22. Getting a dudes penis stuck in his zipper as I'm unzipping his pants.
23. Butt dialing someone I'm talking shit about.

- You'll be wrapped around my finger... :) 

1 comment:

  1. I love the honesty in your blogging! Can't wait to read more!