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Monday, May 7, 2012

"really!? off sides my dick!"

- Is it weird that the first thing comes to mind when I walk into a hotel room is "I bet you someone just jacked off everywhere"

- Motels are hooker hang outs... 

- To clear any misconceived information on "inexperienced sexual partners" just so you know the amount of sexual partners does not define your ability to fuck. I've seen some shit.. 



- Never leave your car in gear when parking. Especially if this is not something you don't normally do. 

- Life is too fucking short to feel miserable. 

- People break up. It happens.. its just one person in your life and whether you fucked up or not the point is you have to build a bridge and get over it. 



- Some times you fuck up.. it happens.

- When I was a younger it was a sin to have more than one best friend. If you had more than one best friend, you were a whore. Obviously things have changed because I have like 5 best friends and I'm definitely not a whore. 



- If you spend a good deal of your time wondering "why wasn't I good enough" you should switch it to "Why are they so fucking stupid?" 

- Every girl wants to know you're thinking about her. Even if you make it completely obvious by your actions, nothing speaks louder than actual words.... cause... you actually say those... actions don't speak you fuck. 

- People will say the darndest things to themselves to cover their mistakes in their minds. 



- If there is a lie someone is cooking around you, the best way you can find out if it's true or not is to list all the facts. Facts don't lie and that's a fact.

"listen here... I'm gonna get to the bottom of this and I don't give a fuck if you're at the top" 

- I hate how jobs consume you. I hear people say "If I quit my job I am sooo fucked" that's almost the same thing as saying "If I get out of this completely physically abusive relationship I am gonna be soooo fucked" you know who says that? no one. 

 HA!

- A dudes amount of swag is depending on the type of girl he is trying to woo. Which means if you think you have all the swag in the world, you probably have none. 

- I can't believe people are still doing their fucking taxes... WHY!? THIS MAKES NO SENSE!? this is free extra money! how could you not want this!? 

- How about unless you are going to give me full disclosure of everything you are trying to tell me.. and not just omit certain things out.. then you can just... keep it to yourself.


1 comment:

  1. why isn't this blog famous!?!? great job, one of my favorites :)

    ReplyDelete