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Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Your loves too good to be true.

- The moment 4:55pm shows on my phone on Mondays, I get the same feeling I do when I realize its Friday, I have 5 minutes of work left, and 2 days off....

- Believe that everything happens for a reason. You just have to be smart enough to know why. 

- Just because I like giving someone a taste of their own medicine doesn't mean I always want to be doing it.. 

- I think the reason for dating is to know that you won't be in "some shit" 6 months down the road. 

- People enjoy praise. I think this statement falls on deaf ears because every time I write about it, NOBODY FUCKING LISTENS. Learn to compliment people. Not just the people who play a daily role in your life but also the people you meet on a random basis. That person that hands you you're coffee in the morning? "Hey dude, thanks! You're awesome!". Yeah strangers deserve attention too! 

p.s Girls love that shit. They love to hear what you notice even if it's the same damn thing over and over. The point is, we like that you notice a us. Even if it's just a piece. 

- Someone says "If I may lend a little constructive criticism..." tell them "No fucking thanks."

- When you grow up, you stop using the word "bully" and replace it with "Asshole". An asshole will poke fun at people. Fart all day about them, even though they are dirty as fuck in side. It's the same damn thing every single time. So seriously assholes, get the fuck over it. 

- I only believe in telling someone once that something is a bad idea. You are an adult, you figure the rest out if you don't need my help. 

- And honestly I don't think ridiculing some one about something all the fucking time is really the best medicine for a masochist. 

 - Here as a more reader friendly "When to grow up" chart. 

18-21 years of age: This is your time to shine, dicks. You want to be young, dumb and full of cum then NOW'S THE TIME TO BE IT. Why? because shortly after this phase, shit starts to get real, real quick. 

22-25 This is the age you figure shit out. You learn some shit about life and relationships, you should even have an actual degree by now which means you must have a higher paying job. Apartment time.

26-30 Whelp, You now should have a job that pays for the things you want and also your hospital bills. You're job also pays for you to go on vacation during the summer. Maybe you are even married at this point

31-35 Kids. 

35-50 This is a total grey area.. I'll have to get back at you on this... 

51-70 Retirement

- Alcohol makes me sweat like crazy, which is why I rarely drink. 

- I wish being a radio personnel was more popular because I think I'd be excellent at it

- If I hear one more person talk about this "YOLO" bullshit I'm going to eat someones face.

- I think relationships that develop constant problems later on down the road are usually due to someone in the relationship being selfish. 

- Sometimes your penis just doesn't work in certain kinds of vaginas 

- There's a new rating system that defines how hot something is by using an insane amount of dicks. For example: "Damn it's like 1000 dicks hot up in this bitch" 

- I love cuddling but hate the sauna. Which means that in order for us to cuddle it must be cold as fuck for it to work comfortably. 

- When people tell me they've never orgasmed before I never believe them. They just don't know their bodies well enough. 

- I almost always "forget" to do something when someone I hate asks me for a favor. 

- The person I am with out coffee in the morning... scares me. 

- Don't ruin a good time on other peoples time. Thats just rude and inconsiderate. Ruin time on your own time. 

-  People that implement rules but never follow through with them piss me off. Oh that's a rule? go fuck yourself. 

- I am amazed every time by the amount of people in Miami that DO NOT speak english. 

- When someone says "I want...." I always reply with "Well I want a million dollars.. are we just stating things we want?" 

- The highest level of "feel good" is when you are drooling. If there was a bar that indicated how good something felt, drooling should be at the top.

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