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Monday, July 30, 2012

In the event of an emergancy...

- "Ugly is something that grows up inside you. Its mean and hurtful"

- Laughter cures the soul. It mends the cracks and fixes the leaks. If you can't laugh, then your soul is in some serious danger.

- When you bite off more than you can chew, don't panic. Just push some of the shit aside till you know you wont choke.

- You know what sucks? unknowingly sitting on a toilet that someone has previously pissed on.

- Any time someone says the word "somebody" in any sentence what so ever, I automatically echo with "SOMEBODY!" like Kris Schroeder from gotye. It's like I have Tourettes for the "somebodies"

- You can't give someone a free trial to something but not let the most important parts of what you're selling be unavailable. That's like saying "Yeah, you can have sex with me... but you can't stick your dick in my vagina... or any other opening.. All you basically can do is thrust in mid air."

- Who ever doesn't deliver flowers personally are a bunch of lazy fucks.

- Who gets gets a band tattoo... really...

- At first I thought it was sad the way I feel when strangers are abnormally nice to me, but I figured out that there's a lot more crazy people than there are nice... so statistically speaking, that makes me feel better.

- I think siri has something against me. She never does anything I ask her and finally when she does, its like I asked a 5 year old to do it.

maybe its my demographic.... Maybe because I don't speak Spanish or have a strong Miami accent she just gets all "does not compute."

- Oh you're so cool with your "slayer" shirt 

you're a tool

I'm sorry I get so pissed when people buy into trends.. cause I know you don't listen to slayer honey.

- How does one cheat on Robert Pattinson?

- I can't help but wonder if Betty Whites always been a freak or if she's just doing that for publicity.

- Time is the most valuable thing in this world and yet we all forget we're running out. So don't waste my time. Time that can easily be used on someone that actually gives a shit.

- If people can't accept you for what you are then fuck them. Unless you're an asshole.. cause let's face it.. no one likes an asshole.

- Hey according to recent teen novels, if you are good looking you can be as creepy and crazy as you want.

Not if you're ugly. If you are ugly lets face it, someones going to be pressing charges somewhere

- My grandma always told me "The truth shall set you free" I never knew how true that is until recently.

- Every time I hang out with a group of guys the lack of fellatio in their relationship always comes to conversation.. Maybe girls just aren't getting the message

I made this:

Go ahead... Pintrest that shit.



  1. Bahahahaha. I LOVE the one about free trials.
    I feel considerably more prepared to tackle life tomorrow thanks to this post. Thank you. Life saver.


  2. LMAO!! Nonsense! Siri hates my guts or my Miami freakishly hispanic accent that I do not believe I have! And yes some of my girlfriends have fallen under the No-BJ rule...say whaaat?! I feel horrible for their hubbys/boyfriends. oh boy!

    xo Andie
    Andie's Traveling Pants