so rude!

 

- Someone needs to make an "option to skip" button for Monday's

- I really can't stand food scents on people. People who wear cotton candy perfume or apple cider cologne are fucking nasty.

- The toughest thing in life is saying goodbye to something you don't want to say goodbye to.

- My grandma is always telling me "You better take something from me or else you wont have anything to remember me by" I always reply with "I have memories and that's enough for me" mainly because I don't have room for her couch in my room or her vanity but there is also another point to this. I think as humans we hold on way too tight to material shit. 

- I hate when people don't respect your personal space. I don't need you to hover over me when I'm reading or eating. Seriously, am I THAT fucking interesting? 

- I also think its extremely rude for someone to snap or clap to get your attention when you are on the phone. What are you 5? Wait till I'm done dick face. 

- I hate feeling spiteful or hatred towards someone. Not because they don't deserve it or anything but more because if someone did something that fucked up to me, then I shouldn't even give them the decency of feeling anything towards them. 

- We rely too much on time.

- You are the creator of your life. You build your own roads and decide on where to go. Don't go down a road based on how well it will suit someone else because in the end you will feel like a failure because of it. 

- There is a difference between being a nice/caring person and bending over backwards for someone. being nice and caring is acceptable and a nice act of kindness. Bending over backwards shows you are a kiss ass or whooped and that is fucking pathetic.

- People will be people and in case you didn't know, people are fuckers, unreliable and assholes so don't be surprised. 

- I've realized that pathological liars are the most easiest liars to figure out because they lie about the most asinine shit like how their dog suddenly grew wings and was able to fly.

- Here is how you know someones weird. If they like weird shit, then they are weird people. This is completely depending on the person who is judging. For example... If someone says "I don't like the consistency of hamburgers" I'm personally going to think you are weird and was probably force fed hamburgers as a child, BUT if this person said this to a vegetarian or a vegan or someone who also didn't like the consistency of hamburgers then maybe they wouldn't looks so weird. 

in all honesty, you're fucking weird if you don't like hamburgers... 

- I feel like people that constantly have plumbers butt know their ass crack is showing and they just like the breeze it gets when their pants are semi-down. Since I'm positive this is the case, PLEASE... DO THAT SHIT ON YOUR OWN TIME NOT IN PUBLIC. 

- OH look at you.. so cool and hip because you don't use razors or wax your fucking bohemian ass hair. You want a gold coin for being the hairiest woman alive? NO!  YOU WONT! WHY DON'T YOU GO BACK TO YOUR HOME ON WHORE ISLAND! 

 

- Penises are like a wide variety of GI-JOE characters.  

- If you made the decision to have children then you have voluntarily signed the "It's time to grow up" form. Seriously, no one forced you to have kids, and they definitely didn't ask you to be born so fucking man up and take responsibility for your fucking sperm/eggs  

- If you are worried because you might "lose your job" get the fuck over it dude... its just a fucking job. 

- I wish I had more children in my life because their definitions for certain words are fucking hilarious. 

- I also can't tell the future. I know it may seem like it can because I can read people very well, and I am usually always right, but that's just because I'm smart. Not because I have some 6th sense.

- Sometimes I wonder if I'm just REALLY mature for my age or everyone else around me in the same age group are a bunch of fucking morons and I'm actually at the right mental stand point for my age.

- When someone brags about how many millions of years they've had in experience in some kind of trade or what have you, the only way you can tell for sure is how many fucked up stories they have from being in that trade for so god damned long. If they don't have any, then run far away.

- If a company can't function with out you, then you have done your job right.

Me and my best friend.. yep.

- There is a time and place for everything and your timing is WAY off if you think now's the time to tell me you have some weird ball dropping disorder or droopy penis skin inflammation. 

- JUST BECAUSE a dude asks you for your number and wants to hang out doesn't mean hes interested.......... right?

- Here is how you know someone is trying to be a dick to you, and only you... Try minding your own business and show minimal interest in ANYTHING they have to say or do and see how upset they get at you. If I didn't give a fuck about your weekend last week what makes you think I fucking give a shit now? 

- I can't read minds, I just cant.. I don't know what gave you the impression that I do, but just so we're clear... I DON'T READ MINDS. 

- Would you really be that upset if you died while having an orgasm? 

- Yeah... I talk about sex... a lot... you say it like its a bad thing... 

- I think the wrong way to react to a compliment is to say "I know... fucking duh" 

- The rules are simple.. if you're nice to me.. I'm nice to you.

If your an asshole to me.. I'm an asshole to you

If you really suck in bed, I'm going to be as equally bad...

I'm like a human mirror.

- I'm gonna say it because maybe I'm the only one with balls enough to fucking admit it but drawn on eyebrows are fucking... terrible. JUST FUCKING TERRIBLE unless you are a cross dresser or in some kind of costume show... STOP IT..

When life gives you lemons

- If you like the person you are fucking.. you should know that every girl likes to still feel wanted romantically after sex. Pull her towards you, play with her hair, rub her arm.. kiss her forehead. Don't act like a dead log.

- Valentines day Is coming and I bet you are flipping out trying to make dinner reservations...

save yourself the trouble and make dinner at home.. Make a tent in the middle of your living room or where ever the tv is and watch a movie together.

Flowers? sure...

You want to get her a gift.. check out these cute ass things from etsy..

 here

 here

here

 here

-Don't ask why bitch, ask why not.

-No but seriously, stop asking why shit keeps happening because YOU allow it. 

- You have to enjoy the tiny moments because when you die and your life flashes before your eyes its going to be one short boring movie.. and NO ONE likes those kinds of movies.

- If you act like you have a big penis, subconsciously your penis will grow 8 inches.

- SO perfect morning = Sex, breakfast and collata 

- First, to figure out what a girl likes in bed you MUST observe completely when you go slow or fast. Depending on her reaction, you will get a better idea as to what she really likes. Just because a girl moans when you are jack hammering her DOESN'T mean that's what she prefers. KEY WORD is  "prefer" That means that jack hammering may be nice once in a while.. but not all the time.

- Don't be afraid, Be prepared.

- A woman wants to feel safe and secure emotionally and financially. That is an important quality all SMART woman look for in a mate. If we don't feel safe, then we feel vulnerable and what happens to vulnerable things in the wild?

- Just like every dude wants a woman who is kind and nurturing. 

- I think as a dude, it is important for you not to be afraid of anything or at least act like it. Own up to your balls dude! 

- Its a bad idea to give a dude the time of day that totally ditched you for a dumb reason last week. Fuck that guy.

- I have a very low tolerance for people who beg for advice and then never follow it. I just took the effort to care about you and you shit on my chest. You totally deserve whats coming to you.

- I am all for sexuality and embracing it any way you can. I am NOT for sexual shit that 16 year olds spread on the Internet. YOU HAVEN'T EVEN GROWN INTO YOUR VAGINA BITCH! COVER YOUR TITS! 

- "I was concentrating on fucking you, not breathing... I'm pretty sure that's why I have a head ache right now" 

- You are a dick if you have no idea how to keep in touch with friends.. 

- You ever need to apologize for something always apologize with this expression "I am sorry about *insert mistake here* It WONT happen again" You obviously have to mean it, but that's not the point.. the point is that no one can continue to be angry at someone who says "it will never happen again"

- I love Adelle,

really... but they are really fucking over doing it by playing her music on every single station.

- When you are young, you approach relationships in this order:

Get to know each other, date then fuck.

When you are older you approach relationships like this:

Fuck, get to know each other... then date. 

- I think glasses make you smart... yeah, I said it... they make you smart.

- I hate when people fuck up expressions. Its like nails on chalk board. 

Someone said to me today "I hate to beat a blind horse" 

What the fuck really? that doesn't even make sense! Not that beating a dead horse makes sense either but a blind one?

- Maybe I like shitty shows... Maybe I work all damn day and want to come home and catch up on some vampire diaries...

- I read a health magazine today that stated "Giving heals" it said that "giving what you can, physically and emotionally can heal your emotional wounds" I agree with this. 

- I think its sad that some people cant even rely on their friends for a favor. 

- I have accepted the fact that I was at one point in my life listening (and enjoying) limp bizcut and linkin park. Don't judge me okay? I was also listening to glassjaw, across five aprils and poison the well before all you fucks 

- You gotta understand this, and I mean it in the nicest way possible... NOBODY gives a SHIT about your past. In other words your boss, who knows nothing about your personal life, doesn't care enough to know what type of trials and tribulations bullshit you've been through in the past 

- You ever think of something so fucking vial and rude that you just cant help but laugh because you can't believe you were smart enough to say something like that... 

- I hate when I say something isn't fair, and they reply with "Well, life's not fair" Fuck you bitch... 

- If someone gives you a complement, the right way to react is reply with a come back compliment... even if its a fucking lie.

- I don't understand how people can run away from their problems because I am the type of person that deals with it head on. If you don't deal with your problems this way, they will linger on forever... 

I can discover my religion

Anon asks: "Why is it so easy for some people to have casual sex and not get feelings afterwards whereas others are very affected by it"

Some people can have sex with out strings attached and some just can't. Its all just about preference. Usually people who have sex casually, have sex with other people who are with in the same mind set. I still think its just as important to let it be known from the beggining that this type of behavior is either tollerated or not. In other words if you are the type of person to have casual sex with out any sort of emotional feeling behind it, You should let your partner know.

There is NOTHING wrong with casual sex as long as no body is getting hurt and you are being protected. Just like there is nothing wrong with having meaningful sex with someone you care about. Neither one of these are a bad thing, It just depends on the person. It doesn't make you a slut or a whore, it just makes you someone who likes to casually have sex.

The post.

I have been known to look through craigslist for some shady shit.. I mean I live in Miami.. it's not uncommon.. How ever a friend of mine posted this entry on her blog that someone submitted and I thought it to be quite funny..

Observations on sex from a single woman – w4m

---

Date: 2009-09-07, 11:22PM EDT

---

So, I’m a single, classy, well-educated, professional, in shape, cool woman… I’m dating and on the somewhat rare occasions when I meet somebody cool… someone I connect to and have chemistry with… I have sex. Here are some observations and tips for you guys from a somewhat sexually frustrated woman:

1.) Condoms are a must… wear it and shut the fuck up about it. I haven’t had sex without one in over 10 years and I deal with it, so can you. Your shit is just not great enough for me to even consider having that kind of trust with you, especially the first few times we hook up. I mean, seriously. Yes I know it feels better and it’s hard (no pun intended) for you to cum when you’re wearing one. That just means you’re not working hard enough for the orgasm… you’re lazy. Get in there and work it out, dammit. Others have been successful and so can you. Which leads me to #2…
2.) You put a condom on and your shit just goes limp. You have a hot-ass girl wanting your dick inside her… you see her there laying in front of you, looking at you with “that look,” and you can’t get hard? Again, put some heart into it. You inevitably say, “I hate these things.” I don’t care. Stop thinking about the fucking condom and make it work. Seriously.
3.) You’re in the zone, working it out… good shit. But I say, “Hold on, can I get some KY real quick?” Stop getting pissed off and/or offended… You say, “How come you’re not wet?” Um, I am, or I was, but after a good amount of time, rubber dries, which contributes to me drying out, and it fucking hurts. I WANT you to keep fucking me… I just want to get some fucking lube. I have your best interests at heart too, believe me. A little bit of lube never hurt anybody.
4.) Sometimes I just want the dick… I don’t want oral sex. It’s not that you’re bad or good at it, I’m just not in the mood… I just want your cock. Just an FYI.
5.) It takes me a good amount of time to cum… it just does. Believe me… if I want you to stop, you’ll know it. If I don’t say anything or push you the fuck off me, just keep going. Pay attention to my facial expressions (open mouth, no sound coming out, but it looks like I’m screaming = good)… my feet (when my toes start to curl, keep doing whatever you’re doing)… my hands and fingers and grip (if I’m kind of holding your hips at a certain angle… follow my lead).
6.) Go ahead… grip me up a little (but, there is a fine line… don’t cross it). Grab my hair… grab the back of my head… make me feel hot and wanted… it’s fucking hot and I love it. Start gently and see what happens…
7.) Reverse cowgirl just doesn’t work for everybody. It’s not my thing.
8.) Tell me how good I feel… sigh… make a little noise. I don’t need to hear you roaring like a T.Rex or anything, but don’t be mute. It’s unnerving.
9.) Make me look at you… tell me to open my eyes. But don’t stare like you’re going to drill holes through my head. I sometimes get lost in my own little pleasure world and forget to look at you and watch what you’re doing to me. Remind me.
10.) Boobs can be sensitive at different times of the month… just know that and approach accordingly. I’ll usually let you know ahead of time if I’m sore. Try to remember.
11.) Don’t forget about the neck and ears during sex. That’s when I’m sometimes the most sensitive and it feels amazing having you that close.
12.) Funny noises are going to happen… I might laugh out of minor embarassment and because it’s just funny. It’s okay, you can laugh too. I’m not laughing at you and I’m sorry if it feels that way.
13.) Don’t just jam anything into my ass all random-like. That should be self-evident, but apparently it’s not. That’s just not cool.
14.) I don’t get the finger-licking thing… especially when you just all up and stick your nasty fingers in my mouth.
15.) Having sex when you’re high is one of the best things ever. Just had to say that.
16.) When you start to put your dick inside me for the first time, take that shit slow. Make me ache for it… put the head in slowly and leave it there for a second. Make me lift my hips up and beg for it. Know that at that point, you are in control and we like it. Or at least I do. I want you to understand how good it feels… relish the moment.
17.) Tell me I’m beautiful and that you love my body at least once… This is especially effective when I’m in a weird position where my stomach looks fucking insane from my angle and who knows what it looks like to you. I work out. I’m pretty tight. I can kick some cardio ass. But damn, some positions just make me look crazy.
18.) Nothing gets me hotter than getting a massage, lying on my stomach… and then having you lie down on top of me, putting your head into my neck and nuzzling my ear, gently but confidently wedging my legs apart with your knee and pressing your throbbing hard cock against my ass… I’m toast.
19.) I think about sex just as much as you do, maybe more. I watch porn. I masturbate. I like to have sex… I’m careful and cautious and I have no problem asking you if you’ve ever been tested. If you say, “Yeah… a few years ago,” I’m going to be disappointed. Don’t be offended or pissy that I asked you that. I would expect you to ask me the same thing. If you don’t ask me back, I think that’s a little odd. On that note, if I ask you to check the condom once or twice during sex, just do it. I’m paranoid, but I’m also 31, never been pregnant, and never had an STD. So…
20.) Don’t leave a condom for me to find (or my cat… or my mom who volunteered to clean my house while waiting for me to come home from work one day). You’re usually in charge of the disposal.
Sigh… that felt good.

• Location: Philly
• it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 1363379397

Holy shit...

Okay let me explain myself... I've been on vacation....

I know that no fucking excuse but I forgot Monday even fucking existed because of it...

- If you do something completely fucking retarded on drugs then its probably a good idea not to do them anymore. Drugs are kind of stupid in the first place, there's really not a good reason in this world to do them, so if you think about it from a far point of view... its already a dumb idea anyways.. so stop being stupid.

- The excuse "I had no idea what I was doing" Is not an excuse at all.

- Some people like being open about things, that's admirable.

- Some people take things to heart, some people don't but if you do, man up... seriously... your a fucking pussy.

- It takes me about .5 seconds to drop a shitty person in my live. I think everyone should learn how to do that so that way there is less complaining on facebook.

- Lets face it people... facebook is a networking site... if you have a business on facebook, by all means promote through your FACEBOOK BUSINESS not on your OWN PERSONAL FACEBOOK. I DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOUR T-SHIRTS, IF I DID.. I WOULD'VE LIKED YOUR T-SHIRT BUSINESS. I added you on facebook because I am a snoop, and I want to know whats going on in your personal life... not your inability to make nice shirts.

- A healing tattoo makes me feel like a lizard... that is why I am acting like a lizard.

- If I normally drive 25 minutes to your house and I almost always spend the night, is it still weird if the other party asks randomly "are you spending the night?" ?

- I know I should change but when people force me... or suggest that I do... it makes me want to stay the same.

- I think its important to feed into your own sexuality. People love that shit.

- As a dude it is important to take control of a situation (any situation) 99% of the time. It makes you look like you have giant balls of steel and that is something all woman drool over.

- Girls get their period once a month... fucking get over it.

- Ladies, please invest in a good smelling conditioner that is RIGHT for your hair type. Dudes love sticking their face in a long lock of hair and smelling what you smell like after a shower...

- Also.. you people... Yes... YOU! The ones that don't wash their hair at least every 2 days are fucking filthy.. your hair smells like... burnt.... old. Burnt old I said it...

- If you have a massive hard on... about 90% of the time I will grab it.

This is.... wonderful

- You want people to treat you well then you have to treat people the way you want to be treated.

- You hear someone say they spent 500 dollars on dinner and think "ARE THEY OUT OF THEIR FUCKING MINDS?!"...... I think "Holy shit that dinner musteve tasted like Jesus's balls"

My point is... if I had the money... I would totally throw away money on an awesome dinner.. Why? You only live once.. and how many of you can say you ate a 500 dollar steak?

- Guys hear a girl say they spent 600 dollars on a color, hair cut, blow dry combo and think "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU SMOKING?!" I also think the same thing.

- Allow yourself to judge those by your own opinion not someone Else's.. All of a sudden all the people friends of mine hated have turned out to be not as bad as they played out... so... what the fuck gives

- I don't fuck around with ouija boards.. I don't know what is going on outside of this world,  I'm also not dumb enough to fuck around with something I am unsure about ESPECIALLY something that could seriously FUCK SHIT UP if its true.... Like I clearly wouldn't try and attempt to fix an air conditioning unit because I don't know what the fuck they are about... and honestly you really don't want to know me when there is no A/C

- My spirit animal is an owl... whats yours?

- Don't continue to pursue a relationship with someone if they have already told you they aren't interested.

- When you are out of town, or some place new in general.. it is a nice thing to think of friends/family while you are at a gift shop. People love to know you thought of them while you were away.

- Walmart is the melting pot for the most interesting people on the planet.

- noel fielding in the big fat quiz of the year makes a shitty year worth it completely

Ollie, my great dane son's birthday was on the 15th. Monday we took him to the dog park with a friend of mine who was nice enough to let ollie steal his whole back seat for the trip.