We don't wait till the sun comes up...

 

- If shit hasn't hit the fan, it isn't officially a Monday yet.

- The reason why you haven't found a decent guy is because you fuck him the first day you meet him

- I don't know if I'm jealous or genuinely upset/sad that some of my friends grew apart from me..

- I don't think anyone wants to lose someone that has been around for more than 3 years, change sucks sometimes but its necessary for moving on to the next level.

- People say "anything is possible" but that is so depending on what you want. I don't think its possible to bring someone back from the dead, or travel back in time. That's like trying to convince me unicorns are real.

Don't know how true this actually but lets stop all the hatin' and start more anticipating fellas... 

- If you spend most of your time arguing with your significant other you are officially in an emotionally abusive relationship. 

- If your significant other does anything physically aggressive that is not asked to be done by you personally, then you are officially in an abusive relationship. 

- If you picture pushing your significant others face into the dash board or anything of the sort, you probably don't have the healthiest relationship....

- I've kinda always wanted to be best friends with a dude that later on down the road realized how awesome I am and then did this epic 80's movie "win her over" scene. I think a lot of this has to do with the movies I watch...

- Why is it my toaster never accurately toasts toast? It's either too burnt or not toasted enough

- I don't like my sweet tea to be too sweet, who ever makes it too sweet, has a sugar addiction and needs to see a Doctor. There is officially more sugar than tea in this cup.. and that's not what tea is about...

- I think everyone changes after you get out of a relationship but there are two things you have to remember.

1. The change must always be for the better, never for worse.

2. You must never forget your foundation as a person.

- When ever I get asked "why are you still single?" I always reply with "I live in Miami" 

- Has anyone ever answered that question too honestly? 

"Probably because I'm fucking nuts"

"Maybe because I eat people..."

- Hi my name is Emily and I still ask for star wars toys for my birthday and Christmas..

- I think if you have a penis, it deprives you of vivid dreams. Every time I tell a guy about the dream I had, they look at me like I'm full of shit or crazy... Yeah.. I have dreams I can clearly remember, that are too much like real life... 

- Also, How come I can't ever tell that I'm in a dream? I know dragons don't fucking exist... yet there one is, talking to me... in my dream... shouldn't I know better? 

- I hope that you all know that having a particular kind of guy/girl that you usually go for isn't really the healthiest approach at trying to find someone.

- Every Guy/girl like to flash their attributes. It's a lot like what a peacock does with its feathers.. 

- Has anyone ever said "The book was SO much worse than the movie..."?

- How come you can't get rid of spam mail? I've tried being nice by sending a polite email like "Please stop sending me e-mails.. I don't need to meet new black people" and I've tried a more aggressive approach like "I DON'T HAVE A GOD DAMN PENIS, THEREFOR I DON'T NEED THESE PENIS ENLARGEMENT SUPPLEMENTS!" nothing fucking works... 

- Never... Ever.... Join eharmony or any dating website for that matter. 

Any dating website is the meeting grounds for rapists, escaped convicts and people with fetishes that are too weird to be told face to face. Want to know how I know? 99% of the time they will have you fill out the most rigorous questionnaire.. and no real cheater, liar, crazy person is going to be "truthful" on that shit.. Why? because normal people don't date cheaters, liars and crazy people on purpose... They do it after they someone has completely taken over, and they are too scared to realize that.

- Maybe I did "try" one out and "maybe" that means I'm a rapist/escaped convict/furry lover OR maybe that just means I'll try anything once, and I most definitely wont ever do that again... 

- Don't let whats slowly killing you inside consume you. 

- That most glorious moment when you can CLEARLY see someone singing to themselves... and you know no one ever looks good when they are singing to themselves... 

- A red light should flash when someone says "the hulk is my favorite super hero" Question those fuckers seriously. Smart people will know what I mean by this.. This is not the type of thing you want to over look because it makes them "different" this is kind of different you don't want to be attracted to.. 

- If you haven't already figured out how to figure a person out by the many steps I've listed in these, some hundred posts, here is another key thing. 

Kissing. 

If someone is an aggressive kisser (and not in the good way) they are most likely a pushy person.

If someone is a tease, softly, but a good kisser none the less, they are most likely an interesting soft person.

If someone likes to use too much tongue they know nothing about life at all.

If someone is all about biting, they are usually a flashy type of person.

Bet me I'm wrong.

- There is nothing wrong with having someone as your "rock" or "crutch" but don't abuse them because you think they can handle it... It doesn't mean they can't, it just means you should be more considerate. 

 

- I saw a store manager be a complete fucking dick to someone today at this market I go to for lunch. If it wasn't for the fact he was a client of ours, I would've tapped him on the shoulder and told him to apologize, way old school .. then I would've told him to sit in a corner for 5 minutes till he learned his lesson. 

- Imagine if I really did that though.... 

- I don't agree with arguing or yelling out bad names because you're angry for what ever reason at your significant other, but if you are going to insult someone, specifically a girl... don't use the same fucking words everyone uses like "bitch" or cunt" Use something clever like "Cum rag"

why? because of 2 reasons. 

1. It's going to catch me off guard that you were that clever to come up with something that is still a terrible insult. 

2. There is no way I'll be able to come up with something in that short amount of time that will be equally as great...

- Never call a girl a "cum rag" unless she is, in fact, a cum rag. 

- To all the people who knowingly walk into a facility that is closing in literally 10 seconds to dick around and ask questions, the answer is "YES, we fucking hate you" and you should be sorry for being this fucking stupid. 

- I know you're driving a fire truck and everything but that doesn't mean you have to be a dick about it. Firemen (although attractive in their uniform) have the most pompous attitudes about shit. I hear you and if I could, I would fly over the cars in front of me, but I can't so stop being obnoxious.

- You want to make your girl feel like a million dollars? Tell her she's the best you've ever had... Even if it ain't true, that shit is like unleashing a very sexual dragon...

- Solo, I'm a soloist on a solo list. All live, never on a floppy disk... 

Yeah yeah we're nice guys, UNTIL WE'RE NOT

- I think that your mailbox defines you as a person... Really..

- I want to know why everyone thinks its so fucking important to keep up with celebrities. Some of these people aren't even celebrities by default.. they are people that did some dumb shit in new Mexico.. and now for what ever reason.. people are interested in where they eat... What the fuck is wrong with people.

- I have a friend who lives in the UK who tells me the trending thing for girls there is to use loads of make up, concealer basically, all over the face but mostly on the lips so your face looks like nothing but skin.

I know that sounds terrible, but it got me thinking that... if they thought it was a good idea to do that... it means it's because they are getting male attention from somewhere because of it... which means that men out there, think fucking a clown is hot...

- When I was a kid I was pretty sure I was going to marry Jim Carey even though he was like 20 years older than me... I knew then I needed someone that was funny as fuck, and didn't give a shit about what other people thought.

- If you are positive that what you are doing is the right thing, then you shouldn't feel any doubts about it.

- If you feel doubts about it... then what you are doing is probably a bad idea.

- Its funny how much you can tell about someones laugh. I can pretty much tell if someone is fake just by their laugh.

- It is just as important for friends to like/accept your girlfriend/boyfriend as it would be for family members.

Me, in a nutshell

- If some one's parents are crazy then there is a good chance their offspring inherited the crazy gene. Keep an eye out for crazy tendencies.

- You can't ever force someone to do something. You may only suggest. If they choose to do what you suggested or not is up to them.

- If someone changes their voice dramatically while you are trying to find out if they lied to you or not... there's a good chance they are lying... 

There are 3 things I don't EVER bring up in conversation. Those things are government parties, abortion and religion.

But fuck that shit today.

I just want to say that it is entirely my choice to do what I want with my body. I don't think its very constitutional for a large group of people to tell me what I can and can't do with my own body. All religion aside, how fair is it for someone to tell me I MUST HAVE THIS BABY. Especially, if its someone I have never met before.

That's like telling me I can never wear the color blue or eat chicken ever again.

If I decide to do abort an unborn child anywhere between 1-14 weeks then that is MY choice and I am the only one that's ever going to have to live with it. Not you... not anyone else.

Now I've never had an abortion before because I've been smart enough to protect myself in more than one way and maybe if I ever do get pregnant, an abortion would be last on my list. I was born with the capabilities to see other sides of the story. Which makes me think that people who run this shit into the ground are just people who lack the ability to empathize.  I can see why someone who was raped might want to abort their unborn child. I can see why someone would want to abort an unborn child that was most likely going to have a mental/physical defect. No woman wants to go full term to give birth to a baby that's going to die seconds after leaving the womb. That's 9 whole months of love and anticipation. 9 whole months of hope.

I can also relate to woman who do it because their douche bag boyfriend backed out at the last moment. That shit is scary as fuck! I give a lot of credit to woman who do it alone but I can see why a girl would do it.

My point is this subject itself is not just black or white.. there is a lot of grey area in between and you need to understand, and empathize with people that are seeing this as an option.

- Some people need a moment to think about things in order to get the right answer. I am one of these people. So I think you should just back off a second and let me think about this.

- You know how some people speak at a higher tone sometimes and you stare at them like a fire truck just roared past?

- A British accent (or any accent that isn't a Hispanic one) is so sexy that it might even make a girl/guy over look your mediocre looks.

So last nights episode of the "Walking dead" was amazing as usual for the final season. I just have some questions now..

For instance, Shane became a zombie after he died but wasn't it like he was becoming insane anyways? So what would've happened if he didn't die? Would he just become crazy?

Lori, which is Ricks wife, has got to be the most perfect example of woman. God damn fucking stupid and unreasonable, unpredictable and conniving... Didn't she, like two episodes ago tell rick, in a not so subtle way to basically kill Shane? What the fuck is she so pissed about?

Someone needs to put Carl on a leash. I know that's not a question but seriously... 

Why isn't Andrea dead?

You cried when Daryl picked up carol didn't you?

Black people can officially say that a nigga didn't die in the first portion of a movie/show even though Theodore doesn't really have that great of a role anyways.

Hershel Wooped some ass but even the dumbest person in Miami knows that a shot gun doesn't have unlimited ammo...

- I used to have snake bites cause I thought they would look good with my mouth full of braces... that is... until I cracked my tooth while biting down on some food. Now I realize how much of a stupid idea that was...

But I still have my nipples pierced cause that shit is sexy...

- Hey ladies, you know that freeing feeling when a dude single-handedly unhooks your bra? #shitsabouttogodown

- How about that moment when a dude tries to single handedly unhook your bra and fails, so he tries with both of his hands, and still fails and you're like "fuck it, I'll do it"...... -__- 

- All joking aside I wouldn't get an abortion if Dallas Green raped me... 

Makes me laugh.

when the sun comes up, you will realize you were wrong..

- When you are in a relationship... Your mouth is not allowed on other people.. unless its to resuscitate them.

- Every dude wants the answer to the question "Did you just swallow it?" to be "Yeah, what else was I gonna do with it?"

- If you have to BEG a girl to come over, You're trying too hard dude.

- Here is a dudes equation to getting a girl to sleep with them, or at least get some sort of action

Make out sesh: 10 seconds

Boobie fondle: 10 seconds

Vaginal rub: If she's enjoying it, green light.

First off, this isn't fucking science alright. I have a body here... with feelings... I realize that these steps have to go in this order because it would be just weird if a guy came up to me and was just randomly fondling my tits... but it is literally the same fucking thing every time. You can't just play with me like I'm some sort of toy you gotta piece together. Alright? I come with instructions... read them first.

- By the same token, If you have a girl begging to come over... you're doing it right dude.

- Some people don't like hearing that they are big pieces of shit, but that's what you get for being a big piece of shit.

- Cheaters are not tolerated here, they just aren't.

- Some people hate change so much they will cancel their gym membership.

- Learn to get really good at giving people a taste of their own medicine with out coming off as a bitch while doing it.

-  What possesses people to publicly talk about their decision to have an on and off relationship with their anti-depressants?

- I think I'm not getting through to my friends about what type of dude I like cause every time they say "I know the perfect guy for you" I'm usually really confused.

- 2 months is entirely too long to wait to shave.

- Here is how hateful people are in Miami. I witnessed a professional bicyclist fall off their bike at a red light (why? I don't know) and when they fell the light turned green and the SUV behind them honked their horn...

- "No but seriously, korn helped me get through some legit rough patches"

- Question: If I like vintage porn does that make me a hipster?

- Internet Explore is desperate... they tried using a dubstep track in their campaign commercial... No Microsoft.... just no.

- If you really think about it guys, if AOL tried pulling that shit you think people would starting using it again?

- Thank you AMC

- I am strangely turned on by oddly shaped penises.. I'm not saying your average penis isn't good enough, I'm just simply stating a personal fact.

- Okay really, seriously ask yourself this...

What if Jesus was someone from the future?

Mind fuck.

- It's bad some of the images that flash in my head when someone does something stupid.

- I spent a good deal of my childhood trying to attract boys by being into legos, baseball and being really involved in goose bumps. I know that sounds like I should be someone interesting but... I'm kind of boring... and if I'M kind of boring... imagine the rest of the vagina out there...

- Hey my name is Emily and I don't want your boyfriend.

- Sometimes, at random relevant times of my day, I will hear obi wan kenobi in my head. I know its just cause I've seen a new hope like a million times but there is also a part of me that just thinks its the force inside me... and yes... it is strong.

- You never want to delete your proof. Even though it's hard to wait to catch someone in a lie, if you can hold out till you have perfect, solid proof your validation will be that much sweeter thus leaving you victorious.

- You also never want to have that one open door that a professional liar can open. Most professional liars can talk their way out of anything, and make it seem like you were the one that fucked up some how. Cover all bases people. Cause professional liars are out there, and you will almost never find them out if you aren't smart enough.

- When did I start following Jay-Z on twitter?

- I don't think I've ever once been to a movie theater that didn't have at least one loud obnoxious dick.

- Question: how is Nicolas cage still making movies?

- I don't think losing someone that clearly isn't worth another second of your time isn't the worst thing that could ever happen to you

- Everyone comes with a 6th sense. Some are more in tuned with it than others. This is that hair raising feeling you get that something isn't right. Never, Ignore that.

- There is a "self portrait" picture limit that I don't think anyone knows about. It's in the rule book of posting pictures. Your limit is a max of 3 photos a day. If you post more than that you are just a moron and need to start being a little more productive with your time.

- This is of course its because you are showing off some new item or piece of clothing.

- My accurate critique on the new movie "silent house"?

Cinematography was orgasmic. Not for most people who don't understand the use of dept of field.

Question, if it sounded like your dad fell down a flight of stairs would you hesitate for about 15 minutes? Yeah... I didn't think so...  I know it would be boring as fuck but imagine a horror movie that did everything right...

- I wonder what people think when they hear someone say "I don't have a tumblr cause its too trendy" cause I'm thinking "Doesn't that kind of make you trendy for not having one?"

- Also, next time you find yourself bored as shit on all the "trendy" websites take it home and check your local Craigslist ads, you will NOT be disappointed...

 

 

 

Yeah.... these people are out there... scary right? 

Anonymous


Any tips/advice for getting over a failed relationship, which was pretty doomed from day one?! Together for 3 months then broke up and became on and off for the remaining 6 months.Says he was "in love" with me but actions showed otherwise. Ended very bad

A lot of times what people miss, even though the relationship was a shitty one, is just the simpleness of having someone around to talk to and care about. Some people need this so much that they will put up with a terrible relationship if it means they will have something to occupy their time. Advice for getting over it would be to start doing things to get your mind off of them.

 When you break up with someone, there really is no need to continue seeing/talking to them. Unless they realize the mistake they made and change. Other than that I always tell my ex's "I'm here if you need someone to talk to or need help" but I never make an attempt at conversation again.

A lot of dudes like having relationships that don't have any strings attached which means he can do anything he wants with out there being any repercussions. If you are able to set yourself apart from having deep feelings for this person then the "on and off" thing can happen.

Forget what he told you because it either was a lie, or his view on "love" is just very different from yours. No one is worth feeling hurt over unless its someone that died. When things don't work out for me I try to occupy my time by seeing friends, going to the movies or even sleeping more often. 

Do you have a question that needs to be answered? Go ahead and formspring me

- Mondays are general "fuck up" days.

- Don't rush some one when what ever their doing requires concentration. I don't rush you, so don't rush me okay?

- Question: When did it become cool to openly talk about how your a cuter? Is this another trend like triangle tattoos?

- Also... when dudes utter "Did you cum yet?" or "are you close?" makes me lose any type of sexual feeling and I want to officially get your dick out of me.

- I often wonder if pitbull is as famous in other places as he is here.

- Sometimes I will let an idiot slide with certain mistakes because I just tell myself "he's not smart enough to know better" but if they make the same mistake twice I will point out how completely fucking stupid you are.

These are the Six types of Love:

Eros

a passionate physical and emotional love based on aesthetic enjoyment; stereotype of romantic love

Ludus

a love that is played as a game or sport; conquest; may have multiple partners at once

Storge

an affectionate love that slowly develops from friendship, based on similarity

Pragma

love that is driven by the head, not the heart

Mania

obsessive love; experience great emotional highs and lows; very possessive and often jealous lovers

Agape

selfless altruistic love; spiritual

 

- Dear writers of "the walking dead"

FUCKING FINALLY SOMEONE DIES.

It wasn't exactly who I was hoping for and I know you know who I mean, fucking blonde bitch, but You gave me what I wanted... and I appreciate that.

Sincerely, Emily.

- Woman like passionate sex even if you aren't really serious about each other. You can't ever make sex about you, It has to always be about who you are fucking and that goes for both sexes.

- I am convinced bitter people who do nothing but shit on your happiness were bullied as a child. Some on straight up stole their yo yo

- I think child rapists should be raped in the ass with a giant splintered 2X4 daily while wearing a dress. These are people that make me wonder what in the fuck type of purpose were they supposed to serve. Like what was their reason for being here on this earth?

- Is it bad that I wish all murderers murdered the right people? Like child rapists?

- If I have done nothing but repeat the same sentence or word for the last 15 minutes of our conversation, it means I am no longer interested in talking so you should stop trying to make the conversation more interesting.

- I think everyone was born with a little bit of ADD. I'm convinced that's just a medical term for "I only pay attention when It's something I might be interested in"

- Not down with dudes/girls who continue to shit on their decent relationships. I think you don't deserve them, and I am not afraid to admit that in public and by public I mean by telling your significant other.

 

I don't feel sorry about it, it does nothing for me. 

- If you can't handle the repercussions of your actions than you need to re-think your strategy

- You're a moron if you ignore an email from a girl that says "your boyfriend is cheating on you with me", or something along those lines.  Nobody does that shit cause their jealous, they do that shit cause it's true. 

Why? because no smart girl is going to try and sabotage your already shitty relationship so she can get with someone who cheated on you with them. That's an oxymoron.

- Expect people to be in a shitty mood on Monday just like you would expect people to be in a happy mood on Friday. 

- If you are dating people younger than 22 you should prepare for the drama to follow.

- I could very well write a 500 page book about facebook rules, but I don't have the mental strength to put the effort into that. I will say this, Can you fucking stop it with the cliff hanger status updates?

"Sometimes... it's like I'm holding a gun"

Oh... kay... what? what does that even mean!? WHY?! WHY DO I NEED THIS IN MY STATUS FEED!? GET IT OFF...

- I'm not an insagram pro or anything but can we stop with the posting of pictures that are clearly from your DSLR and NOT your iPhone? 

- Catching people off guard means your interesting and mysterious and people love that shit.

- If you've had sex with more than 5 people, then you are officially more attractive than the average person. This is a true fact I made up.

- No I have not had sex with more than 5 people.

- You will not prove that you are an amazing person by commenting on all of your significant others photo's and status updates. What you will prove is that your insecure as fuck, so stop. 

- Any dude will look over any completely fucked up situation if their girlfriend is a "10" I call this the trophy complex. These dudes will say "Yes" to open relationships for the girl only or threesomes with another male. These dudes will Turn their face when their trophy girlfriend is being polished by another dude. Wake up bro, you're better than that. 

- I don't know how it is anywhere else, so I am speaking for the people in Miami Florida. It is a nice thing for a dude to open doors for me. I'm not lazy and I'm not from some sort of royal family. I just like for a dude to treat me like a lady and Its called chivalry. I think a lot of girls don't know that because it is unlikely for a dude to be educated in chivalry here in south Florida. That's not your fault dudes, that's your parents fault. but now you are reading this blog, and now you know... and knowing is half the battle.

- I'll be the first to say I love getting penis pictures but there is a time and place for that. If you JUST started talking to a girl, wait until she asks for it. This type of thing is like giving a serious present too soon. It kind of freaks us out...

- Subsequently I am terrified of only ever being some dudes "play thing" rather than someone that actually matters.

- You know that moment when you think you've found the most perfect parking spot only to find out a fiat or smart car is parked there. It's a lot like almost about to orgasm but then someone switches shit up and completely ruins the moment.

Here is my movie critique on the first sex in the city movie.

Okay, so you are telling me that carrie (the main blonde chick) waited 10 years for this dude to marry her. 10 years of an on and off relationship where he cheated and treated her like shit. and she told this dude "yes" and then she was surprised when he left her at the alter? 

you know crazy religious folk fucking complain about how gory or how dangerous some movies are but look at the fucking subliminal messages these fucking chick flicks are giving.

THEN she finally gets over him... moves on.. seems a bit bitter but fuck it.. shes got her own thing going on but the second he does something "nice" like take a girl to the emergency room when her water broke (fuck even I would do that) she's back in his arms like nothing happened.

a million dollar wedding... down the drain.

10 years... of her life... waiting for this dude to change.

Your telling me a smart journalist from New York is going to take him back?

MAYBE....

someone from the middle of America where the population is like 5 but not some sophisticated educated broad.

The oldest one is the one that surprises me the most. Shes like 60... some odd... thousand years old and still hasn't figured her shit out? by that age you are either married or have 50 cats. 

What shouldeve happened was after the first time this dude left her she shouldeve moved on to someone who wouldn't. Period. Now some blonde toothless woman is thinking "well if it worked for her, then its gotta work for us baby!" :face palm:

- I'm sorry I know that was long but its really all ridiculous