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Tuesday, March 12, 2013

I only have eyes....



Obviously I am a shitty person because today isn't Monday.. its Tuesday.

My peace offering is this amazing song by Loveskills called "Genorate"


 "If you want a jet plane
I’ll be the one to fly for you"



- I realize that I have friends who don't believe the same things I do. Maybe I am an asshole for pointing the ridiculous shit out but, come on people... stop being so fucking stupid. 

Porn doesnt kill marriages. What an absurd way to think. Thats just like saying scary movies ruin friendships


A sex addicted mate is what ruins your marriage. You're insecurities that hold you back is also a really shitty thing to have when you are supposedly with the one that knows you the best. If you cant explore your sexuality with your mate then you probably shouldn't marry them

Anyone who says "It's not about the sex" is a fucking moron. It is about sex, among other things, but most importantly good sex! 



Porn isn't even fucking real. It's fake! it's two people you have never met before, fucking each other [in good or shitty lighting] how in the fuck is that going to "kill" your marriage? 

If thats true then so can reality shows, or any show on tv for that matter. 

P.S masturbation is totally fucking normal. Maybe it stings that they aren't getting off to your image but you can't tell me you haven't had dreams of fucking different people. [literal dreams not metaphorically] 

- If I tell you "Don't spoil anything for me" then that means "Don't spoil anything for me" it doesn't mean "please tell me all about the entire plot and crazy ending" Same reason why "no" means "no". Not "Sometimes maybe if I'm having a good day" for Christ sake. 

- Whole foods carries organic Tampons... 



- I dated a dude once that told me "If you don't throw away the vibrator I bought you, I'm going to break up with you." If a dude [or a girl] ever says that to you... give them the finger. 

- Document EVERYTHING. 



- The people you NEED in your life are the ones you can be totally fucking weird around. You need people who can relate. Who are older, and more experienced. Who can teach you things, because people respect that. 

- I can't imagine feeling so unhappy that death is my only option.



- Relationships work 2 way. Which means that there are always 2 reasons why things don't work out between the both of you. It is NEVER one sided. 

For example: If you leave someone because they cheated on you, then you leave them for two reasons. 
1. Because they cheated on you. 
2. Because you can't handle dating a cheater.

You won't ever accept the fact that they laid their hands on someone else and that is totally fine and justified. It is just another way of looking at things. 



- Family will disappoint you. They are people. There is no reason you should feel the need to stick around when someone [anyone regardless of blood] is totally treating you like a cum rag. 

- The entire internet is a bunch of bullshit really when you think about it. People actually think it ruins relationships. People think Facebook ruins relationships. Which makes sense because people believe in ghosts, aliens, God, The devil, Some people even think starwars is an actual religion. 

Some people think they can fly. They are usually unsuccessful. 



- I think I can rule out why murderes kill people in the middle of the night or morning... 

There is a sweet sweet moment, its a short moment when someone wakes you up right before your alarm goes off. This hatred you feel is so much.. that murder seems like the only option. I know this.. because I felt it this morning. [No one was injured in the making of this blog]

- I realize there are some girls that use panty liners on the daily because their PH balance is WAY the fuck off which is a perfect indicator that you should see A FUCKING DOCTOR. Panty liners aren't cheap man... 

- I feel super weird picking out my cucumbers. I mean I really examine them. I check the firmness. I check the girth. I mean I like my cucumbers big and thick. I think everyone around me is judging me and my ability to pick out cucumbers. 
 

- Guys HAVE to know they have a tiny penis right? I mean you have to. I've never seen little dick porn. I mean I know it exists but.... You just have to know that you have a tiny penis. You have to gauge from all the porn you watch, I refuse to think that you think you are "Average"

- Rearrange your room. It's time for a change that's not too shocking.

- You can't possibly think that by doing shitty things to people [because they do them to you] will get you anywhere in life. Being bitter takes so much more effort then just not giving a shit and doing what YOU feel like doing. Nice people get way farther in life. Trust me.

- Hey. Maybe this is just me but if your dog hasn't eaten anything for a week and hasn't had anything to drink in the last 4 days, maybe you should've seen a doctor sooner and not at the last moment when the dog is about to die. Again this is just my opinion.

- It's time to grow up man. It's time to just rely on yourself to make the RIGHT decision.

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