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Monday, July 28, 2014

Parking lot







-       It would really suck to be stuck in my head all day.
-       I’m gonna take a wild guess and say that the “50 shades of grey” movie is going to blow 10 thousand dicks. 


-       Don’t sell yourself short by settling for something that isn’t exactly what you hoped for.
-       What you really need is someone that understands your specific type of mental retardation. 


-       People who can wax their own vaginas are on a whole other level.
-       I am not on that level guys…
-       What the fuck do people do to plan weddings? Like seriously, when my parents chose me they left out the wedding planning package… 



-       Everyone knows if you chop off the top of a pineapple and stick it in a pot, it will grow another pineapple BUT water it 3 times a day when it starts to form and your pineapple will double in size!
-       Don’t ever feel like just because you like something different, makes you weird or disgusting.. you are who you are, you are just WAY more sexually advanced than most people.


-       You should always feel like you are on a team with someone you’re dating. If its one sided that shit is not going to work.
-       There are simple rules to follow when you’re alive and they are all very basic. Stop making everything so fucking complicated.


-       Everyone needs to stop being in such a rush to marry someone. I used to always say when people talked about having kids “I just want to find someone who wont leave me” You’re allowed to have that. You’re allowed to have someone that is everything you ever hoped for. Don’t just stay around because the other person is momentarily the person you kinda dreamt of. 
-       When people come over they’re always like “Wow emily it doesn’t smell like you have a cat here….” And all I can ever think is… ‘What the fuck are people doing with their cats shit box?’ seriously I clean my cats litter box every 2 days… are you like not doing it for weeks or something????

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