Emily is a Secret

headache from hell

2012-02-06T16:34:00.000-08:00

- I hate when people say "but that was before your time" its like saying "your too young and dumb to understand" no bitch... your too fucking old! I think I know who fucking Led Zepplin is.

- Even the worlds biggest asshole will pucker up to a hot sweet lady. Which is why you should always be polite and friendly.

- I don't have to jump when you say jump. Sometimes I will put off doing certain tasks for certain people I don't like because its a nice adult way of giving someone the middle finger.

- Someone that cares about you in general wont do the following things:

- Never answer your urgent calls, or any calls in general.

- Never hangs out with you outside of one specific area.

- Make you feel like shit or doesn't care about your feelings in general.

- Not take your opinion into consideration at all.

- Doesn't feel greatful for any thing you do for them.

These people you should cut out of your life completely. EVEN if they are family. There is no point to keeping someone you are not benefiting by phsyically or emotionaly.

- Friends call friends sometimes just to talk. Thats a normal friend thing to do.

- People tell me "I'm not a phone person"... all I hear is "I'm weird so don't talk to me anymore or you'll regret it"

- If some asshole drops you off the face of the earth be happy they did you the favor.

- Girls will lie about how great the sex is with you because sex will NOT get better by telling a dude they fucking suck. Don't tell me it will because you cant even take directions right. "Slow down" "SHH!" Ive never seen a dude get so frustrated when you are trying to explain what you want in bed, this isn't a fucking circus act, its fucking sex. Jesus.

- That is the reason we are always asking "do you like it?" during any sort of sexual act.

- I told my friend that if I ever got to the point of not be able to get out of bed because of how fat I get her duty as a friend to me would be to lock me in a dungeon and feed me crackers until I wither away into nothing.

- Dude your dick will never be great enough to cry over. Just know that.

- When my friends recite things I've already posted on my like they never read it to begin with, like they just had an epiphany, I will say "You should read this blog I found on the internets. Its full of things you should know"

- I don't like playing games. I'll tell you why... you know that one dude that plays world of war craft for a living? I mean hes so fucking good at the game that the game pays him to play? that's why I don't play "the game"... because I'm so fucking good at it.. that the game pays me.

- Never NEVER depend on anyone but yourself. You are the only reliable source in your life. If you can't do something by yourself, then don't do it.

- The expression "some people just never learn" is a lazy persons excuse to not grow up and change.

- Men are the most simple human beings to figure out. They are usually up front about their personality, I rarely ever find a dude that's fake about his persona. this is why I don't believe when a girl acts like they didn't know their dude was a lazy fuck from the start.

- Girls, on the other hand, can be fake as fuck from the start.

- You're an asshole if you answer a question as if there was some magical way I could have found out the answer. If I knew the fucking answer, don't you think I wouldn't be asking? and why do you have to be the prick that just can't answer the fucking question.

- I should have been a lot cooler when I was younger but my parents put me in a shitty school in the middle of farm land... nothing exciting to see here folks.. move along.

- I am not an asshole for putting your idiocy on blast. If you can't take a joke then you seriously need to lighten up dude.

- People ask "why am I so dumb?" you always reply "You just are..."

- Woman hang out with cute well behaved babies and their ovaries almost instantly start shooting out eggs.

- If you have a shitty waiter, make him feel like and even bigger piece of shit and leave a nice note that states they should smile more.

- I always leave my waiter notes. Why? because I'm fucking awesome.

- Wait, so what happened in the black swan?

- Oh so we're playing that game now... when we act like we are 5 years old its all about you. Were in 'youville' oh okay... can you point me to your nearest fucking exit?

- The more you ignore a situation that needs to be addressed, the more cowardly you look and NO DUDE wants to look like a coward. Want to know why? because pussies are cowards. That's right... big ol' pussies.

so rude!

2012-01-30T16:28:00.000-08:00

- Someone needs to make an "option to skip" button for Monday's

- I really can't stand food scents on people. People who wear cotton candy perfume or apple cider cologne are fucking nasty.

- The toughest thing in life is saying goodbye to something you don't want to say goodbye to.

- My grandma is always telling me "You better take something from me or else you wont have anything to remember me by" I always reply with "I have memories and that's enough for me" mainly because I don't have room for her couch in my room or her vanity but there is also another point to this. I think as humans we hold on way too tight to material shit.

- I hate when people don't respect your personal space. I don't need you to hover over me when I'm reading or eating. Seriously, am I THAT fucking interesting?

- I also think its extremely rude for someone to snap or clap to get your attention when you are on the phone. What are you 5? Wait till I'm done dick face.

- I hate feeling spiteful or hatred towards someone. Not because they don't deserve it or anything but more because if someone did something that fucked up to me, then I shouldn't even give them the decency of feeling anything towards them.

- We rely too much on time.

- You are the creator of your life. You build your own roads and decide on where to go. Don't go down a road based on how well it will suit someone else because in the end you will feel like a failure because of it.

- There is a difference between being a nice/caring person and bending over backwards for someone. being nice and caring is acceptable and a nice act of kindness. Bending over backwards shows you are a kiss ass or whooped and that is fucking pathetic.

- People will be people and in case you didn't know, people are fuckers, unreliable and assholes so don't be surprised.

- I've realized that pathological liars are the most easiest liars to figure out because they lie about the most asinine shit like how their dog suddenly grew wings and was able to fly.

- Here is how you know someones weird. If they like weird shit, then they are weird people. This is completely depending on the person who is judging. For example... If someone says "I don't like the consistency of hamburgers" I'm personally going to think you are weird and was probably force fed hamburgers as a child, BUT if this person said this to a vegetarian or a vegan or someone who also didn't like the consistency of hamburgers then maybe they wouldn't looks so weird.

in all honesty, you're fucking weird if you don't like hamburgers...

- I feel like people that constantly have plumbers butt know their ass crack is showing and they just like the breeze it gets when their pants are semi-down. Since I'm positive this is the case, PLEASE... DO THAT SHIT ON YOUR OWN TIME NOT IN PUBLIC.

- OH look at you.. so cool and hip because you don't use razors or wax your fucking bohemian ass hair. You want a gold coin for being the hairiest woman alive? NO! YOU WONT! WHY DON'T YOU GO BACK TO YOUR HOME ON WHORE ISLAND!

- Penises are like a wide variety of GI-JOE characters.

- If you made the decision to have children then you have voluntarily signed the "It's time to grow up" form. Seriously, no one forced you to have kids, and they definitely didn't ask you to be born so fucking man up and take responsibility for your fucking sperm/eggs

- If you are worried because you might "lose your job" get the fuck over it dude... its just a fucking job.

- I wish I had more children in my life because their definitions for certain words are fucking hilarious.

- I also can't tell the future. I know it may seem like it can because I can read people very well, and I am usually always right, but that's just because I'm smart. Not because I have some 6th sense.

- Sometimes I wonder if I'm just REALLY mature for my age or everyone else around me in the same age group are a bunch of fucking morons and I'm actually at the right mental stand point for my age.

- When someone brags about how many millions of years they've had in experience in some kind of trade or what have you, the only way you can tell for sure is how many fucked up stories they have from being in that trade for so god damned long. If they don't have any, then run far away.

- If a company can't function with out you, then you have done your job right.

Me and my best friend.. yep.

- There is a time and place for everything and your timing is WAY off if you think now's the time to tell me you have some weird ball dropping disorder or droopy penis skin inflammation.

- JUST BECAUSE a dude asks you for your number and wants to hang out doesn't mean hes interested.......... right?

- Here is how you know someone is trying to be a dick to you, and only you... Try minding your own business and show minimal interest in ANYTHING they have to say or do and see how upset they get at you. If I didn't give a fuck about your weekend last week what makes you think I fucking give a shit now?

- I can't read minds, I just cant.. I don't know what gave you the impression that I do, but just so we're clear... I DON'T READ MINDS.

- Would you really be that upset if you died while having an orgasm?

- Yeah... I talk about sex... a lot... you say it like its a bad thing...

- I think the wrong way to react to a compliment is to say "I know... fucking duh"

- The rules are simple.. if you're nice to me.. I'm nice to you.

If your an asshole to me.. I'm an asshole to you

If you really suck in bed, I'm going to be as equally bad...

I'm like a human mirror.

- I'm gonna say it because maybe I'm the only one with balls enough to fucking admit it but drawn on eyebrows are fucking... terrible. JUST FUCKING TERRIBLE unless you are a cross dresser or in some kind of costume show... STOP IT..

When life gives you lemons

2012-01-23T17:17:00.000-08:00

- If you like the person you are fucking.. you should know that every girl likes to still feel wanted romantically after sex. Pull her towards you, play with her hair, rub her arm.. kiss her forehead. Don't act like a dead log.

- Valentines day Is coming and I bet you are flipping out trying to make dinner reservations...

save yourself the trouble and make dinner at home.. Make a tent in the middle of your living room or where ever the tv is and watch a movie together.

Flowers? sure...

You want to get her a gift.. check out these cute ass things from etsy..

here

-Don't ask why bitch, ask why not.

-No but seriously, stop asking why shit keeps happening because YOU allow it.

- You have to enjoy the tiny moments because when you die and your life flashes before your eyes its going to be one short boring movie.. and NO ONE likes those kinds of movies.

- If you act like you have a big penis, subconsciously your penis will grow 8 inches.

- SO perfect morning = Sex, breakfast and collata

- First, to figure out what a girl likes in bed you MUST observe completely when you go slow or fast. Depending on her reaction, you will get a better idea as to what she really likes. Just because a girl moans when you are jack hammering her DOESN'T mean that's what she prefers. KEY WORD is "prefer" That means that jack hammering may be nice once in a while.. but not all the time.

- Don't be afraid, Be prepared.

- A woman wants to feel safe and secure emotionally and financially. That is an important quality all SMART woman look for in a mate. If we don't feel safe, then we feel vulnerable and what happens to vulnerable things in the wild?

- Just like every dude wants a woman who is kind and nurturing.

- I think as a dude, it is important for you not to be afraid of anything or at least act like it. Own up to your balls dude!

- Its a bad idea to give a dude the time of day that totally ditched you for a dumb reason last week. Fuck that guy.

- I have a very low tolerance for people who beg for advice and then never follow it. I just took the effort to care about you and you shit on my chest. You totally deserve whats coming to you.

- I am all for sexuality and embracing it any way you can. I am NOT for sexual shit that 16 year olds spread on the Internet. YOU HAVEN'T EVEN GROWN INTO YOUR VAGINA BITCH! COVER YOUR TITS!

- "I was concentrating on fucking you, not breathing... I'm pretty sure that's why I have a head ache right now"

- You are a dick if you have no idea how to keep in touch with friends..

- You ever need to apologize for something always apologize with this expression "I am sorry about *insert mistake here* It WONT happen again" You obviously have to mean it, but that's not the point.. the point is that no one can continue to be angry at someone who says "it will never happen again"

- I love Adelle,

really... but they are really fucking over doing it by playing her music on every single station.

- When you are young, you approach relationships in this order:

Get to know each other, date then fuck.

When you are older you approach relationships like this:

Fuck, get to know each other... then date.

- I think glasses make you smart... yeah, I said it... they make you smart.

- I hate when people fuck up expressions. Its like nails on chalk board.

Someone said to me today "I hate to beat a blind horse"

What the fuck really? that doesn't even make sense! Not that beating a dead horse makes sense either but a blind one?

- Maybe I like shitty shows... Maybe I work all damn day and want to come home and catch up on some vampire diaries...

- I read a health magazine today that stated "Giving heals" it said that "giving what you can, physically and emotionally can heal your emotional wounds" I agree with this.

- I think its sad that some people cant even rely on their friends for a favor.

- I have accepted the fact that I was at one point in my life listening (and enjoying) limp bizcut and linkin park. Don't judge me okay? I was also listening to glassjaw, across five aprils and poison the well before all you fucks

- You gotta understand this, and I mean it in the nicest way possible... NOBODY gives a SHIT about your past. In other words your boss, who knows nothing about your personal life, doesn't care enough to know what type of trials and tribulations bullshit you've been through in the past

- You ever think of something so fucking vial and rude that you just cant help but laugh because you can't believe you were smart enough to say something like that...

- I hate when I say something isn't fair, and they reply with "Well, life's not fair" Fuck you bitch...

- If someone gives you a complement, the right way to react is reply with a come back compliment... even if its a fucking lie.

- I don't understand how people can run away from their problems because I am the type of person that deals with it head on. If you don't deal with your problems this way, they will linger on forever...

I can discover my religion

2012-01-22T15:40:00.000-08:00

Anon asks: "Why is it so easy for some people to have casual sex and not get feelings afterwards whereas others are very affected by it"

Some people can have sex with out strings attached and some just can't. Its all just about preference. Usually people who have sex casually, have sex with other people who are with in the same mind set. I still think its just as important to let it be known from the beggining that this type of behavior is either tollerated or not. In other words if you are the type of person to have casual sex with out any sort of emotional feeling behind it, You should let your partner know.

There is NOTHING wrong with casual sex as long as no body is getting hurt and you are being protected. Just like there is nothing wrong with having meaningful sex with someone you care about. Neither one of these are a bad thing, It just depends on the person. It doesn't make you a slut or a whore, it just makes you someone who likes to casually have sex.

The post.

2012-01-21T15:27:00.001-08:00

I have been known to look through craigslist for some shady shit.. I mean I live in Miami.. it's not uncommon.. How ever a friend of mine posted this entry on her blog that someone submitted and I thought it to be quite funny..

Observations on sex from a single woman – w4m

Date: 2009-09-07, 11:22PM EDT

So, I’m a single, classy, well-educated, professional, in shape, cool woman… I’m dating and on the somewhat rare occasions when I meet somebody cool… someone I connect to and have chemistry with… I have sex. Here are some observations and tips for you guys from a somewhat sexually frustrated woman:

1.) Condoms are a must… wear it and shut the fuck up about it. I haven’t had sex without one in over 10 years and I deal with it, so can you. Your shit is just not great enough for me to even consider having that kind of trust with you, especially the first few times we hook up. I mean, seriously. Yes I know it feels better and it’s hard (no pun intended) for you to cum when you’re wearing one. That just means you’re not working hard enough for the orgasm… you’re lazy. Get in there and work it out, dammit. Others have been successful and so can you. Which leads me to #2…
2.) You put a condom on and your shit just goes limp. You have a hot-ass girl wanting your dick inside her… you see her there laying in front of you, looking at you with “that look,” and you can’t get hard? Again, put some heart into it. You inevitably say, “I hate these things.” I don’t care. Stop thinking about the fucking condom and make it work. Seriously.
3.) You’re in the zone, working it out… good shit. But I say, “Hold on, can I get some KY real quick?” Stop getting pissed off and/or offended… You say, “How come you’re not wet?” Um, I am, or I was, but after a good amount of time, rubber dries, which contributes to me drying out, and it fucking hurts. I WANT you to keep fucking me… I just want to get some fucking lube. I have your best interests at heart too, believe me. A little bit of lube never hurt anybody.
4.) Sometimes I just want the dick… I don’t want oral sex. It’s not that you’re bad or good at it, I’m just not in the mood… I just want your cock. Just an FYI.
5.) It takes me a good amount of time to cum… it just does. Believe me… if I want you to stop, you’ll know it. If I don’t say anything or push you the fuck off me, just keep going. Pay attention to my facial expressions (open mouth, no sound coming out, but it looks like I’m screaming = good)… my feet (when my toes start to curl, keep doing whatever you’re doing)… my hands and fingers and grip (if I’m kind of holding your hips at a certain angle… follow my lead).
6.) Go ahead… grip me up a little (but, there is a fine line… don’t cross it). Grab my hair… grab the back of my head… make me feel hot and wanted… it’s fucking hot and I love it. Start gently and see what happens…
7.) Reverse cowgirl just doesn’t work for everybody. It’s not my thing.
8.) Tell me how good I feel… sigh… make a little noise. I don’t need to hear you roaring like a T.Rex or anything, but don’t be mute. It’s unnerving.
9.) Make me look at you… tell me to open my eyes. But don’t stare like you’re going to drill holes through my head. I sometimes get lost in my own little pleasure world and forget to look at you and watch what you’re doing to me. Remind me.
10.) Boobs can be sensitive at different times of the month… just know that and approach accordingly. I’ll usually let you know ahead of time if I’m sore. Try to remember.
11.) Don’t forget about the neck and ears during sex. That’s when I’m sometimes the most sensitive and it feels amazing having you that close.
12.) Funny noises are going to happen… I might laugh out of minor embarassment and because it’s just funny. It’s okay, you can laugh too. I’m not laughing at you and I’m sorry if it feels that way.
13.) Don’t just jam anything into my ass all random-like. That should be self-evident, but apparently it’s not. That’s just not cool.
14.) I don’t get the finger-licking thing… especially when you just all up and stick your nasty fingers in my mouth.
15.) Having sex when you’re high is one of the best things ever. Just had to say that.
16.) When you start to put your dick inside me for the first time, take that shit slow. Make me ache for it… put the head in slowly and leave it there for a second. Make me lift my hips up and beg for it. Know that at that point, you are in control and we like it. Or at least I do. I want you to understand how good it feels… relish the moment.
17.) Tell me I’m beautiful and that you love my body at least once… This is especially effective when I’m in a weird position where my stomach looks fucking insane from my angle and who knows what it looks like to you. I work out. I’m pretty tight. I can kick some cardio ass. But damn, some positions just make me look crazy.
18.) Nothing gets me hotter than getting a massage, lying on my stomach… and then having you lie down on top of me, putting your head into my neck and nuzzling my ear, gently but confidently wedging my legs apart with your knee and pressing your throbbing hard cock against my ass… I’m toast.
19.) I think about sex just as much as you do, maybe more. I watch porn. I masturbate. I like to have sex… I’m careful and cautious and I have no problem asking you if you’ve ever been tested. If you say, “Yeah… a few years ago,” I’m going to be disappointed. Don’t be offended or pissy that I asked you that. I would expect you to ask me the same thing. If you don’t ask me back, I think that’s a little odd. On that note, if I ask you to check the condom once or twice during sex, just do it. I’m paranoid, but I’m also 31, never been pregnant, and never had an STD. So…
20.) Don’t leave a condom for me to find (or my cat… or my mom who volunteered to clean my house while waiting for me to come home from work one day). You’re usually in charge of the disposal.
Sigh… that felt good.

Location: Philly
it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 1363379397

2012-01-18T15:28:00.000-08:00

Holy shit...

Okay let me explain myself... I've been on vacation....

I know that no fucking excuse but I forgot Monday even fucking existed because of it...

- If you do something completely fucking retarded on drugs then its probably a good idea not to do them anymore. Drugs are kind of stupid in the first place, there's really not a good reason in this world to do them, so if you think about it from a far point of view... its already a dumb idea anyways.. so stop being stupid.

- The excuse "I had no idea what I was doing" Is not an excuse at all.

- Some people like being open about things, that's admirable.

- Some people take things to heart, some people don't but if you do, man up... seriously... your a fucking pussy.

- It takes me about .5 seconds to drop a shitty person in my live. I think everyone should learn how to do that so that way there is less complaining on facebook.

- Lets face it people... facebook is a networking site... if you have a business on facebook, by all means promote through your FACEBOOK BUSINESS not on your OWN PERSONAL FACEBOOK. I DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOUR T-SHIRTS, IF I DID.. I WOULD'VE LIKED YOUR T-SHIRT BUSINESS. I added you on facebook because I am a snoop, and I want to know whats going on in your personal life... not your inability to make nice shirts.

- A healing tattoo makes me feel like a lizard... that is why I am acting like a lizard.

- If I normally drive 25 minutes to your house and I almost always spend the night, is it still weird if the other party asks randomly "are you spending the night?" ?

- I know I should change but when people force me... or suggest that I do... it makes me want to stay the same.

- I think its important to feed into your own sexuality. People love that shit.

- As a dude it is important to take control of a situation (any situation) 99% of the time. It makes you look like you have giant balls of steel and that is something all woman drool over.

- Girls get their period once a month... fucking get over it.

- Ladies, please invest in a good smelling conditioner that is RIGHT for your hair type. Dudes love sticking their face in a long lock of hair and smelling what you smell like after a shower...

- Also.. you people... Yes... YOU! The ones that don't wash their hair at least every 2 days are fucking filthy.. your hair smells like... burnt.... old. Burnt old I said it...

- If you have a massive hard on... about 90% of the time I will grab it.

This is.... wonderful

- You want people to treat you well then you have to treat people the way you want to be treated.

- You hear someone say they spent 500 dollars on dinner and think "ARE THEY OUT OF THEIR FUCKING MINDS?!"...... I think "Holy shit that dinner musteve tasted like Jesus's balls"

My point is... if I had the money... I would totally throw away money on an awesome dinner.. Why? You only live once.. and how many of you can say you ate a 500 dollar steak?

- Guys hear a girl say they spent 600 dollars on a color, hair cut, blow dry combo and think "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU SMOKING?!" I also think the same thing.

- Allow yourself to judge those by your own opinion not someone Else's.. All of a sudden all the people friends of mine hated have turned out to be not as bad as they played out... so... what the fuck gives

- I don't fuck around with ouija boards.. I don't know what is going on outside of this world, I'm also not dumb enough to fuck around with something I am unsure about ESPECIALLY something that could seriously FUCK SHIT UP if its true.... Like I clearly wouldn't try and attempt to fix an air conditioning unit because I don't know what the fuck they are about... and honestly you really don't want to know me when there is no A/C

- My spirit animal is an owl... whats yours?

- Don't continue to pursue a relationship with someone if they have already told you they aren't interested.

- When you are out of town, or some place new in general.. it is a nice thing to think of friends/family while you are at a gift shop. People love to know you thought of them while you were away.

- Walmart is the melting pot for the most interesting people on the planet.

- noel fielding in the big fat quiz of the year makes a shitty year worth it completely

Ollie, my great dane son's birthday was on the 15th. Monday we took him to the dog park with a friend of mine who was nice enough to let ollie steal his whole back seat for the trip.

2012-01-11T07:22:00.001-08:00

A New Video

strip club.

2012-01-09T15:46:00.000-08:00

- I hate how Robert pattenson laughs..

- If you are doubting something for good reason, then don't be afraid to fight. I mean fight for what you believe in. You have one life, and it wasn't meant to be stepped on by people you think matter.

- For every time you ask yourself "Why did he leave?" you MUST respond with "Because someone better is on their way"

- If you find yourself crying at night and want to stop, just look in the mirror. Its a known fact that any human being WILL stop crying, I just can't face myself being that pathetic.

- Don't bend over backwards for those people you barely know. It is good to be a good person but good people are easy to take advantage of and if you are eager to please so quickly sometimes people will take advantage of that.

- Its a new year people so lets do things... new things... we didn't do last year okay?

- Anyone who enjoys drinking bubble tea MUST enjoy swallowing cum CAUSE THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT IT FUCKING TASTES LIKE.

- Second chances are allowed... because you WANT to give yourself the satisfaction that this person indefinitely will or will not change.... all that bull shit about "third times a charm" and "third strike your out" should be erased from this metaphor completely. You are officially a moron if you give someone a third chance because the second chance is when you should've realized that this person can change or not.

- When someone acts like they are infatuated by you but then change their attitude after you have finally let your wall down... Don't get discouraged... Just build the wall up harder and taller.

- Um... I love how you lie to me like... all the fucking time... I know you are doing it.. Its just fun to see how much of a fucking moron you think I am.

- You will lose her by the second every second you leave her waiting for a response for anything.

- You can't use the excuse "I was busy at work" when you have numerous times before texted me while you are at work.

- My last meal before I die will be bacon. Loads of bacon.

- I am not above hacking into someones facebook to read messages and shit. I am above it when there was no real reason to do this in the first place. learn the difference.

- I am actually legitly shocked at katy perry and russle brand getting a divorce

- Don't get discouraged when things don't pan out the way you expected. Shit happens.

- The most important person in your life is YOU. Not anyone else, unless you have children. In that case, your children come before anyone else, even yourself. But for the most part, YOU are the most important person. I'm not saying that other people aren't important, but if you find that you are making your needs less important because of another person, you need to stop right there and put things back in their place. YOU first, THEM second.

- Don't let anyone belittle you because you may have said or done something stupid. You are human, and you make mistakes. That is no excuse for someone to belittle anyone.

- You are not allowed to wish/whine for a successful relationship/marriage when you are the sole reason for your own relationship/marriage failing. You don't get a second chance.

- If there is something you want to do, then do it. There is no limit to accomplishments. I understand most of these things take money, and money is hard to come by, but you only live once... and 2012 is all about the accomplishments.

- You aren't fucking cool because you deactivated your facebook account.. in about a month or two you will reactivate it again and look like a complete fucking asshole.

- Don't rely on the regular weight chart you find online to determine whether you are over/under weight, ask your physician personally because everyone has a different body, which means not everyone needs the same result.

- I think its common courtesy to shave your pussy before going to the gynecologist. Also, if you can, take a baby wipe with you just to wipe yourself down that might be a little nice too.

- Don't be afraid to ask your Doctor questions, and Don't fucking lie on your questioner either. Patient confidentiality is an oath Doctors take, so let them know your a slut. They will be the only ones that know... and trust me.. they've heard worse.

- I am not completely against plastic surgery. I think if its going to make you happy, then fucking do it.

- I understand that no one really intends on hurting someone, but I think you know what your doing, when you're doing it then there is no reason NOT to tell someone the truth. So don't make me think I am the crazy one for confronting you about being a complete fucking asshole.

- Want to know how I know your full of shit? because I fucking LISTEN and when you are fucking up.. I'll know about it... Everyone around may ignore it or is just too fucking stupid to tell.. but not this girl... no WHAY.

- I bum off of my best friends netflix because.... I'm poor.. I feel bad because all the movie suggestions now are "demonic cult 1980's horror movies" but she can suck my dick. That's not the point of this statement anyways, the point is if you have netflix you know that they have specific genres of movies. I noticed recently that there is a "gay/lesbian" genre...

Then I thought, well what if there was a "African American" movie selection?

Then I thought... what kind of movies are white people into? Can we even have a movie genre?

Then I watched more B-rated horror movies and that was the end of that tangent.

- Do people suffering from depression feel happiness when a doctor finally tells them they are in fact suffering from depression or do they just sit there and sulk? because its got to feel good to know that there is something that a doctor can do for you... right?

- I don't believe in depression being a disease or something people can actually suffer from. I just think people some times have shitty moments in life that suck and they just have to deal.

- I do eventually want kids but I have this... terrible feeling that my body is going to go to complete shit after I push out a baby, and not that I have worked very hard for this body, I just don't want it to get any worse than it already is.

- Babies are cute as fuck though.

- I want to know why its so hard to text someone? I mean I know its not hard for me personally but it seems like the most strenuous task for others. I just want to know why?

- Also... I need to let all the bearded dudes in the surrounding Miami areas that I am available for consultation.

- Just because you offer services that are useful to me doesn't mean I'll blow you for free services... I have class asshole. Your lucky I like you.

- One day I am going to learn how to stick up for myself. I don't do it now because I really hate confrontation but sometimes you just have to hit a bitch.

- Don't spend your whole life in one city.

- You cannot deny that fucking raw is the best feeling in the entire universe. I don't condone it, but if you are in a tight relationship with respect and trust... by all means... heh - http://solehiphop.com/

- Do not ignore warning signs. I know that bitch is cool as fuck and hot as shit but you will be deemed the stupid one if you ignore any warning signs.

- I have a lot of friends I keep around just to see what happens to them. It's a lot like a really bad movie, that you continue to watch only to see how much worse it can get.

- "If you are out there worried about catching an STD with the person you fuckin... you shouldn't be fuckin that person period" http://solehiphop.com/

- A person who lets a dog/cat suffer because they are too lazy to get out of bed is a person that needs to be punished painfully.

- A person who feeds you a bunch of fucking bullshit because it sounds good at the time needs to be fed a bunch of actual bull shit... like from an actual bulls ass.

- A person who lies about their penis size deserves to be laughed at when its finally revealed.

Heyoooo

2012-01-02T15:28:00.000-08:00

- You can't deny the fact that listening to rage against the machine on a Monday morning will automatically put you in a good mood.

- You can't expect someone to know something that clearly isn't in their area of expertize. If I know nothing about washing machines, you can't ask me if I noticed a timing belt was missing. Do washing machines even have timing belts?

- I think it pisses people off more that you react with a happy attitude when the other person is trying to make the atmosphere around you a shitty one. Which kind of sucks because then they always try to make the Ora shittier when you aren't also in a shitty mood, which makes me wonder if I should just be in a bad mood so it wont get any worse.

- I don't like seeing people cry. I feel helpless because I always feel like there isn't a single thing I can do to make them feel better, so I just hug.

- I don't know if the saying "once a cheater, always a cheater" is true or not, but I can tell you that its hard to gain trust back or ever when you go and do a thing like that and because of that a lot of people think it easier to just be with other people on the side than to deal with the relationship that they already have. However, if you feel remorse about it, and even though you did the wrong thing, you do the right thing after, like telling your boyfriend/girlfriend what you did, then that is the first step to leading a better relationship and proving a non-believer (such as myself) wrong. I can't guarantee that things will get better or ever be normal again but you did the right thing in trying to fix things and that's gotta stand for something.

- Sometimes you just have to sleep all fucking day to catch up on rest and there is no fucking shame in that.

- Everyone is all hyped up on 2012, I'm just hyped up about kissing 2011 goodbye. What a fucking shitty ass year.

- I 'lol' at people that say "I don't have any money for myself" but have 6 cars and a nice ass house. 'lol' at you sir... 'lol' at you.

- I should probably feel ashamed of how completely vulgar I am but come on people.. You don't have to put up with me, and if you feel like you have to then you can leave.

- Also... 'LOL' at the people that call me a professional slut that are raging alcoholics. 'LOL' at you ma'am... LOL AT YOU.

- If it takes a whole year to pass for you to say "its time for a change" then you are an asshole and need to re-evaluate yourself.

- But hey, if you are REALLY going to make the effort to change (for the better) than I guess I can't hate on that shit.

- You can't implement rules and then only scold certain people that don't follow them. Rules are made for everybody, not that certain people. There is no reason to have rules if you will bend them for certain people. Those aren't rules then, those are more like kind guidelines.

- Don't give me that "hopeless romantic" bullshit when you were the one that cheated on your g.f You aren't fooling me dude, and if you can't accept that about yourself, then you are nothing but a little boy.

- I don't quite understand people that boast on facebook. That's like kind of an oxymoron. If you are so god damned busy, why are you not busy enough to post a status update on facebook. Bitch get a life seriously.

- You must choose your battles wisely.

- My dad always told me "Emily.. think... think before you speak" I try really hard to do that, and I slip up every now and then but.. I think its important to think before you say anything in order to really get across what you are trying to get across.

- That moment when your boss comes across your blog entry while your at work.....

- I can feel it in my bones.

- You must always be respectful to your elders no matter how completely wrong/ignorant they are. Understand that they come from a completely different time than you, and things were 100% different then. Even though time has changed, they still know very important stuff, and have reasoning for their knowledge and that can be very valuable to you or me.

- Volkswagen's are the indie car to own apparently. I never NOT see a hot guy driving those cars. Subaru imprezas are the hot rich dude cars.

God damn I would fuck the shit out of that car.

- I have been known to work for massages and food. I don't mind bargaining for goods.

- I saw a documentary last week on dumpster diving. I would not have any shame grabbing perfectly good packaged free range meat from a dumpster. I wouldn't, however, do it for something that wasn't organically grown cause lets face it, that shit is usually better off in a dumpster anyways.

- I don't understand why people get so surprised that drinking gets increasingly more popular around the holiday season. ITS THE FUCKING HOLIDAY SEASON! ALCOHOL IS EVERYWHERE. Does that make me an alcoholic? FUCK NO. I blame society for creating the holiday season so fucking close together anyways. It's their fault I drink so often at the end of the year.

- I don't smoke pot (or anything for that matter). I don't suggest it, but if you do already casually do it... I don't give a shit as long as its not effecting your ability to actually function as a human being. In fact, I might actually prefer someone to smoke pot rather than cigarettes for obvious reasons.

- I'll try anything once, as long as its not anal.

- And seriously? don't force me to try anal. Do people get off on that seriously? I mean I know people get off on anal but If I tell you "this doesn't feel good, I am not going to like it" why would you beg me to still try it? that makes me think your a sick fuck for not only liking anal sex but for getting off on my discomfort.

- I know I make a big deal about anal sex, its not really the worst thing in sex to try and I give it a hard time all the time.. sorry anal sex, you literally get the shit end of the stick.

- You have a responsibility to be at work on time if not early for your shift. If you are accident prone you should avoid being a shitty coworker by working out all your kinks before your shift.

- Don't take responsibility for things that clearly are not your responsibility. Don't be afraid to let a nigga know when its time for them to step up. If you don't people will use you like a door mat and that shit is not cool.

- Don't be afraid, fear breeds mistakes.

- I hate how most older men are completely Jewish with their money. I always see older men give their wives the third degree when spending money on something that's important. Of course the other side to that could be that their wives spend too much money usually, so... yeah...

- Don't re-hire people. There really isn't a need for it unless they left because of school and have now finished their degree.

- Question, I know Obama hasn't done shit for this country really but do you really HONESTLY think that that other asshole McCain would've been better? REALLY? I MEAN FUCKING REALLY?

- I try not to get into a political debate with anyone because no one is right about any of that shit. For fucks sake not even our own government knows what the fucks up...

- Nothing is going to get easier. You always have to work harder for the things you want. In doing so, you will be rewarded depending on how much effort your put into something.

- I fucking... cannot stand (with passion) when someone has the audacity to ask you for favors, and then in the slightest case you ask for one simple favor, they make the biggest deal out of it as if you just kicked them off a cliff. Well I fucking wish I had if your going to pull this shit.

- I fucking suck at remembering things. I have accepted that. What sucks about that is that when someone fucks me over, or does something that makes me think "next time I'm going to be a complete fucking asshole to them" time will go by and I'll most likely completely forget why I need to be angry at this person and because I forget, I can't force myself to be angry because what happens if they ask me why I am mad? "I.... I forgot! I just know that I'm supposed to be mad!" Yeah that sounds real legit.

- note to self: Keep a "Reasons to be angry at _____" book.

- A muffin top is not more commonly known in reference to a woman's mons pubis. A "Foopa" however, Is

- Also... for people who don't know.. the trending thing to do now is to bleach your asshole. This isn't to bleach the hair around the anus. That would be completely fucking pointless (why anal bleaching is important anyways is beyond me, I think people are just trying to find new ways to blow cash) its supposed to lighten the skin around the anus. Just an FYI in case anyone ever asks you.

- What were your regrets for 2011? and don't say "I don't have any regrets" cause you and I both know that's a bullshit line.

- Were friends because I like talking shit to your face instead of behind your back. I think I have enough balls to tell you whats up, and I think that's something to admire

- Seniority used to matter but now its just about who can open their mouth or have the better excuse.

- If anything you are doing does not get increasingly better by listening to city and colour then something is seriously wrong with you... you should see a doctor.

Doctor: "So what is the problem Miss Hendricks?"

Me: "Um... Nothing I do gets better when I listen to city and colour"

Doctor: "This is serious."

- A dude told me once "You really think you can find someone better than me?" so I took both of his t.vs and his play station 3 and sold that shit on craigslist.

- I don't think its wise to ass fuck a girls heart that has more dude friends than you ever will in your entire existence.

One day.

- Have I ever broke into an ex boyfriends house to get the remainder of my shit? I think the real question here is "Did you ever get your shit back from an ex" and let me tell you... a consolidated skateboard and a bunch of dreamcast video games are more important to me than a broken door or window so.. yea.. I did get my shit back. Does it count if I have a key? no. It doesn't. Technically... I was just getting my stuff... that he had in his possession.. which makes him a thief, and thief's don't deserve a working door or window.. cause what do thief's really deserve? nothing In my opinion... so... no.. I haven't technically. ever. broken in someones house. to get my shit.

If this entry didn't make your Monday better, then this song will..

Also check out my new years video.

I dont know how much

2011-12-30T18:22:00.000-08:00

I don't know how much time I will have tomorrow with it being new years eve and all so I wanted to get my 2011 nostalgia out of the way.

2011 wasn't too bad for me though I think it wasn't as great as I expected it to be either. 2011 was unfortunately a very lazy year for me, at least I feel that way.

The weird part? It started getting increasingly more exciting about 4 months ago. Maybe this is just gearing me up for 2012.

I feel like I have been taking everyone's lifestyles into consideration more than my own, not allowing myself to really flourish. I can't help it, I have never really been a selfish person. In doing so, its made time for adventure slim to nothing.

I promised I wouldn't do a resultion list for 2012 because I feel like there is too much I want to accomplish and just not enough time to finish it in a year but I am going to tell you what lies a head.

My writting will pick up with more themed days like "things you should know" I am not sure what they will be, but I can tell you its going to happen.

There will be many many more girl talk videos with special guests that may, or may not, be girls.

Photography will explode with many more themed shoots. Some will be movied themed, others will have their own themes.

Travel. Yes, I really don't know how much longer my flight benefits will last but I really want to get out there. So if you are looking for a photographer and have a spare bed for me to crash in, please shoot me an email. I don't mind trading services for a room and meals. Even if that doesnt end up happening I am definetly going to make trips out to places I have never been, even if I am alone... I am so tired of not knowing whats out there.

I know I should be scared but there is a part of me that says "if you don't fucking do it... you will regret it" and I don't want to ever feel that way. Not that I am supersticious but if the world is going to end in 2012... then that means I wouldeve done nothing as exciting as I planned with my life, and that is NOT a way I want to go down.

Don't be stupid about this though... Don't fuck without a condom or anything... I'm just saying that... fuck it, if you can do it... then do it.

"When I was younger I had a dream that I was stuck in school and there was some stupid play going on in the auditorium. There was a line that stretched all around the corner and I was at the end with a friend of mine, talking about something useless probably. As the line got shorter and shorter I realized we weren't going to a play.. we were meeting up at a desk with some guy sitting at it. I squinted to see what exactly going on and figured out it was Jesus Christ himself going through children one by one making them disappear with the blink of an eye leaving nothing but their clothing behind. I started to panic and cry turning to my friend who was behind me, begging her to relay a message to my parents and family that I loved them dearly. It was my turn as I walked up to the table nervous. Jesus asked "Why are you crying?" and suddenly I didn't feel sad. I didn't feel anything actually, other then... feeling content. "I don't... know" I said. Jesus smirked and got up from the table. "This is it" I thought. "This is when I go to heaven". "Follow me" He said extending his hand to lead the way down the hall. I was confused at first, maybe he wanted to switch things up a bit. "I was looking for you" he said. "Why?" I asked. "I think you know why..." He said. We stopped walking and stood in silence. "You just wait right here" He said patting my shoulders. I turned to watch him walk back to the table to continue sending people on their way to heaven and then I woke up. After this, I knew I was meant for something... something important."

2011-12-29T18:10:00.000-08:00

I had a shoot today with Alicia and Brent's lovely family. There are SO MANY great shots but I can't post 100 photos in this entry. I mean, I can, but it would take forever to load and these are really just spoilers.

One big room

2011-12-27T21:15:00.001-08:00

So adorable.

2011-12-26T19:55:00.000-08:00

- I fall into the shitty friend column every now and then.

- Shitty waitressing service fucking sucks but you know what sucks more? unknown substances in your food. So suck it up and deal with it.

- If you are a waiter or waitress I suggest taking every ones order first, and getting their drinks out first. I would much rather wait longer for food then wait an hour for food and drinks all to come out at once.

- I don't give a fuck what you think but chili's 2 for 1 frozen margaritas are the fucking shit.

- Why does milk taste so much better when its from a carton?

- "I would much rather be a fatter version of myself then an ugly woman that's been in porn too long because I can lose weight for cheaper price then getting surgery to be pretty.. and surgery isn't always guaranteed"

- Was blink-182 in some part of my teenage memories? Yes but I kind of wish they weren't.

- Weezer was always better.

I realize this is a "Bring me the horizon" Gif

- Having a good mattress is important. If you are having a difficult time sleeping, its probably a good time to get a new mattress.

- Everyone eats sandwiches differently but I suggest not eating one like your a fucking 10 month old baby in public.

- You gotta love the skin your in because you can't change skin.

- Don't keep friends around that clearly aren't benefiting you. That sounds completely selfish, but I mean it as in a way that if you have a friend that isn't doing shit with their life, and will probably NEVER do shit with their life, and has never done a single "friend" thing for you then you can go ahead an click the "unfriend" button.

- A friend would not leave you high as fuck in their drive way unable to drive to go and hang out with some other dude at a bar... just saying.

- A friend would never not hang out with you unless you gave them a blow job... just saying.

- If you find yourself wanting to hang out with your cat more than this friend, then the friendship can be spared.

- Girls often ignore dudes they don't like because we don't want to hear a guy we already don't like try and pressure us into still liking them. In other words we don;t want to hear "we should still hang out, I promise I wont make you feel uncomfortable"

- Having a good hairstylist is so important. ESPECIALLY here in Miami, I recommend Valerie Paquet at peter of London if you are in the Miami area. SHES FUCKING AWESOME.

- I don't mind a dirty room, I DO mind a dirty bathroom. Because we already do... dirty things in there, and WE ALL KNOW the bacteria that lay dormant there... Bleach that mother fucker daily.

- I always ask for a dildo/vibrator for Christmas but I'm starting to think my friends aren't taking me seriously.

- I mutter "two can play at that game" a lot but that always back fires on me.

- Question... Who buys Paris Hilton/Justin beiber perfume? NONE THE LESS an imitation of either of those... to give as a gift? WHO? WHO EVER DOES SHOULD BE SHOT AND DRAGGED TO HELL BY A HORSE.

- That's how gay Justin beiber is... He has a perfume.... fagotory.

- If you are gay and don't like my use of words you can hop off it.

- If the height of your issues is due to the fact you have not had any matches on match.com... then you need to get out more.

- These are good starter questions.

- By the way.. seriously get out and be carefree once a week at least. Yell, laugh and loot.

- Ex girlfriends are off limits to you. Seriously, get the fuck away from them, they are trouble makers.

- Don't hold grudges or they will hold on to you.. and that shit is NOT fun.

- "I like you because you are in touch with your sexuality"

- Inspired flights new album has been my sound track for today.

- How about you don't tell someone "I like you because you have tattoos"

- Hey dude would you like some sun? CUZ YOU SHADY AS FUH.

- You can't tell someone to get up and do something with their life when they know that's what they do because that shit doesn't happen over night. Picking yourself up from the floor requires hard work.

- Late people really suck, which sucks even more when you are carpooling and the person driving is the sole reason you are late and they make everyone else look like an asshole because they had to blow dry their hair... Moral of the story... drive your own car

- Saying my movie taste is bad is the equivalent to calling me fat. I realize I don't like the greatest movies but they make me happy.. and if you like me... you should like them too.. and if you don't I wont be mad if you "act" like you do...

"A tiger mother lost her cubs from premature labour. Shortly after she became depressed and her health declined, and she was diagnosed with depression. So they wrapped up piglets in tiger cloth, and gave them to the tiger. The tiger now loves these pigs and treats them like her babies."

- Sex time is the most dangerous time before bed, and in the morning.

- You are worth something. Just remember that.

- If you died, would you come back to haunt people? or would you start all over?

- Dudes have it built in their cocks to have sex with out any feeling what so ever. Its a little bit more difficult for woman.

- If a dude orgasms too quickly is it because you sucked... or because you were awesome?

- If you like someone, and they like you too.. Is it safe to say you should not be listed as "looking for serious relationships" on dating websites? Seriously... I want to know.

Tagg.

2011-12-24T08:52:00.000-08:00

hey now

2011-12-19T20:06:00.000-08:00

- It is no where NEAR my fault that you are running late. You live in Miami. YOU KNOW HOW BAD TRAFFIC IS HERE. Showing up even 5 minutes after your appointment is the equivalent to a spit in the face. No I can't reschedule you, its the holidays, and your late... you don't get special privileges, I don't give a fuck if you are my friend or not. Here is how you can guesstimate your time, if map quest says its going to take you 20 minutes to get to your destination and its anywhere between 7-10am or 3-7pm then you should double your time and add 10 minutes. Even if you get there (which you wont) 30 minutes early, the point is, YOUR EARLY not late. Early people are still considered punctual, late people are considered assholes.

- don't get me wrong I like taking naked pictures, but for totally different reasons. I think people who constantly post naked pictures of themselves are looking for attention because they didn't get enough of it as a child.

- I can't stand when people tell me "I'll call you right back" and they don't. Its just, I really stick to peoples word, and when you do that it means I can no longer take your word for anything. It sounds so minuscule, but if you can't do a simple task like calling me back, then I guess I can't rely on you for more meaningful tasks like remembering a birth date. You could just say "I'll call you later" or "Ill call you" even. Don't tell me "I'll call you RIGHT back" that makes it sound like in the next 5 minutes I'm going to get a phone call.

- There will always be someone who is critiquing your work, because there is always room for improvement. So don't always feel insulted when someone says something bad. about 90% of the time is because they are jealous anyways.

- If you are going to bother putting up Christmas lights this year, at least put effort in it. I have never seen so many half ass done Christmas lights in my life. Jesus. You can't just cover your front yard with blow up ornaments, YOU LOOK LIKE A LAZY ASS, and tacky.

- If all woman ovulate roughly around the same time do tampon/pad companies make more money during a certain part of the month? I think it would be weird to work for the company and be like "look at this bob... Its that time of the month" heh...

- I want to know why every ones first response to "why did you fuck with out a condom" is "Shes on birth control". You need to understand that a baby is not going to be the worst thing to ever happen to you, there are diseases out there that WILL NOT go away. "But she looks clean" is not a good enough reason to stick your dick in something. Alright, so your telling me that if there is a cave that is notorious for killing people, your gonna walk right up on in there because its a beautiful day outside? if you say yes then you deserve to die.

- Aww that's so cute I remember when I had my first beer.

- I found out why girls are crazy. Its because they haven't spent enough time alone to settle themselves. Girls are known for being needy creatures, and because of that we become impatient with waiting after we get out of a relationship. Which means that we drag (sometimes unknowingly) baggage on to the next dude. That causes for problems (sometimes) for the next relationship. So when you find yourself doing any comparing or stalking... you have officially entered this relationship too soon. Is it a bad thing? not always, but be aware that a new person doesn't mean "same problems" its supposed to be "new" not "reoccurring" remember?

- Being needy is not always a bad thing as long as its in moderation. Sometimes I just want to be held and touched and I don't think that's very much for me to ask for thank you very much.

- I would totally let a dude hit me just so I can put him jail. For good reason though, I'm not just going to walk up to a random dude and say "HIT ME MOTHER FUCKER" He has to have done something worth being hit for, like fucking with a friend or something.

- I would totally punch back by the way, I know where it hurts... and trust me... I'll make it hurt.

- A good rule to go by is no sex until you are are actually in a relationship or its AT LEAST the 5th date. Although you think it might be a good idea to blow some dude you are really into, weirdly enough, subconsciously that can usually fuck shit up. No matter how good you are in bed.

- I just thought you should know... FX has the movies...

- You should always read the fine print on anything.

- Your interview process should be on top of its game because you can quickly figure someone out with few questions. Does this always work? no, because there are people (few few people) that are fantastic liars, but there is nothing you can do about that and the likeliness of you meeting that person is about 8%. When you break up with someone, ask yourself "could I have caught this early on?" If you couldeve, you need to step up your interview game.

- Someone said to me "I ask out 1-2 girls out daily for the last 2 months, what is the deal? why haven't I got any catches?" The whole point of fishing is patience. Do your chances of catching a fish increase by fishing everyday? possibly. Maybe your fishing in the same spot or using the same techniques every time and the fish know whats up. Maybe your bait isn't as pleasing as you thought it was. All these things you should factor in, and know that timing is total key right now.

- Question? Could the saying "the bigger the bait, the bigger the fish" be used in this equation? for example "the bigger the dick, the better the girl?"

- Don't pull all the rabbits out of the hat in the beginning. You are already interesting but if you continue to be a little mysterious, girls love that shit.

- If you are the type of person to have a panic attack because the person you like hasn't called you for a few days, don't do the dumb thing of texting the "how come you are ignoring me" text. Instead vent out to a best friend about how frustrated you are. At least then you still seem like a sane person.

- Hard work does pay off, so stop being lazy.

- Trading services is not a bad thing. I would gladly do photos for someone who can do my hair or nails. Sexual favors are out of the question though.

- When ever I buy cigarettes for someone (i don't smoke, that shit is fucking disgusting) I have to tell the cashier " these aren't mine..." for some reason. Its like I think they are judging me or something.

- If someone remembers your first and last name after meeting you only a few times, then you were important enough to remember, and that means something.

- I read people pretty easily, when I meet someone I can feel their ora. You should start being a little more in tune with yourself so you can do the same.

- Some people work really well under pressure. These people are usually procrastinators.

- My eye twitches every time someone uses a word in the wrong context.

- Do guys orgasm faster if they masturbate more then those who don't?

- Are couples more likely to break up before the holidays or after?

- If you don't normally wear deodorant, that's okay. But if you are going to go out in public, the least thing you could do is apply some. It wouldn't hurt. Why? because people who have the nastiest musky armpit smell NEVER seem to notice.. and you could be one of those people... And you DON'T want to be one of those people, trust me.

- In high school, I mastered the art of sleeping in class with out making it look like I was actually sleeping in class.

- Someone says "I don't like animals" then this person has something mentally wrong with them, STAY FAR AWAY FROM THESE PEOPLE.

- Moisturize your feet at night. Why? Because soft feet feel better then hard feet. When I'm laying next to you, rubbing my whole body against you, and your eagle claw feet brush up against my legs and claw me to death... I'm going to be kind of upset.

- Humans are VERY animalistic. We want to claim territory, we flair up when threatened and defend what is ours even if the odds are against us.

- We want to claim something as a natural instinct to start a pack and when someone or something comes in between that we want to fight.

- Natural selection comes into play as well. We choose a mate that best suits out life style. For example it is unlikely for an artist to get along with someone who is very practical. An artist is going to want someone who can challenge them mentally.

- Do opposites attract? sure, but to a certain extent. There is a balance when it comes to that. If someone is completely opposite with no common ground at all, then there is no way that shit is going to work.

- Sexual chemistry is important but not more important than mental chemistry. Mental chemistry is important but so is sexual chemistry, if either one is missing, that could cause serious problems.

- If you keep failing with your relationships, something is up. Either your interview process is fucked or your doing something wrong in the relationship. Maybe you weren't exactly the cause, but at least pretend you where and change what you think needed to be changed.

- Cheating is wrong, and in my opinion, a mortal relationship sin, but that's MY book. Maybe there are people out there that think cheating is alright, and aren't quite down for monogamy. Which is exactly why you need to make sure that you both are down for the "non-cheating" type of relationship. Unless you are in fact one of those people that enjoy having multiple partners, then you should also make that obvious by clearly stating that's what you are into. Don't try surprising me with that bullshit. I wouldn't ever try sticking a fucking banana in your ass in the middle of the night after we have been dating for a few months and tell you "surprise! I'm really into this type of shit" that would be wrong, very very wrong.

- There is something so fucking sexy about a man putting something together.

- Every girl in this world has always wanted a pair of diamond earrings. Don't fucking deny it.

- Make a list of all the things you want to do with your b/f or g/f. Whether its sexual or not it keeps things interesting. Don't be afraid to explore assholes, you have one life.... live it. I wasn't literally speaking btw, don't literally go exploring assholes... that's.. really fucked up.

- Bragging about your sexual experiences when it wasn't asked doesn't validate anything. It just makes you look like a dirty cum rag, which is not a very good thing to look like.

- Would you rather a a girl with an athletic body but an ugly face or a chubby girl with a cute ass face? Be honest... seriously.

- Gay people make me feel so gay inside.

- It is totally okay to feel scared of any sort of long term commitment but that doesn't mean you SHOULDN'T do it. That just means you are reacting accordingly.

- I have a notion that cellphone companies will knowingly fuck your phone up when its time for an upgrade or your contract is about to be up. I just find it to be a little coincidental that when my phone starts to be a giant prick is right around the time I need to renew my contract... I see what your doing t-mobile.. and you can fucking suck it.

- People panic during abrupt changes. Its the same concept when you block an ants path? they sort of freak out for a few seconds? and then eventually find a way around it.

Real talk

2011-12-18T08:18:00.000-08:00

I am about to get on some real talk at the moment.

I wanted to get into the "soul mate" talk because it seems to me that everyone is searching and for most its just not working out.

I have a notion, and that notion is that when we are born, we are born with a tiny piece (it could be bigger depending on the soul mate) of our soul mate. I say that because you know that moment when someone says something that you weirdly enough feel the same about? and its usually something that is so strangely odd and not an everyday type of thing you come across? Its not a coincidence, its for a reason. Sure you date people that have things in common with you and that doesn't necessarily mean they are the one you are supposed to marry but, I figure that your soul mate will actually have a piece of you in them hence the saying "I just KNEW they were it" because strangely enough you can sense yourself, somewhere.

Everyone, every couple that is together (happily) will say "they are my puzzle piece" and its true because that other person, the person you are meant to spend the rest of your life with, has YOUR missing piece. That piece you feel missing and have been spending years to fill, is because the person you are meant to be with has it.

Its taken me a long time to learn how to weed through people to figure out what is important to me in a person and that is always changing on a daily basis because I meet so many new people but I narrowed my criteria down to as little as possible with few things that meant the most. I am not saying that this is a bullet proof idea because what I thought was important to me 3 years ago (shit even a year ago) is not what is important to me today. I say to do this because if you know what is most important to yourself, that is the first step in knowing what is best for you. This is not as easy as it sounds because for a good year I was constantly switching (which you don't want to do, because you are cheating yourself). If you are able to finally figure yourself out, and figure out what Is MOST important to you, you have just became half way closer to the one you are meant to be with. Once you to understand, and write on a piece of paper the 3-4 most important qualities no matter how shallow or how small/insignificant they may be then you can begin a new dating process. Secondly, if this person has all of these qualities, then there is no room for disappointment.

But how to you know? I know because I have done it myself. First off, the qualities you are looking for aren't easy to find. You tell yourself "These are only 3 qualities that's nothing, how hard could it be?" its HARD trust me. If you find that it is TOO easy for you, then your qualities are meaningless and you need to start over. Now, lets say you are already in a relationship right now, and you figure out the qualities you are looking for, are strangely enough missing from your significant other. This means they are NOT your soul mate. I figured you would be able to figure that one out on your own but, I realize everyone is not as smart as I am. I know this works because these small qualities that mean so much to me personally, if someone has them, then they will have more, and that makes it all worth while.

It is true by what I say that everyone has at least 4-5 soul mates in the world but it is highly unlikely to meet 2. If you are lucky you will meet 1. It wont be easy! It will be hard! but that's okay because you have your missing piece. The world could literally fall around you but it is all safe in your heart. I am not saying the "list of qualities" is what MAKES you find your soul mate, I am just saying its what helps you find compatible people. Could it help you have your soul mate? Sure. Of course.

What if I lose "the one"? Then they weren't "the one". Don't argue with me, the one is the one you spend the rest of eternity with. Your telling me that person is going to walk out? the fucks wrong with you? Now, if you fucked shit up some how, for example you lied about something... then the first thing for you to do would be to fucking man up and fight.

I can't tell you what should be important to you. I can't tell you what are "key" qualities because what is important to me, wont be important to you, because its whats important to me, not you. I can also say that take time in trying to figure these qualities out, because ultimately its a small synopsis of what defines you.

busy monday

2011-12-12T18:18:00.000-08:00

- I get disappointed when I disappoint my religious friends by writing about sex, but then I remember that I know there is a small part of them that loves reading what I have to say no matter of explicit it is.

- Just in case you didn't know, When someone is on the phone.. that doesn't mean they are looking to start a conversation with someone. It other words.. If I am on the phone.. don't try and start a conversation with me.. I can only do so many things at once.

- I really cant stand guys who hit on me that have girlfriends.. Its fucking gross and it makes me sick.

- I love texting, don't get me wrong.. I really do but I think out generation has gotten so fucking lazy with communication. I like texting but when I am (or when i want to) getting to know someone personally, I think an actual conversation needs to happen. In other words like you need to dial my number and we need to talk... with our voices. None of this "I don't like chatting on the phone, I like texting better." nonsense. Grab your balls and call who ever you like.

- "Emily, not every guy who asks what you are doing tonight means they like you"

"no but if they ask me to come over to there place at 12 midnight because they miss me, means they do"

I think I'm old enough to read through the lines not to mention Ive been around the block a few times to know when someone is getting towards something...

- My favorite flowers are gardenias, daisies, and sunflowers. I plan on growing my own gardenia tree when I get my own place. Along with some daisies and sunflowers.

- Is it my fault you are married and don't have sex? nope. so stop trying to make me feel sorry.

- I am friends with some of the most greatest people on this earth and I am so lucky for that.

- I think about sex 24/7 now... does that make me a pervert?

- Maybe you should relax your jaw when you blow someone so you aren't trying to eat them like a sandwich.

- I am all for dating websites for people who just don't have the time to go out and meet new people. I am not for people using these sites to fill an empty void that really doesn't need to be filled in the first place.

- You know when someone says something to you, just because they feel like being an asshole.. and its usually something so untrue and so unbelievable that only later on in time can you come up with a come back because you are so astounded by their ignorance-dicking?

- Also these people can NEVER be convinced they are wrong... and that makes me want to punch them in the chest, so hard that their body is begging for air.

- Sundays have been ruined for me because Monday shortly follows..

- You should never put what has happened to you in the past on someone else.

- I used to be a dreamer, dreaming far into the future for the things that the present had in store for me. People have quickly robbed me of this fantasy, I now only try and plan weeks in advance.. Which is sort of bullshit when your work facility tells you you have to put vacation in 3 months in advance...

- How about that moment when someone does the same thing they scolded you for but its "a different story" because of reasons unknown to me. NO. you aren't allowed. Not on my watch.

- We just hurry up only to wait.

- You cannot, no matter how good it looks, claim a photo to be yours JUST because you edited it. If you did not actually take the photo, you cannot claim it is yours. You cannot come off as it being yours and then when someone asks say "I edited it" it doesn't work like that. Just because I paint my car doesn't mean I built my car.... your a phony.. a big fat phony...

- Why is it so expensive to get an education only to find out it isnt worth shit with out experience?

- I pondered today if whether or not having male roommates was better than having female roommates. I wonder that because I want to move out of state, and I for some reason think males would be more cool with having a great dane in the house rather then females. BUT I run the risk of having awkward encounters... which I would like to avoid at all costs. Also, statistically speaking males are usually more dirty than females and I was born to clean but that doesn't mean I constantly want to be doing it. Anyone care to share this theory/experiences? Girls are scary creatures, motive behind everything, "You want to hurt me? then I'll kill you" attitude. Scary scary things.

- Everyone waits till Monday to get shit done. EVERYONE WHY?!

- I think my biggest pet peeve is broken promises. If you tell me you are going to do something, then fucking do it. Its such a disappointment when I'm stuck waiting for you for something and you never fall through. You look like a jackass, and that is never cool. I realize that I may fall victim to this as well sometimes but I'm willing to work on it now that I realize it makes me a fucking asshole if I don't follow through with actually doing what I said I was going to do.

- Things I will miss about Miami:

* Cuban food

* Cuban coffee

* The beach

* City lights

- Things I won't miss about Miami:

* Everything else

no words...

- No... You don't get another chance... I wasn't worth it yesterday? Then you aren't worth it today.

- If you don't send me your Christmas list, than you aren't getting shit. I hate this guessing game shit, I am only good at it with a few select people. I cannot afford to spend a days worth trying to figure you out and I am not about to give a gift card as my last resort.

- Before you go and assume that this is happening because of something terrible. Wait a moment and ask yourself if you are just over reacting, and what are the reasons this could be happening. Never over react unless you know for a fact there is a reason to over react.

- I am not a bitch because I keep that dark part about myself under wraps. You unwrap that part of me, then you should run... quick.

- I hate how all the good clubs in Miami closed before I was old enough to drive there myself. That's just my luck I suppose.

- My best friends leave me messages that say "right now I'm holding the phone with one hand and using the other to touch mysel- wait... why do I keep telling you this shit!? I just know you are going to post it all over the Internet and people are going to think I am actually a freak when I'm just trying to be funny" shes right...

- According to my friend Emily, Pregnant people are not obligated to give gifts at any holiday, which is precisely more the reason to get pregnant.

- I for the life of me, cannot get into sex in the city. My best friend thinks I'm crazy because I relate so well to Carrie.. but I really don't think I do because I would never let a nigga come back to me like 60 times and then have the nerve to take him back after leaving me at the altor. That asshole would have to jump off a bridge. I wish tv networks would come up with more realistic shows. I don't know if I fully believe that people subconsciously follow advice from tv, call it subliminal messages but I really think that a girl could watch that show and think its okay to take a dude back that's done some FUCKED up shit. and I don't condone that shit at all. That's exactly why abusive relationships continue.. they see shit like "well it worked well for Carrie.. so maybe this will be the last time he hits me" and boom... wrong again.

- I think that's a good reason why I never get into romantic movies. I saw the notebook and for a good month I was looking for someone that knew how to build a house. Then I realized that I can't even find a dude that can fix a flat... so... fuck that movie.. no, don't fuck that movie.. that movie is gorgeous.. and by gorgeous I mean Ryan gossling.

- I take that back because I realize a lot of strange people read my blog and might actually take that statement seriously.

- It is okay to be afraid of something. Even if it isn't real.

- You ever see a penis so gorgeous all you want to do is put it in your mouth?

- Sometimes I can't believe I am actually writing this shit but then I realize every ones fucking thinking it, so whats the difference? I guess the difference would be that I'm actually saying it...

- If you are the religious type, don't waste your time on youtube, you will only be disappointed.. and I wont give a damn.

- Also.. I would rather come off as a knowledgeable slut than a close minded homophobic prick... but that's just me.

- I will never put myself in a questionable situation when I am dating someone. 1. I know better. 2. I don't really need to find out what might happen. I thought everyone was like this but I guess not. When you date someone it is not okay to sleep in another bed with another person of the opposite sex ( or same sex if your gay) even if its just for movies... or just because. I will question that situation...

- Secondly, Is it wrong for me to assume that the person I am dating should know better than to do that? or is it the type of situation that "if you didn't tell me I wasn't allowed to, how was I supposed to know?" might over rule? and I'll have to let it slide? I guess not cause anyone I date would read this, and most likely know better anyway.

- When furniture shopping. I will buy something based off of how comfortably I can fuck on it. Brash, I know.. but sue me. That's me being considerate of others.

- Someone said something to me the other day that made perfect sense to me and that was "everyone is looking out for themselves and whats best for them" He didn't mean it in a selfish way, he just meant that everyone is going to do whats best for them. Subconsciously everyone is going to be looking out for whats going to benefit themselves because unfortunately thanks to assholes and pricks, we have be subjected to choosing a path for "me" in stead of "others" if you can name at least one person that may not do this in your life, then you should consider yourself lucky. Still though, guard yourself and don't be afraid of doing that.

- That moment when you realize you let your guard down, all the way down and are laying naked in front of someone you trust and that person may have just stabbed you 80 times in the spleen... and your stomach drops down to your feet and you want to say "oh no" yeah... scary.

- I sometimes get scared of saying what I feel because I'm notorious for saying the wrong things. This really sucks when I REALLY want to talk to someone about something serious but I don't want them to think I am weird for bringing it up. So when I do talk about something serious I usually laugh the whole time and talk in questions.. sorta like this..

"So I was going to tell you? that the other night? I was kind of thinking we could talk about this thing? Because its sort of bothering me?"

mmmm

- Does sex really change people? I hear people say "that bitch just needs to get fucked" all the time but is that really what a bitch needs?

- People who buy nooks and reading tablets are a bunch of lazy fucks.

- If there was a feeling I wish I could get rid of, it would be the "why wasn't I good enough" feeling...

- The bible says there is "no greater sin" but I beg to differ. Murdering someone is a level 12 sin. Fucking someone in the ass because you both enjoy it shouldn't be considered a sin. Stealing for your family? Level 2 sin. Smacking someone? Level 9 sin. I'm sorry but you cant tell me that murdering someone and fucking before marriage is equal. You are out of your damn mind.

Want.

- Any person who will actively show someone "two girls one cup" for the enjoyment of seeing someones reaction should be shot dead and buried at the bottom of the ocean. You are a fucking sick fuck. Also really people? You cant tell me when you heard the header "two girls 1 cup" that you didn't think "I'm not too sure about this title, and I already know its something raunchy" So you get what you asked for dumb ass.

- Also.. You should run very very very very far away from the type of people that watch really gross porn that involves actual shit/piss and anything other then the natural act of having sex. There is something seriously Psychologically wrong with those people and you shouldn't stick around to find that out.

- Having long nails is like wearing high heels. You have to figure out how to use the most basic items all over again.

2011-12-09T15:35:00.000-08:00

I just wanted to share these two videos with you

1. Because its Friday.

2. Because why the fuck not?

Yep, This just happened.. I had to guys.. I just fucking had to. Part of me is concerned but then the other part of me is sort of jealous that she can openly do this with out any concern at all.. so... yeah

And then I had to end it with this... Enjoy.

Howls moving castle...

2011-12-05T15:59:00.000-08:00

- I am thankful for having a poorly running car, at least it runs.

- You can never be too tired to touch yourself. If you want it.. you should have it.

- I hate when I see talented people beat themselves up over something personal going on in their lives.

- I loath traffic. I like driving.. but I hate being late to anything.

-You have the ability to be anything you want to be. You want to be sexy, you can be sexy. You want to be the worlds greatest mime, you can do that. The accomplishments are limitless and there is absolutely no boundary that can hold you back. I just want you to know that.

- Someone told me the other day I was more independent than most girls due to the fact I have never had an abortion. I thought this to be a weird observation. Now you can tell when a girl is independent due to the amount of mistakes shes made.

- On a side note, How many abortions does it take for someone to finally understand that condoms and birth control are more effective then a hospitals vacuum? I mean seriously... condoms are like 6 bucks? birth control is free now... THERE IS NO EXCUSE!

- There is something wrong with you if your response back to someone who's pet just died is "Its the circle of life" That's the equivalent to "Suck it up bitch..."

- I still never understand why people continue emotionally/physically abusive relationships. I just assume that these are the type of people that secretly enjoy feeling like a piece of shit.. and I with that being said.. I shall not waste any sympathy on you.

- I think that America needs to be a little bit more selfish. Sure there are starving children in Africa and many families were demolished with that tsunami in japan, but Katrina ass fucked Louisiana. That flood raped Nashville Tennessee and there are thousands of families here that don't know how they will get through the week with out food and shelter. How are all of these organizations funding to bring food, water, shelter to other countries when we have such poverty issues here? Baffles me.

- There are some things that scare me. Somethings like clowns, open doors at night, and the dark. But the thing that scares me the most is the world ending and aliens. Don't judge me.

- What if UFO sightings are just super heroes coming into our orbit?

- So whats on every ones Christmas list?

HERE

HERE

- Everyone says you are so pretty but you are still ugly inside to me...

- I try not to get involved with other peoples lives because I am opinionated and out spoken and that sometimes can get me in trouble (usually not because I am always right) but in the instance a stranger asks me for my opinion I don't have any shame giving it. What they choose to do with that information is entirely up to them. I will however hold it against you when you go against what I say, and you later realize you shouldeve listened to me all along.

- I work at an Animal clinic. I really love my job. I see a lot of owners have to make the decision on whether it is "time" for their pet. I always tell people "If they can no longer be a dog or a cat... then it is time" In other words If a dog/cat cannot get up to enjoy simple things like eating on his/her own or running and playing.. then it is their time.

- My childhood movies were IT, Evil dead, Indiana Jones, Starwars, The never ending story, Puppet master and the Goonies. I am kind of convinced that these movies molded me into the person I am today.

I can has?

- If you push it out of your mind enough, You will eventually forget fundamental parts...

- Who here thinks that 2012 bullshit about the world ending is a total crock? AGREE WITH ME OR ELSE!

- I listen. I really do. I love to in fact. I am so patient and calm. I also respect my elders. I just assume what they have to say is right because they have "Seniority" over me. I was just taught that in high school and it stuck. I don't however, I don't like to be called (directly or indirectly) an idiot or any insult of the sort to my face because they KNOW they are an elder and can say what they please. I do things for a reason, and sure maybe that's not how you do it in your life.. but it works pretty well for me. Also, come on dude.. I'm a nice person.. I haven't done anything but be a good person to you, can you just not be a dick today and let me do me?

- I am convinced that people who are generally in a bad mood secretly are jealous of those (like myself) who are usually in a good mood. I don't have time to be sad, mad, upset. I can quickly build a bridge and get over it. You should too. You should also understand that you get a lot more with kindness than being a dick all the time.

- To be honest I think underwear that has wording in the back are just as stupid as shirt's with stupid sayings in the front..

- Hey amazon, I ordered some books like... forever ago WHERE THE FUCK ARE THEY!?

- I sometimes buy stuff online purposely just so that someday during the week I will have something to open.

- I am convinced that every woman's G-spot is located in different areas depending on the female. I can't really tell for sure being that I don't actually try this out with other woman, but my best friend is a lesbian, and she seems to think so too...

- Hey... If your happy... I'm happy...

- Certain smells will make me want to vomit and automatically put me in a bad mood.. Also.. did you know that out of all the senses, Smell is most closely linked with memory?

HEYOOOO!

- Make an effort to do something different weekly (if not daily) when you are in a relationship... If you go with the daily motion, it is easy to lose yourself and that can cause problems later on down the road.

- Do you really know who you are? I mean REALLY ask yourself this question...

- The definition of rape is any act of sexual intercourse that is forced upon a person. Which means, if you say no.. and someone continues... that is rape.. I just thought you should know... cause if you are dating a dude/girl and you are saying "No" because you really DON'T want it.. and they continue... then that is indeed an act of rape and you should stop talking to this person immediately no matter how much you "love" them.

- Yes... Sometimes "No" means "Yes" but there are better ways of finding out if someone actually wants something, and is too afraid to admit it or if they Don't in fact want something.

I would like to buy one of these please.

- Is it weird I prefer my pop tarts cold rather then toasted? That shit is gross...

- As a best friend your duty is to tell me when I look like shit... If my eyeliner has smudged.. You best pull me aside and tell me.. because I will seriously reconsider our friendship if I get home at night and find out I look like the corpse bride and you neglected to tell me...

- I respect stay at home moms.. I don't respect stay at home moms that stay in bed all day and then have the nerve to say "I HAVE A JOB! ITS TAKING CARE OF MY KIDS!"

- Suits and Bow ties are so fucking In right now...

- There is not enough time in the world for the many things I would like to accomplish daily.

- I don't want to be friends with you because you are a coke head slut.. so stop trying to hang out.. You are gross..

- My most favorite time is while I am in my car singing at the top of my lungs...

- I know now, the precise moment woman decide to start starving themselves... It is the fall time, when Victoria secret hosts their fashion show.

- I meet a married couple and the first question I ask is "So how the sex life" because... in all honesty.. I want to know...

- I want to try everything once. You should too, there is no room for the word "No" unless we are talking about rape... cause rape is bad.

- Hey ladies, Next time you are blowing... (heh... blowing..) Use your mouth and hands at the same time.

- "What the fuck is up with girls thinking they make ME cum. Bitch, I make myself cum!"

Yes please I would like to kayak with blue whales...

2011-12-04T17:20:00.000-08:00

Some sneaks from my shoot!

2011-11-28T16:45:00.000-08:00

- You want to be different? then ask yourself "If i wasn't me today how would I react to this" see how long that holds up till someone notices...

- I have this undying need to help every single person in the entire world.

- I was told to give God my burdens once... but what a shitty thing to do to someone who knows your fate and answers your prayers...

- Your problems should never matter. No matter how trivial it may seem, your friends and families problems are to mean more to you first.

- You don't want shit to blow up in your face? you should lay some ground rules down first. First on that list should be to follow this blog.

- Don't you ever once get surprised when someone close to you does something so stupid you couldeve sworn knew better because they never fucking know better.

- If you are an English bulldog puppy lover, you better think twice because those fuckers are GROSS

- In case you didn't know, facebook is for connecting with friends... not to post annoying wannabee inspirational pictures with life changing quotes.. that's what tumblr is for.

- I do not see the point to giving chocolates as gifts. I suppose if it is the last option you have, you can never go wrong but you should never have to subject yourself to the "last option" First off chocolates make you fat, they are messy and expensive if you are shipping them. A girl who says they don't like flowers (she probably uses the line "because they die" as an excuse) are bullshitting you.. that's like saying nobody likes free gifts.. EVERYONE LIKES FREE GIFTS.

- Girls will beat themselves up by staring at ex girlfriend photos and wonder 1 of 2 things Either:

"Why does he like me? shes so much prettier than me"

"Why did he date her? shes fucking ugly"

We are curious to see what your tastes are, we know you like us but WHY do you like us and what was so wrong with the last girl... Plus girls are catty..

- side note: I tried looking up the definition for "caddy" on the Internet and ended up finding out it means small container... so... girls are not caddy... obviously...

- Dear Facebook... I DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT HOW MANY OTHER PEOPLE ARE TALKING ABOUT CHRISTMAS..

- In a situation, I will always ask myself "why is this happening" to better understand what is actually happening. A normal person is usually just selfish and continues on their way.. which is probably why you get yourself in trouble so many times..

- Sure, I can hit then "unsubscribe to these posts" button on facebook but do I really want someone around who is making the conscious decision to constantly post dumb shit? Nope.

- If you feel like everyone is staring, they probably are.

- Hello, My name is Emily and I am not a fucking moron so stop treating me like I am.

- Always lay out the pros and cons of a situation. If you have more cons, then you should evacuate the situation.

- Here is why you are having such a difficult time finding a good dude... YOU ARE DATING 18 YEAR OLD BOYS.... justsayin

- Girls are the most difficult people on the planet. They are so difficult to please. They almost always have an ulterior motive to every thing. Up means down and down means up... holy shit... girls are xbox controllers...

- Just in case you don't know how to kiss (or even think you do) you should read this post i did about kissing.. LINK HERE

- I think people that have an obsession with hello kitty need to grow up already... seriously... seriously..

- I almost took keshas advice on glitter making everything pretty.. but then i also almost shot my face off with a sawed off shot gun because I CANT BELIEVE I ALMOST BELIEVED THAT DRUNK HOOKER...

- You want to be different then you better be cultured. You gotta be interested in things that makes people tilt their head. Sometimes this can be easy just because of your line of work, or harder if you are always home and don't really do anything at all..

- Its amazing the things you can get away with when you offer a blow job.

- I wish I had the ability to talk myself out of anything. Unfortunately the only time I can do that is when I am telling the truth, and I really need to talk myself out of something. I was a terrible student in bullshitting101...

- You will not get anywhere by scolding someone all day long and never praising them. You will make them afraid of you, and subsequently doubting themselves. You want a better work facility? work with praise and change.

- Dear Starbucks kid that always gives me free coffee, You make me laugh and feel very uncomfortable when waiting for my coffee, but I suppose its worth it.

- P.s if you work at starbucks, give a helping hand and give free coffee to those people in scrubs.. we are just as important as police officers...

- Believe it or not I suffer from extreme social anxiety. You'd never know because when it boils down to the actual situation, I'm a fuckin boss. Its just the few minutes before entering that makes me want to vomit and run. Its a lot like saying speeches. You get nervous walking up to the podium but once you are there and talking, its not so bad.. unless you really suck at giving speeches, then this metaphor doesn't apply to you..

- Heyyy you know what I love? sending text messages and never getting a reply back.. that fucking rocks! That's what I want for Christmas... unreplied text messages..

- "Im ignoring you because I have a girlfriend and I also have feelings for you" heh... You are a douche. If you ever say this.. ever... you don't deserve to have a girlfriend. This applies to girls as well..

- Unexpected change scares the shit out of me. Literally, when a rug is torn from underneath me I almost automatically want to grab it and put it back under my feet. Which means I almost always panic, and do something completely stupid as a result.

- I wish my super hero power was to change moods. Instead my super hero power is to feel exactly what someone else is feeling with out even asking. Which totally blows if you are constantly around sad or angry people. Oh yeah.. I'm a super hero.. You didn't know? WELL NOW YOU KNOW.

- Everyone wants feedback from anything. Its part of human nature to have a tug and pull relationship. So stop being so stingy with feedback assholes.

- Ask me what its like to have myself so figured out... I wish I knew...

- When did being the crazy cat person all of a sudden become the hipster thing to do. People are using the Internet just for cats. My pussy is still better than yours.

- WE ARE STILL IN FUCKING NOVEMBER ASSHOLES! STOP WITH THE CHRISTMAS MUSIC!

- Girls wish they could trade penis pictures like baseball cards.

- If I had the time, I would make GIFs of all the infomercials that display how incompetent people are with out using the product they are selling. If you have the time and ability to do this, please send me the link and I will credit you.

- "You are like a child, and that is kind of refreshing"

- Not cool to be afraid of insects if you have a penis. Even if you are, keep that shit on the DL.

- If you can't orgasm at the sound of hearing someone get off, something is wrong with you!

- There is something very sexy about a guy holding his ground when he is being threatened or feels threatened.

- I have a question that is pretty hard for me to answer. If you are "talking/getting to know" someone and lets say you guys like each other but aren't officially dating. If that other person goes off and fucks another person are you allowed to be upset? I hate a "yes and no" answer but a small part of me thinks if its not official, its fair game but then there is a way bigger part that says "if you like someone, then there should be nobody else" Thoughts?

- FYI I'm not the type of person that would fuck someone else while I'm talking to someone... and that can be taken in a literal and non literal way because I don't even think about another dude in a romantic matter if I like someone and I definitely cant hold a conversation with someone else while I'm having sex...

- How does one explain to their grandma that they just TALK about sex, and don't actually fuck around?

- Here is how much I hate Monday. I had nightmares about it... That's rough. I actually dread Monday so much that on Sunday, I almost always have a wave of panic come over me.

- Are there middle fingers somewhere on the Internet that I can give as Christmas gifts anonymously to people I hate?

- That person who gives you advice about stuff that you already know how to handle, you will be getting a middle finger from me this year.

- "I think people who have mustaches are automatically creepers and people who own rape vans, and I for one, do NOT want to be a creeper... so I will not be having a curly mustache ever..."

- A girl calls you to tell you she had a bad dream, no matter how stupid it sounds, just tell her "every things okay, it was just a dream" That's all we want.

- "I'm not fucked up, I'm just racial profiling"

- Those people that say you are Gothic because you wear black or listen to indie music? They will also be receiving a middle finger for Christmas.

2011-11-25T17:33:00.000-08:00

Oh hey..

Yeah It's me again.. another ranting blog about bullshit you should know but you fucking don't because your too fucking brainless..

Oh? am i being a little harsh?

okay here is what you need to know...

If someone clearly is not answering your phone calls or texts or messages or whateverthefuck then guess what that means?

It means they no longer want to talk to you...

This has to be a hard way to find out that someone doesnt want anything to do with you anymore

look at it this way.. its just one person right? so big deal if they don't want you around.. you're fucking better than that...

and do you really want to stick around someone that doesn't want to be around you anymore?

probably not, unless you are a sick sadistic fuck that likes to feel... unwanted?

I don't know why exactly someone doesn't need you around anymore. Maybe they just are going through some shit... maybe you are just boring... maybe I don't care.

I just want you to stop trying if the other person isn't anymore.

Texting me at 4 in the morning is not going to make me want to hang out.

Its not going to make me want to be friends

It's not going to make me invite you over..

so lets call it quits.

and you can just fuck off...

Music to smash to...

2011-11-22T18:04:00.000-08:00

I went running today and realized I left my iPod at work, so I asked my brother if I could borrow his because I can't run with out music in my ears.

A long time ago I used to think my brothers iPod was made out of pure metal because there was nothing on there but hardcore... metal. After running to some August burns red and listening to TDWP zombie EP (It makes me run fast because I imagine actual zombies running after me, I'm sick... I know) I saw he had some Glassjaw on it which... In highschool was pretty much all I listened too, next to thursday and reggie and the full effect.

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Anyways these are great songs...

Quickfire!

2011-11-21T16:18:00.000-08:00

- I think I know why Mondays are so shitty.. I have come to the conclusion everyone waits till Monday to get shit done instead of doing it over the weekend.

- Try not to over think things. I know its hard but trust me, its probably not worth it.

- I think everyone should try and embrace whats coming to them instead of being afraid or skeptical. Its something that is difficult to do because no body wants to get hurt, but then again, no one wants the feeling of regret or "what if?"

- sometimes I worry too much to the point I make myself sick. I hate that about myself.

- I think a lot of people think they can answer a lot of questions themselves or that waiting out a situation will solve a problem but when it doesn't work out, you kind of explode. To avoid this, if you have something you need to tell me, just ask. I don't get offended.

- You meet a nice dude.. the type of dude that is the right dude then the wrong thing to do would be to date a bunch of douche bags on the side. That shit is NOT cool bro so... stop it. If you do, I never want to hear from your mouth "How come dudes are such assholes" ever again.

- Also, if you are the type of person that says "all you have to do is ask" or "no question is a dumb question" but then when someone actually asks something that may seem dumb you turn around and point fun at them or make them feel like an idiot for not knowing you can officially go fuck yourself.

- It will always be that penis is beautiful and vagina is gross...

- If you are a male model, and you for some reason want tastefully done nudes, the one thing NOT to do would be to send nudes of yourself like the greased up deaf guy on family guy. I wanted so badly to post the pictures I got but honestly they are so gross I'd rather spare you the grief and that says a lot considering I don't spare you of much grief when it comes to this blog.

- One day... one day dude... I'm going to make you feel so shitty for being such a fucking asshole. Then we will see who's laughing. I hate people that will laugh at your misfortunes to your face when these people are people you HAVE to help on a daily basis.

- To those of you who clearly don't know what a prostitute is (or a professional whore, that one is my favorite by far!) a prostitute is someone who sells sexual favors for money or for trade. CLEARLY I don't do that or I would be one wealthy mother fucker.

"About once a month I will feel like the most pathetic person on the planet"

"Is this what they call PMS?"

"......... I think so........"

- I wish I could thank her on here but I'm so against using names on my personal blog. There is one person that comes to where I work every Monday that always makes my day so much better. I just wanted to say thank you for being so kind each and every Monday.

- No... I wont have sex with you so please stop calling me at 4 in the morning.

- You tell someone you are going to go with them somewhere you should probably follow through with that idea. I get accidents happen and things come up but don't be the asshole that doesn't call or text that you aren't going to make it.

So this happened... Which automatically makes me miss playing drums...

- When someone says "I know your smart... so why cant you get this?" it sounds a lot like "How come your so fucking stupid" so stop trying to cover your asshole comment with a compliment. that's like saying "Hey you'd be pretty hot to a horse..."

- Oh shit... Fat day is this Thursday....Which means Christmas is around the corner...

- You know how every personal phone number now comes with an area code in the begginging making someones phone number 10 numbers long? I mean that's a given right? so its safe to say that if phone number: 000-0000 is definitely going to have an area code in the beginning. I'm just saying this because a dude asked me why we didn't have the area code in front of our number, how that could be "confusing"... to which I replied "its only confusing to dumb people..." 

- Today's word is brought to you by the letter F... for the word FUCK...

- There are two types of old people. Nice old people... and mean old people... Mean old people are never happy, they are like the human version of snow whites dwarf "grumpy" and are never pleasant

- If I need an answer, then I will do almost anything to find it.

- You should always trust your gut feeling. Believe in yourself.

My cat does this to beards... He is very beard envious

- I just want to clear this up. If you did something fucked up, to a friend or family member, and you are lying your way around the truth just because you don't want to hurt their feelings... you can bet that the truth will eventually come out.. and when it does.. you will be dubbed the biggest piece of shit on the planet for lying straight to my face.. So just be a fucking man, and let me know whats up.. or else someone is getting a punch in the dick...

- Don't text me one words that are dragged for no reason like "HEEYYYYYYY" or "TOOOOOOTTALLLLLYYYYY DUUUUUDDEEE FOOOOORRR REAAALLLLL" I get once or twice but not every fucking text message.. What are you? stupid?

- In case you didn't know, All ex boyfriends and girlfriends are off limits to friends/family/ acquaintances... This is a surefire way to fuck your friendship in the ass, and a definite way to let someone know you are a fucking moron.

- If a dude is talking to you about how stupid girls are... don't be a fucking girl and say "what about me?" or "I'm not that way" EVERY GIRL SAYS THAT SHIT. Of course your not, cause a smart dude wouldn't waste his time talking to a stupid girl.

- Here is the sad thing, about 95% of woman have not been taken on a legit fancy date. I mean a fancy date where the girl needs to wear a dress, and dude needs to wear business attire. I'm talking about the restaurant is a nice restaurant and dude needs to pay for dinner.

- Dudes stick around with shitty hot girls because its a lot like the sports car complex. A sports car is so uneconomical, its a gas guzzler, and it only fits 2 people and its an uncomfortable ride. Where as a more economical car that's at a more decent price is more likely affordable to maintain, and a more comfortable ride, yet you still lust after the sports car.

- When ever I feel a red flag, I almost always get the feeling of wanting to vomit and run very far away but then the feeling of "what if I'm totally wrong about this" over comes me...

- People say "I hate drama"... those people are the epitome of fucking drama...

Every single time I come near an automatic sliding door....

- I have to ask myself a lot which sex I don't trust the most... Its hard because both sexes have their shitty qualities.. but If I had to pick... I would probably pick girls.. I say this because girls always have an alternative motive for everything, selfishly. Men do shit because they are stupid... Woman do things to actually hurt someone else. That shit is fucked up.

This is so relevant

- I have shot milk out of my nose only once...

- You should always be there for the people you consider to be close to you.

Sneaks

2011-11-19T19:15:00.000-08:00

BELLA PREVIEWS!

2011-11-16T16:42:00.000-08:00

Today was very special, I got to finally meet miss Bella!

I need a respirator!

2011-11-14T16:32:00.000-08:00

Some sex noise for your earholes...

- I want to know why people decide to designate Mondays to start new beginnings. Monday is the shittiest day of the week. Just because its the beginning doesn't mean its the best way to start something. that's like saying the best time for a blow job is in the morning. I mean sure its a good idea but isn't every time a good time for a blow job?

- Its probably not a good idea to sleep with someone you actually like on the first date.

- Its very important to let yourself settle after each relationship, stirring things up constantly can cause problems later on down the road.

- Stop rushing damnit.. This isn't a race, you want something good then you have to be patient.

- I have a hard time feeling sorry for myself only because I know people in worse situations. but sometimes I just want to feel pathetic and lonely and soak in my own sadness. It never happens though.

- Just because someone has all the qualities you look for in a person doesn't make them perfect. A person can answer all the questions correctly but can they really play the part? Time will only tell.

- You can't just always be assuming. If a dude/girl says "open sesame" then you can't just let him in. You can't let yourself be that easy. People secretly like broken, complicated people (to an extent). They will never admit that but its true.

- Someone told me last night "I'm just tired of making the effort all the time" but you can't afford to be lazy. You will ALWAYS have to make an effort with anything. The difference is, if you are the only one putting in effort then you can give that shit the middle finger and move on.

- Stop trying to deny your feelings for someone. You and I both know you are completely infatuated with that chick... You don't have to make it anymore obvious by showing me texts. pictures and stuff... I love you bro but get on that shit, for real.

- I recently started doing yoga and I gotta say.. its pretty cool.

- I saw a dude buy a carton of cigarettes, beer and condoms... I thought dudes were a bit more conspicuous when buying that shit... I guess not.. Party hard dude... literally.

- By the same token, I wonder if dude purposely have a box of magnums laying around waiting for their crush to find them. EVEN THOUGH they have an average size cock.

- Also... is there a condom for little dicks? I kind of want to know but I feel like this is something I should continue to be naive about only because I always notice the black and gold box, and YOU KNOW what that shit is for... but... I don't want to notice the little dick box...

- Look people, I'm smart... but I'm not a fuckin mind reader. I try hard to be ahead of the game but if there is something you need me to do, you can't expect me to know with out you telling me what you want from me and then look at me like I'm a fucking idiot because you didn't inform me on this elaborate plan...

- If you are working with kids, specifically photographing them, it is important to have a muse/compromise. These can be simple things such as bubbles or a ball. Compromise that they can blow bubbles or throw a ball each time you get a picture of them being cute.

- Every morning, mostly on Monday mornings, I will ask myself "Why am I still in Miami again?" I haven't been able to answer it still..

- I work well with rules because rules are like guidelines and those are easy to follow because they are fucking guidelines. I don't work well when there are rules that always seem to not have a set guideline.. "This works this way because of this reason and that is the end". You cant say "this works for this reason sometimes depending on the time of day and maybe on the temp only then will there be a real answer" Im going to look at you like you are fucking stupid.

- Simplicity is so much easier for anyone.

- You want people to be their own individuals yet you hate on people for certain insignificant reasons..

- My brother says that a man is defined by whether or not he has normal pictures of himself on facebook and if he can drive a stick shift. Normal pictures being that he doesn't have angels or isn't trying too hard and stick shift meaning you actually have to use a clutch pedal. None of that steering wheel shifter bullshit or triptronic shit.

- Sometimes I have to step on my toes when I feel like I'm being annoying to someone. I'm an affectionate person, and I'll admit it.. I like the attention (don't act like you don't you lying piece of crap) but sometimes it can be a little suffocating and I would hate to feel like I am suffocating someone. I think girls are mostly to blame for this. take a fucking chill pill dude, breath...

- Just so you know "so.. are you going to make the first move?" is not something a shy person asks.

- I think everyone knows when someone is bullshiting them. First of all, if someone does something and then completely goes against it later on that's a red flag for bullshit. One of these things are not like the other... Some people are very obvious bullshitters and I still am amazed that these people still get their way with shit.

- Just because someone is attractive doesn't mean you must mold yourself for them to like you. Its amazing the shit that gets done just because someone has good looks, its almost scary.

- First of all.. let me make this clear.. I am nobodies fucking assistant. Assistant is a professional word for bitch.. and I am nobodies bitch. I would never call someone my assistant. Assistant should be used as an insult and insult only. If your profession is someones assistant, unless you are getting paid well (i mean really well) then I suggest you get your career going and get the fuck out.

- You should make it clear to someone what your intentions are and what you want from the start if not you will come off as an asshole/phsyco for not directing this situation in the right direction.

- If you break up with someone, give at least one reason that isn't making the entire situation out to be entirely your fault. we aren't stupid.. we know it takes two people to make this right and something happened along the way to make you think twice. Let a nigga know.. seriously.

- There are many insults for the female race. Bitch is one that a lot of people like to use but personally I think the word "Cunt" is WAY more derogatory and hurtful. Its also more creative since everyone uses the word bitch.

- Did I rehearse Britney spears dance moves till I passed out in my room from exhaustion? Do you really have to eat to survive?

- I just have to say something... That blonde bitch in the series the walking dead needs to die already.. like she shouldeve died like in the 3rd episode.. I am so over her fucking character. What the entire fuck walking dead? you had a blonde moment last night.. not fucking cool.. Please get her rid her of the fucking show and put her out of her own trigger happy misery. fucking cunt.

- I am still very unsure of MTV's purpose

- When I am at work, and my name is called I like to turn around slowly with the most ugly face possible... I probably look stupid as hell but it makes me laugh.. yeah... I laugh at myself.. My boss says I'm never gonna get a decent dude making the faces like that but its not like I'm trying to impress dogs and cats...

- If you have deactivated your facebook more than 2 times ever... you can go ahead and never re-activate it again.. you are defeating the purpose of the Internet.. and you wont be missed... believe me.

- I had an old couple come in the office today. In there mid 80's, the husband was laughing holding his wife's hand, I over heard about how they went dancing the night before. She was calm and collected but he was giddy and excited. I almost made my heart sink right into the bottom of my stomach. I asked the old man "where is it you go dancing?" and apparently they go swing dancing on the weekends to some club near by. His words were "I'm a better dancer then most of the fellas on the floor, right sweetie?" she nodded. I had to walk to the bathroom, i couldn't handle the sweetness.

Previews!

2011-11-13T18:10:00.000-08:00

I did a cute shoot with miss Kimberly today!

When the truth is...

2011-11-11T19:44:00.000-08:00

I had a discussion with someone the other night about love and the act of being in it. I asked "How do you know if its love" because I assume everyones answer is different as it usually is. It was...

He said "Its different every time, It's like how do you know you love photography.. You just do"

I have a notion that love though.. real love... doesnt fade or go away. It's not supposed to right? Now Im thinking there are different levels of love or being in love. You love your mom.. but you love your friends differently but its still described as love.

I just dont think a single word that can describe the same thing in various ways should be the single word that describes being with someone you want to spend the rest of your life with.

This is going in the wrong direction.

I question a lot.

It's just who I am... I want to know how something works...

I refuse to believe that I gave myself to someone that may have ruined a good portion of my life. I refuse to think that I was in love.. and its a good thing I forget things easily because if I was a dweller... I would be such a pitiful human being.

I think I see things a lot more differently then the average bear. I am constantly soaking up things like a sponge, taking in detail, its probably the photographer in me... yet this is still a subject that confuses me.

I had another friend who I am positive just cheated on his girlfriend flat out tell me 1. Hes not a cheater, When I was there... watching the whole thing happen and he even talked to me afterwards.. and 2. freak out like a little baby about being called out on his actions.

I think people are afraid of... being.... human.. or facing their... mistakes. Everyone focuses on being someone perfect. I just wanted to know why... after he spoke so highly of his girlfriend and told me repeatedly how happy he was... why he did it.

and the answer "because men (not because he is) are stupid" isn't good enough at all.

I thought happy couples don't do that shit..

I thought that there is always a reason for that shit to happen, no matter how big or small it is... and god damnit I want to know what it is, even if it kills me. Now I gotta worry about being too perfect? The fuck? I have to worry about being in a good healthy relationship?

I feel like the saying "Its not you, its me" or "I just need time to figure myself out" is like telling me "Um.... bullshit bullshit bullshit... I'm a fucking liar" I mean look at me, I'm a fully functional human being, I can handle the fucking truth. Its almost like you are blatantly calling me a fucking moron. Tell me why, tell me its because I don't have blonde hair or because I'm fat or too tall or because you hate that I have nightmares. Yeah I can't control who I am sometimes but at least I'll make it a bit more obvious to the next person that these are parts of me someone should be okay with when getting to know me. If you don't tell me there is a good chance that this might happen again, and no offense but I'm kind of tired of this game.

And yeah dude... You fucked up... You saw a hot girl and YOU made the move... I saw that shit..

I mean maybe people really are battling their own version of a jackal and hyde? Maybe there is some sort of internal switch that makes people batshitstupid. I used to tell myself, that the only exception to someone cheating is if they had WAY too much to drink and someone raped them, but I'm starting to think that people can get "raped" at any time.

Again... the wrong direction...

I want it to be... forever... and ever... and even when we die and God says "alright.. you want to do it all over again?" I want my answer to be "I don't want to forget him..." and I want his answer to be the same...

I had an ex tell me that when we die we become... happy and all the things we can think of that will make us happy because we dont remember anything in our previous life...

I immediately began to cry.

I didn't want to forget someone I loved so much. I didn't want there to be a clean slate or this... perfectness with nothing to hold on to.

What is the point of saying forever if God throws it away in the end? (I know you don't do that God, Its just a metaphor)

Thats why I can't say I've ever been in love... because I can't say that about anyone Ive ever met... Can you?

Labyrinth Inspired photo shoot

2011-11-08T13:59:00.000-08:00

I have pretty much loved this movie ever since I was a child. On my last movie shoot for the notebook, Janell who plays "Sarah" in this shoot, was there and all I could think was "Man, this girl looks just like Sarah from the Labyrinth." I was so happy to know that she was willing to play the part in this shoot. Aaron was a trooper! He plays the goblin king who is initially played by david bowie in the movie, at a moments notice he was in a strangers back yard/house and letting people put make up and tights on him. Thanks so much guys!

I just want to let everyone know all the make up was done by Selena Motives. Decorations/set up was done by Anna Schinella. Costumes/Hair/Photographs are done by yours truly here at Emilyisasecret. Also, If you could please tell your family and friends to visit this post, link it on all of your social networking sites please!

Here are all of my favorite pictures from the Labyrinth inspired shoot. I don't normally mess with the colors much in my photos but being that this is supposed to look dreamy/hallucinogenic I added a blue tinge.

I really loved this photo...

2011-11-07T17:53:00.000-08:00

- I thought everyone liked having things in their mouth... Don't they?

- If you can wear leggings/pantie hoes/ tights just to benefit an outfit regardless of how big or small your dick is, you are a man. No questions asked.

- I think people get attached easily because its hard for them to find people they can connect with or someone that can "get on their level", so when they do their feelings get all out of wack and start hyperventilating

- Does it bother you when your girlfriend talks about your penis in an open conversation? That's gotta be awkward for you dude.

- I saw a show where a lady spent 17,000 dollars on a wedding dress. I wanna know what justifies this action... and don't tell me love..

- You know those people that boast about their personal life like its the most awesome thing on the planet? I just want you to know I am totally recreating the scene from starwars when Luke walks into the bar..

"Yeah, I totally hung out with city and colour the other day"

"Oh the whole band?"

"No the lead singer"

"Oh I didn't know his name was actually city and colour... This whole time Ive been calling him dallas green..."

- I think, even if it makes me look totally stupid in the end, as long as I made someone laugh so hard they start to tear, That's all that matters to me.

Here are some of the many reasons I heard yesterday for people flaking..

"My cat got sick"

"My car broke down"

"I have to pay my bills online" "I had an abortion"

"I'm going to the mall"

I don't know if I would rather someone just tell me "I'm too fucking lazy to go" or to actually have these excuses... I was seriously waiting for someone to say "My dog ate my homework"

- I think its better for people to help someone because they love/care about them instead of doing something for someone because they are expecting something out of it.

- Sometimes I think its better for you to accomplish things/projects on your own because you can never rely on anyone to get things right other than yourself. I think the reason I have a hard time asking for help is because of this reason.

- I love being a girl because its fun to play with your boobs.. I imagine its the same for dudes too... Not cause they like playing with their boobs, but because... you know... penis.

- I hate when cops ask "Do you know why I pulled you over?" because I'm such a smart ass my answer always wants to be "Because I was driving perfectly fine and you wanted to say hello?" But... that never happens.

- I wish my first instinct for someone accusing me of doing something wrong isn't to go into defense mode but to automatically apologize.

- Side note: Why does "I apologize" sound so much more insincere then "I'm sorry" ?

- I want to know why dudes feel the need to slap their dick on things. I asked my brother and his answer was "because they do it in porn" but that answer kind of worries me. Watching porn to learn about sex is like... watching comedy central to learn more about the African safari. Sure maybe they might reference something but is it something you want to take into consideration? Not usually. If videoing other people having sex with each other was my thing, I'd like to change the way people see porn. Since its not, I'll just tell you you shouldn't always believe the things you watch on t.v, didn't your mother ever tell you that?

- Would it change things if the dude you liked may have had a personal experience with an ex and in this personal experience he got possibly fucked with a strap on? I know I know! you are first thinking "WHAT IN THE FUCK NO!" but.... Let it sink in... Don't you think he may be more experienced then most?

- Yes... dick slapping a girls face is degrading. Don't try and argue about this one.

- I spend a good deal of my time wondering whether or not it s a good time to text someone or not. Am I texting too much? But I really like talking to this person... but maybe I'm being really annoying! UGH!

- I'm kind of tired seeing woman with more photoshopped bodies then not. Its all I ever critique. I don't even look for prettiness anymore, just imperfections. There is no way this chicks body can look like that unless she had some freak surgery to remove half of all of her organs.

- Clothed sex is great. I mean your average naked sex is great too but.. change shit up a bit. Use a skirt

- I don't notice imperfection on nice people. Is that weird?

- I get that animals are all cute and cuddly but when you visit a vet office with your pet, try not to interact with other pets. You are at a hospital. You don't go around petting other sick people, what if that shit is contagious? this is the same principal. This isn't a dog park, its a clinic for sick pets.

- By the same token, You cannot tell if a person has STDs. Obviously no smart person is going to fuck a raggedy ass bum, plus don't you think people with STDs have learned to mask their diseases? I mean people with STD's need love too! So stop sticking your dick in dark places man! Didn't you go to boy scouts? You gotta be prepared for journeys like that, and trust me! you arent!

- For the rest of the week I am making every single awkward moment a time to say something completely sexual even if it makes no sense.

- If you can laugh at your own mistakes you have just become a better person.

- I think cops have the worst complexes about things.

- I'm kind of sad party city ruined Micheal Jackson's thriller for me...

- I REALLY admire people that do positive work with children, homeless people, mentally challenged or any organization that needs help.

- Do you ever want to reply to someones bullshit with "Go fuck yourself" ?

- Hold up... You do know male testicles are sensitive as shit right? and sure in some instances using your mouth is a good idea.. but this isn't a competition on who can chomp on the most balls at once. Nor is it a competition on who can suck as hard as they can till they are blue in the face. I just want to know where girls get this notion..

- Nothing fights are the dumbest fights on this planet.. I had an ex once that bought me a vibrator as a gift once for an anniversary but then realized that I'd be using it with out him, got jealous and forced me to throw it away or he would break up with me... Choose your battles wisely, if not you look like an idiot.

- Dude told me today "Pussy is not supposed to be on a pedestal" but girls aren't the only ones putting it up there, You dudes do it too!

- You have sex the first night you meet someone you cannot be taken seriously the next day. Just sayin.

You remind me...

2011-11-06T19:15:00.000-08:00

I just wanted to thank everyone that actually made it out tonight. Special thanks to Selena Motives for make up, and Anna Schinella for her decorating and Simon Schinella for finding people at a moments notice, You truly are a life saver. Here are some sneak Previews!

I'm cool.

2011-11-05T17:52:00.000-07:00

We decorated the scene for tomorrows shoot.. here are some sneaks!

we'll get through this...

2011-10-31T15:41:00.000-07:00

- I spend a good deal of my sunday night asking myself "what would I need in order for my Monday to be perfect?" These are the answers I've come up with

*Morning sex

*Full tank of gas

*Free coffee

*Clean house when I get home

- Facebook is not the place to voice revenge.. If you have something personal going on don't put it on blast on Facebook. You look like a dumbass.

- I refuse to feel sorry for people who are always looking for people to feel sorry for them.

- If you cant explain your actions then you deserve what they come off as being.

- Your statements/advice will be ignored if you and I both know you have no idea what you are talking about... your argument is invalid.

- If you know you will regret it later then don't do it.

- Don't fuck just to get fucked.

- If you find yourself having more drama in a relationship then having an actual relationship you should seriously question your relationship...

- What the fuck do spanish people see in Marc Anthony? seriously...

- If you are broken up, on a break, or you have a "Idontknowwhatthisis" relationship status... YOU/THEY ARE FAIR GAME.. Understand this please... Don't get pissed when other people are talking to your prey... You haven't shot that bitch yet... Man up.

- Don't be a fucking poser and go to prom.. MAKE YOUR OWN DAMN PROM...

- I will not be attending my high school reunion.. because I am making my own reunion with the people I actually care about seeing again.

- I always get disappointed when I see an old car and there is usually an old dude driving it..

- Anyone else have friend requests from family members they keep ignoring because you know they are going to question every good time you are having? I love you, but you have to stay family.

- If I have a day off... it will be a lazy day.. Don't fuck it up for me...

- What the fuck October? You were here and then you were gone... what gives ?! your like my favorite movie holiday! I can not get enough of you... PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME!!!

- There is a fine balance in the morning when listening to coldplay, drinking coffee the way you like it, and the air is cool enough to let the windows down.

- I think Halloween is the most creative decorating holiday. I also love how creative my friends got with their costumes, they get better and better every year.

- There will be people that come into your life that for what ever reason cannot stand to see you happy. If you make a joke, even though everyone else is laughing, they will still look at you like a moron. Do not get discouraged, this person is just a giant walking asshole and that is his personal problem. As a matter of fact these people are usually just jealous because you are awesome.

- Never rely on people. Just don't. Even when someone says "you can count on me" tell them "no thanks... I count on myself"

- You are never second best. NEVER EVER. So don't let anyone make you feel that way. If they do, then they themselves are second best, and no body likes second hand anything.. so neither should you.

- I love kids, eventually I want some of my own but I am so... so terrified of the sleepless nights. I mean I am a good person, but I am convinced its because I get a great amount of sleep. When I haven't had any sleep, I am something else entirely. That scares me.

- I didn't know Christmas started on the 31st of October. All I see are Christmas commercials and we aren't even done with Halloween yet. I should be happy about this but I like to take my holidays one month at a time. Next up is thanksgiving... Not Christmas..

- If it is up to me, I would like to celebrate every religious holiday. Do I have to be actively practicing a religion in order to enjoy its holidays?

- "Are you Jewish?" "No I just like lighting candles"

- I think, with the exception of today's music industry (for obvious reasons), in order for you to become someone of importance, it is important for you to be different and think out of the box.

- You must make mistakes to know when to do the right thing.

- You cannot change people, you can only offer advice.. If they still ignore you... fuck those people.

- The word abuse doesn't just mean to physically cause harm to someone. You can abuse someone in many ways like taking advantage of someones niceness.

- If you have a failed marriage, or you have a shit marriage currently, you have no room to offer words of advice towards a newly wed couple.

- I know I have said this many times before but facebook is NOT the place to talk about your relationship status. Use a journal to vent, not my personal news feed.

- You have an ex stalking you, possibly physically abusing you, the correct action to take is get a restraining order. Not sit and wait for him to shoot you in the leg. I don't have patience for people that continue to allow these things to happen. If you do, I will no longer offer advice.

Awesome E-sesh of the week goes to Julian Sunmi Park and Benjamin Jinsuk Lee

- I think it is so raunchy when a grown ass man walks out in only his boxers to fetch the mail/newspaper and then just stands there for a few minutes like the morning breeze against his balls feels like heaven. Dude, do that in your back yard... This all changes of course if you look anything remotely close to Dallas Green or Kurt Russel from the thing.. In that case... air your balls out dude... by all means...

- Whistling always creeps me out, like that person is up to something super devious...

- Lately I have religiously been watching American horror story, walking dead and new girl. You should too.

- The new year is coming, which means its another year that none of my new years resolutions came true. I am finally learning the best thing for me to do, is not have any new years resolutions so that I am not disappointed next year. Who the fuck cares anyways right? aren't we all dying next year due to the Mayans predictions?

- Congratulations to Edwin Rivero and Adriana Larios...

- Who the fuck thinks this is a correct response to a cop that just pulled another dude off of you that was trying to rape you "No... I do not want to press charges...." I hope he does come back and rape your asshole you stupid idiot..

- When I was a kid someone asked me "Is your glass half full or half empty" my answer was "What are you stupid? those are both the same thing"

- Who likes to shit on a happy moment? I can't stand those types of people. You know those people that say some shit like "Be careful..." or "congratulations but..." I mean who shit in your cereal this morning? keep those comments to yourself.

- I have seen more children that should be put on leashes then pets..

- Don't you hate when you put 100% in a relationship and the other person puts in -5%?

- I have a plethora of slutty Halloween costumes. Enough to clothe a small slutty town.

I wanna know every ones rating system for rating themselves in bed.

First off, How can you even rate yourself?

Secondly, How do you rate yourself?

Thirdly, How'd you get to that number? (assuming we are speaking about a scale from 1-10)

So I've come up with a helpful answering system.

Add a point if you never orgasm before a girl.

Add 2 points if you last longer than 20 minutes

Take away 2 points if you last less than 20 minutes

Take a point off if you like the girl to be in control

Add a point if you just as much touching as you do Humping/thrusting

Take a point away if you orgasm faster during doggy style then any other position.

Add 2 points if you make an effort to always start with foreplay

Take a point off if you are turned on by anal sex.

Take a point off if you are turned on by fisting a girl

Take a point off if you are always trying to shove more fingers in a girl then your supposed to.

Add a point if you have never fisted or stuck more than 3 fingers in a girl.

Give yourself a point if you understand that closeness and deep penetration is important.

Take a point away if you are usually silent during sex.

Give yourself a point if you understand the meaning of passion.

Give yourself a point if you understand that just because dudes jackhammer girls in porn doesn't mean girls like it IRL

If your answer is "10" take away 3 points. dick

- As a parent you should make it your #1 priority to make sure your child has a unique costume for Halloween. None of that store bought shit, if you allow your child to go out in that crap you deserve a punch in the dick.

- Who says trick or treating has an age limit? That's not fair. Disney doesn't have an age limit and I still love riding "its a small world"

- I think someones Halloween costume can say a lot about someone.

- I hate people that say "I never win anything..." but seriously... I never win anything...

BRB... watching scary movies..

Im getting tired of your attitude.

2011-10-28T19:16:00.000-07:00

Am I really the only one that sees marriage as a life long happy commitment. Cut the trials and tribulations bullshit if you got that crap going on in your marriage in the beginning then you got married too soon, or you just plain married the wrong person. What do I have to do now put you on some pedestal because you are married? I have more cents at the bottom of my purse then the sense you have in your brain, and trust me... its not alot.

Marriage isn't just another step people that you take because well quite frankly there is nothing else to do and well.. why the fuck not..

No dickholes... its a commitment you make to someone you can spend the rest of your life with. THE REST... OF YOUR FUCKING LIFE.

Am I the only one that gets pissed off at people that blast their marital/relationship problems all over the Internet? Like what the fuck are you doing? is facebook or twitter your consultant for everything? ITS A FUCKING APPLICATION NOT A COUNSELOR.

I had someone ask me today "Why don't you think he will want to marry someone" in reference to a family member.. my answer is "why not" marriage is nothing but a piece of paper, no one binds you together via words what are you fucking stupid? Either you have the love or not and that's what binds you. Not a fucking priest... Not a Rabi... Not a fucking pastor. You want Gods blessing? then pray about it.. don't spend over 10,000 dollars feeding people who careless about you and are probably thinking this is the worst decision you've ever made.

i get pissed when people talk shit about their relationships publicly that's the most childish shit anyone can do and well honestly, if you don't like it then fucking walk. Get the fuck out you fucking dumbass, what are you waiting for? a sign?

Another thing that pisses me off is when people are constantly judging other couples based off of how great theirs is WHEN THEIRS ISN'T THAT GREAT TO BEGIN WITH. I have a friend, who is on and off with his girlfriend.. they are/were? pretty serious... he posts status updates all the time about how hes so lucky... but this chick cheated on him like a million times... "I am better than you because my girlfriend is awesome" Um.... Are you fucking stupid? Your girlfriend used you as a fucking door mat...

THEN

THEN! those people that are the actual cheaters justifying their cheating because the person they cheated on is weirdly enough doing so well with out them.. You know, not begging for them back like any smart person would. "Well yeah, I don't need you! That's why I'm glad we broke up" Yeah? Your glad you fucked someone else while you told this other person how In love you were with them?

MEGA DICK? check.

You aren't fooling anyone with those happy status updates, as a matter of fact when you boast about your relationship on the Internet its almost like you are trying to cover something up. You can fool half of facebook but you can't fool me asshole. I also want to stab you when you talk about how shitty things are for you with out actually posting what the shitty part really is... shit like:

"I can't take any of this heart break"

what heart break? why? who? when? I mean now I'm just curious, I could careless about what you are sad about but I just have to know whats going on. Can't you just stop dickin me around and write a real status update? I mean at least you are being honest.

The other side of this is I could always turn my head... you know... look away... not say anything but MAYBE its because people just don't know any better... and well this is a blog about things you should know....

It can wait...

2011-10-24T16:37:00.000-07:00

- I still get really weirded out by nice people. There is this guy at starbucks that insists on giving me free coffee and always tells me "good morning! how are you?" but not in a way where he is trying to pick me up or anything, just generally being nice and my first instinct is to drive away as fast as i can just because of how weirded out I am by his niceness. That's kind of sad when you think about it.

- I should learn that all the days that I don't take the time to put an outfit together and put at least mascara on are the days a hot guy will be put in my day. Which is so unfair God. Why do you do that to me?

- Penetration sex is the best sex, any other non-penetrating sex are for posers.

- Someone literally asked me "wheres your compassion" really? I don't know... how about I don't have compassion for idiots? compassion is lacking for you sir, because you are a fucking dumbass.

- If for what ever reason you get a text message from a friend that states they are hurt for what ever reason whether it be emotional or physical and you ignore it. We are no longer friends. Your friendship card has been revoked and you can go to hell.

- It is important for someone to know their self worth. In other words, you should know what you deserve and what you don't deserve. If someone you care about is treating you any less then you treat them, you are seriously questioning your self worth.

- I think the kindest thing someone can do for someone is something with out a person even having to ask. If I say "I am thirsty" you could, with out asking, get up and get me a glass of water.

<3 love

- If you have at least one person in your life that is there for you at anytime of the day you should consider yourself blessed and stop bitching about how your "friends" are never there for you.

- Life must be really boring for you if you spend the majority of your time watching other people with binoculars.

- I assume that every guy with a sports car costing more then 30,000 dollars is an asshole. I also assume that every woman with any luxury car is a stuck up bitch. Does this mean its true? Yes. Why? is there a point to owning a luxury car at all? If you willingly buy a car that does the same thing a less expensive, more economic car does, that already makes you an asshole in my book.

- I want to know why porn is so God damned raunchy. Its almost scary to think that dudes get off on a girl being punched in her vagina. What is hot about that? You know that study they did on people who abused animals are more likely to become murders or some sort of criminal? I'm sure if they did a study on dudes who watched this shit they would come to the same result. Seriously... I want to know why you watch it... there has to be something mentally wrong with someone to actually enjoy that. I almost instantly get turned off by something that doesn't seem natural to me... like anal sex.

- Speaking of anal sex I am convinced it was created by either gay men or rapists. Gay men for obvious reasons and rapists because there isn't enough time to pick a hole.

- I realize that rape is a tough subject but you aren't going to get very far with a soft shell so build a bridge and get over it.

- Soft shell tacos are for pussies.

I applaud the person who made this costume

- Who changes there child's diaper in the middle of an office? go in a bathroom and change it. Go in your car and change it. Don't do it in a room where everyone else has to smell it. Jesus.. where were these people raised? in a fucking barn?!

- It is very hard to insult an idiot. As a matter of fact, I am not completely positive on this but I think the only way you can insult an idiot is by thinking like an idiot and then saying what comes to mind.

- I like to think of more clever ways of telling people I currently have my period. "There is a war going on in my uterus" "I have tiny serrated fish swimming in my uterus" "If I buried something in the pet cemetery, it came back to life in my vagina"

- Any guy that can completely put aside the fact a girl is bleeding from her vagina and still wants to fuck her is instantly upgraded to a "man" status. Guys get all squeamish about that shit but you know damn well if it came down to it, it wouldn't stop you. Quit lying to yourselves

- I always found this to be a encouraging and should definitely be put up as a motivational poster somewhere in every office to add a little humor. "Out of thousands of sperm, you were the strongest" I mean... yeah... I'm a survivor. I was born that way.

- How weird is it though, that we came from a tiny microscopic sperm? I'm a fucking giant.

- How even more weird to think that when you jack off you are killing thousand of potential important people..

- Steve jobs came from a sperm.

- Someone says to me "I am never having sex again"

YOU CRAZY!? sex doesn't define a relationship. It wont make or break your relationship so stop making it out like its the sole reason why relationships work or don't work.

- I think if you can make someone laugh then you are alright in my book.

- When I was a kid I had a friend who was convinced that the fairy god mother from the wizard of oz was her actual god mother. I also believed that all the Disney characters at Disney were the real. I think this is kind of wrong having kids believe in a false hope. Why cant we just be real with our children. Also, what is the actual point of Santa clause? Why cant we just say we are celebrating the birth of Jesus or celebrating the gift of family? instead we tell children that a fat dude comes through our chimney. What is this? a fucking joke? and we don't even have fucking chimneys in Florida think how much of a mind fuck that was for me. I didn't even need a nasty snark to tell me Santa wasn't real. I put 2 and 2 together... Why can't Christmas be the day we give gifts to people we love and why cant we just tell our kids that? My mom used to tell me "we do it cause its fun to believe in something" but don't make me believe in something that most definitely isn't real. You are setting your kids up for disaster. No wonder I question everything. My parents couldn't tell me the truth what makes you think I am gonna believe you?! Its like all the parents got together and said "lets think of all the imaginary characters we can create to tell our kids a BIG FAT FUCKING LIE" and not only that but lets make all the characters so far fetch that only a child would actually believe that.. really? a fucking GIANT bunny hides eggs?

GTFO.

- With that being said I still had a really amazing childhood due to my crazy imagination and my best friend who lived across the street.

- When I was a kid I loved when people acted super interested in what I did. Before any of my friends started having kids I remembered that I always wanted to be that girl that kids wanted to hang out with, that dream actually happened.. kids love me.

- I love seeing movies in the theater with my dad because when my dad gets so excited in an action film he cannot contain himself and will blurt out something. For example we saw avatar when it first came out, and I think the last movie my dad and i saw in the theater together was starwars episode 1 so its been a while. Towards the ending scene when all the avatars are fighting back, my dad involuntarily blurted "YEAH! GET SOME!" like he was watching some football game. It made me and my brother giggle. The point of me telling you this is you should clearly get to know my dad.

- Today I witnessed someone honk their horn a total of 25 times to someone that wasn't going fast enough for them on a 4 lane expressway. I now understand why people get shot due to road rage.

- I wanna know why its so easy for me to forgive someone for not hearing me correctly yet when I don't hear someone correctly I am automatically made fun of.

- Not because I'm morbid or anything, but I think it would be a cool thing to leave a note somewhere someone will find it talking about everyone in your life.

I have a huge photo shoot at the end of this week. Its all I think about.

You're not from around here are you?

2011-10-23T17:50:00.000-07:00

I shot Adriana in her costume today. She's pretty.

Kims Previews

2011-10-22T17:04:00.000-07:00

:-)

2011-10-17T16:34:00.000-07:00

If you like this blog you should follow me on twitter, I make daily posts like these...

Emilyisasecret

I keep trying to put a restraining order on my diet...

Is it bad I want to buy a fake mustache just so my fake western accent looks more authentic?

Walking dead is back, which means a lot of zombie related posts.. God I love October.

Sometimes all someone needs is a lot of alcohol and a pedicure to get over a giant douche bag.

I'm pretty sure Justin timberlake is gay... Or has a small penis... neither are better then the other.

Has anyone actually used Saran wrap for oral sex? What is this? baking sex? so awkward!

Why does bad food taste so good?

I can't not watch ghost adventures only because I can't wait to see what dumb shit Zack says next...

I don't understand when people are incapable of sharing.. I get prize possessions but I am not dumb enough to ask to borrow those.. I'm talking about things that are sitting there in your house collecting dust that I could really use... what the hell gives?! I don't break things!

I hate how some songs are attached to moments/people I want to forget... Now there are certain songs I cant listen to... like anything from the get up kids or the sounds are completely ruined for me.

I love when people say "Only God can judge you" but there you are... judging me.. assholes

Every Sunday I think "Tomorrows gonna be fine.. Its just another day..." but I am always wrong.

There are 2 things that will make you uncomfortable in a movie... animal death and rape scenes...

I think Mondays suck so much because Friday is so far away, yet Mondays come so soon.

I think the reason I get so weirded out by death is because there is no logical way to make it seem okay. Death happens but you cant explain why it is happening for a reason. For example I can say the reason you are vomiting is because you have food poisoning. I don't have a valid reason for death, unless it because someone killed themselves. Even then I have a hard time consoling family/friends.

Everyone always says rain is depressing. For Miami, I would rather the overcast Sky's and sprinkling rain, then the beating hot sun that makes my skin feel like its boiling.

I wish everyone was in on my inside jokes. The sad part is, they will never be.. because even when you explain why this is funny, they still don't get it.

Female jealousy is so odd to me. I should be more specific... I don't know why girls feel threatened by me.. just me.. I'm not hot, I just say fun things.. Doesn't everyone?

On the other side, you wanna seal the deal and be sure I don't try anything silly? meet me in person. Once I have met someones girlfriend in person that door is SHUT COMPLETELY.

I don't like this army business. I just don't. I wish it was over already, seriously.. I really wish it would end.

I am lucky enough to have a day off during the week.

I can't not have coffee in the morning. I just don't like the person I am with out it. I don't think anyone else does either.

I have an overwhelming feeling of wanting to be friends with certain people. So much sometimes its kind of scary. You'll never know this because, we'll you would think I was weird.

If I had a dollar for every time someone said "You probably get this all the time... but..." I would be 50 dollars richer.

Here is something that mind fucks me every time I hear it.. "I would NEVER cheat on someone" Don't you know that there is a Devinne force out there that waits for you to say the word "never" just so they can reverse it? what the fuck is wrong with you throwing words out there like its nothing! P.s you aren't fooling anyone.. I can do that too "I would NEVER use a food condiments during sex"

Have I ever used an apple pie from McDonald's to jack a dude off? What type of question is that?! You should know the answer...

I almost ran someone over yesterday. It was dark, raining and I was driving on a busy road and this mother fucker came out of nowhere and didn't even look where he was going.. I swear I never felt so scared in my life, my car skid and I felt my anti lock breaks and the guy didn't even look! His retort back to me was "WELL!?" well!? WHAT THE FUCK WELL!? I ALMOST KILLED YOU, YOU FUCKING IDIOT! DON'T "WELL" ME YOU DICK MONGREL

I also don't understand when people blame the other person involved in an affair for their fuck ups. "I fucking hate that bitch for letting me stick my dick in her" #DOILOOKSTUPIDTOYOU

I think in order to avoid possible heart break, You should figure out what the status of your "whateveryouwannacallit" relationship is soon. I think there should be a CLEAR understanding on what is going on between the both of you. That way, 6 months down the road you aren't getting pissed off because an asshole is tossing you around like a rag doll.

By the same token, I know you are smart enough to know when someone is attached to you. If you are the type of person to lead someone on for no reason, please do me a favor and jump off a bridge.

My best friend asked me this the other day "Why would he give up my perfectly good vagina for some 20 cent hooker?" I still don't have an answer to this question. Who gives up good pussy? Stupid guys do.. You guys are so silly..

The thought of not having one of the many people in my life scares the shit out of me.

I still don't understand the point of having a bridal shower. Apparently its so you can receive the gifts at that time instead of having to take home all these gifts from the wedding, but people still bring gifts to a wedding anyways.. so what gives? bachelor/Bachelorette party I get... bridal shower? What the hell are you for? Seriously Its just another thing to spend more money on..

I do want a 40's themed wedding, during the cool weather, possibly in a barn or meadow. Dudes must have mustaches... there will be a mustache contest.

My cousin posted his first status update since being blown up in Iraq. His update said "All on my limbs work, even my cock, I know my girlfriend was wondering" I miss him so much.

I am actually a really boring person. I get out because I like to take pictures, but if it were up to me, and I got paid to watch scary movies and talk shit all day... I would be a happy camper. People think because I talk a lot and I am very sociable that means I want to go to parties and shows and strip clubs..

I tasted childhood this morning.. It tasted like gummy bears.

I think its important to have a mental stimulator. Something that helps you release stress. Mine is going to the gym. I need to be out of the house to effectively release stress. I think this is also important because you aren't releasing stress in your living area, you are releasing it in a "stress relieving facility"

Is it wrong to ask a question to be absolutely right about an answer? It seems like everyone gets pissed at you for asking questions, yet when you assume wrong they still get mad. So which is better? to assume your answer is right? or ask a question to be positive? I love how people think I can make the right answers magically appear. I am mostly right about most things but not all things, clearly.

There is such thing as you feeling so intimidated by someone that you forget all the answers to anything and that feeling sucks. I have not yet mastered the act of getting rid of this.

I want to make a book that quotes all the dumbest quotes ever said in movies that aren't suppose to be dumb quotes to begin with... starting with tron legacy's "Have a nice swim" quote.